teenagers rejection of stepdad

[world hero]

Always at the back of my mind i knew my stepson ( i hate the term ) may stop treating me as his real dad and seemingly now he's 14 and newly aquainted with his biological dad who's stayed away and out of his life for 9 years its going to happen . i feel rejected and dissapointed but cannot blame the boy , my wife and the childs mother have always argued and compromised on whats best for him . all i and my wife have done to help him /we dont want it to change especially now at this stage of his development

[mrs.pudding]

I do agree with Andy Hughes.

I watched my daughters be absolutely foul to my partner.  Between the age of 13 and 18, the youngest one could hardly be bothered to give him the time of day.  He has been a long-suffering saint and managed to treat the situation with humour, only snapping occasionally when she was really unbearable.  He now has his reward - they both love him dearly, rely on him, go to the pub with him and turn to him in times of trouble.  They both wonder how on earth he put up with them and feel that he is and was far more of a father to them than the real one.

So plod on, be as consistent as you possibly can be and wait for him to grow up a little.  He will.  Teenagers love the drama of families at war.  They don't have the experience to understand how destructive it can really be.  And try not to get too hurt.  They lash out really, I think, to get a reaction.  It's like a small child saying "I hate you."  They don't actually know the meaning of the word but it feels good to say it!

[ann_h]

Probably a "honeymoon period"

He still has a romantic idea of his "real" Dad from when he was five. Carry on being his Dad, and time will bring everything round.

[acw]

I'm so sorry to ask a seemingly incensitive and undoubtedly stupid question but....  please could you explain the family tree a bit for me.  I understand that you have raised this boy as a son, although biologically you are not his father.  That is clear (and I really hope that you continue to feel loved by him, I am sure the other statements are right and that he still really really appreciates you!).  However, I'm a bit lost about the situation with the boy's mother.  If your wife and the boy's mother are not the same person, and he's not your biological son, how is he your stepson (I agree, horrible term, but you know what I mean)?  Is it that you were married to the boy's mum, but now you are married to someone else?

 

I'm sure I'm being stupid.  I really don't mean this rudely at all - I'm just genuinely confused! :-S Sorry!

[Mrs_Pegasus]

Have to agree with acw I am slightly confused.  Unless of course you have since divorced his mother and now remarried?

[acw]

That's what I said! :-p

[pamnez]

I think that what world hero is saying is that his wife is his stepsons mother.  He probably should have worded it "my wife who is the boys mother". That is how I read it anyway.

[MORELLO]

You've just got to hang in there. It's hard, I know. Each time my stepson (l also hate that term) comes back from seeing his biological Dad, I go down in the pecking order. This is the same 'Dad' who wasn't really interested until I appeared. I always talk positively to him about his Dad, but being young he can make me feel quite rejected and useless with his responses. My partner rightly points out that, in time, he will see the bigger picture. I was without a Dad from an early age, and it wasn't until later I really appreciated my Mum, so I know it will happen. Just carry on what you're doing, and try not to let it get you down. Basic advice I know, but there's not a lot else you can do. Good luck.

[acw]

I really don't mean to hijack the thread, but if world hero's wife and the boy's mother are the same person - then arguing with each other is either impossible or it implies bigger emotional/health problems!  I really don't mean it rudely world hero - I just wanted to understand the situation.  Please don't be offended.  Perhaps answer when you get a chance - just to clarify the situation. 

[world hero]

Thanks to everyone's answers , to clarify , my wife and the boys mother are the same person. Also differences in opinions is a more accurate way to describe the arguments . Its a balancing act the two of us do and we are both concious of showing a consistent front. The biological father left him a few months before his 5th birthday for another woman , he has had 2 more boys since then but now lives on his own in a bedsit ,where he spends his life as a weekend parent.

[acw]

I SEE - so YOU and your wife (who is the boy's mother) have argued (or had differences of opinion), but always compromised on what is best for your son (hers biologically, yours because you brought him up)!?

 

Well, I'm sure your son knows that he has a loving father in you - and great parents when he looks at the team of you and his mum.  I'm sure he knows that - and will remember to show that again very soon.  :-D