Is it ok to leave a baby/child if you work away from home.

[SC00BY]

Could I just get some opinions regarding leaving a baby/child if you want to go back to work. Im talking about for 2 or a maximum of 3 weeks at a time. Just in theory. Has anyone done it? The baby would be left with its father. Do you think its ok?

[FP]

I see no problem for the baby to be left with his/her Dad.  Parents should be equal and if a Dad needed to go away to work for two or three days then that would seem acceptable.  As long as baby is well bonded with Dad before mum goes and they are both happy, then there should be no problem.  What a good opportunity for them to get to know each other really well.

[kick3m0n]

FP's right, it's a great chance for dad and baby to really bond, as baby will have to rely on dad for comfort etc when upset.  When Mum's around, it's all too easy for her to step in, especially if baby gets very distressed.  I assume you're not breast feeding, as this would make it very difficult (not sure you could express enough for 2 or 3 weeks), but switching to bottles would be an option there.  Also, it may depend on the age of your baby.  From around 10-12 months, right thru to as late as 18-24mnths, babies can be quite clingy and go through separation anxiety, where they get stressed by being parted from Mum.   It is a positive thign for baby to know htta Mum isn't always around, as once tehy can understand that Mum always comes back, it really builds their confidence about new situations and not always having mum there (so for eg, first day at nursery would be so much better).  I think it would be very hard on Mum, not to see baby for 3 weeks, not sure I could do it for a job,  but if you're up for it, baby should be fine....just Dad to worry about now! ;-P   Good luck.xx

[SC00BY]

Ok next question! if you are in a same sex relationship is it ok to leave a child with your partner? do you think this would be confusing? ie the baby would not realise who its biological mother is?

[FP]

I can't see any problems with that either.  I cannot see a young baby differentiating between people to the extent that it wonders who it's mother is.  As long as there is a stable, long term, trusting and  loving relationship between the couple and they both love the baby, he or she will be fine. 

I was left with my grandmother for several months as a young baby because my mother was hospitalised.   It didn't confuse me.

[FP]

PS  However, I would have to have complete trust in the other person and would stress again that it would have to be a long term permanent and secure relationship.

[SC00BY]

FP thank you so much for your answers. I was slightly concerned about the effects on the baby! The situation has yet to arise for me! however I have friends where one works away. And they are trying to decide who gives up work. Ie should whoever earns the most carry on working. Or should the biological mother automatically give up work. Was thinking about the emotional effect on the biological mother to not see baby for 3 weeks at a time. I have other friends who hate being parted for a night!

[FP]

I think the emotional effects on the mother are a different issue, Scooby.  I could not have done it, but we are all different.   I suppose if the mother thinks she can cope then she will only find out by trying it. 

[kick3m0n]

I mentioned that I couldn't do it Scooby, but all mothers are different, and I don't think you ever really know until you are a mother yourself.  As for baby not recognising "mum"....a baby knows it's mother by smell and has no trouble distinguishing her from a huge number of people it encounters every day.  It will recognise her voice among others, even at a very early age, as this is the voice it has heard for months pre-birth.  By the way, I don't think it matters if the partner is same sex or not, the opportunity for them to bond with baby would be just the same, and just as important.  Babies use smell and sound to recognise all the people that are important to them, be it dad, sibling or "other mum" (for want of a better word). 

[FP]

You are right kick3m0n.  A baby instinctively knows who his mother is.  In my answer I meant that a baby wouldn't 'wonder' who his mother is. 

[SC00BY]

Thanks again FP and kick3m0n. Its good to have some input from people who have no connection to this. I agree with you and am supporting my friend with the child on the way. My other friend (one who will not even leave her son with her parents for a couple of hours) can't believe that friend one would even contemplate going back to work, even as far as saying she is going to make an unfit mother! We've all been friends since school and its causing quite a lot of friction. Personally i think that if the biological mother can handle it and is working to privide for her child then it must surely be a good thing. I don't want this to ruin a long standing friendship and i feel like the mediator at the moment! thanks again

[nrmatth]

I think that it's ok but I had to leave my 1 and three year olds for 9 days once and I missed them terribly by the third day. My daughter took it kind of hard after a few days but recouperated well when we got back. And my son (1 year) seemed to do well but has been in a mommy clinging stage ever since (This was in august!) I think the period around a year old was hard for him since that's when most kids go through seperation anxieties. I imagine it may be confusing at first but if it's a regular routine, than a kid would learn that it's ok. Kids are pretty resiliant.