Long post re contact orders with children....

[Smowball]

Will try to keep this as short as poss:
Hubby split up with ex when child was 4 - she is now 12. Since then ex has tried everything under the sun to stop contact talking place - moving without telling him 3 times, telling child daddy didnt love her, etc etc. We have spent thousands on court/solicitors, had at least 5 orders drawn up which she completely flouts and never gets punished. CAFCASS involved yet again as mother kept sending letters and txts saying child didnt want to see her dad but wouldnt give reason. Court insisted on new CAFCASS reports. They saw child alone, and with mother . When alone she said that she did want to see dad but mum tells her to say she doesnt. Final court date 2 months ago. Judge very angry with mother, and said contact must go ahead every month. Since then mother cancelled 1st contact saying child was busy, 2nd contact saying she was revising! He drove 130 miles to pick her up last week and daughter came to door,was really horrible to him and said she didnt want to see him, she hadnt said that to CAFCASS, and slammed door. He is absolutely at the end of his tether and doesnt know what to do anymore. Child is saying one thing to authorities and another to dad. BTW that was the first time he had even seen her for 6 months so he is very upset.

[bednobs]

hi smow, what are you asking?

[Smowball]

If CAFCASS reports say child wants to see dad and child is saying she doesnt to dads face then how do we establish what is really the truth and therefore get him to see his child. What on earth could the court suggest next??

[bednobs]

sorry i don't know but at 12 i would say shes old enough to make up her own mind

[China Doll]

If she's being poisoned and at 12 has an opinion that she doesn't want to see dad then all I can suggest is that he constantly writes letters, phones everytime contact is due to check she wants to see him or indeed drives up there... I understand it must be heartbreaking but at 12 she's entitled to have her own opinion, but if through his constancy she can see her opinion may be being manipulated (which is a lesson we learn as we get older), then his constancy will only stand him in good stead. I think this could be a long term project sadly, it's horrid when parents use children as pawns.

[cazzz1975]

for his sanity it might be better for him to back off until she is old enough to see through the poisonous manipulation.

I know that sounds bad but chances are that any letters sent may never reach her (due to being intercepted or if the poisoning is working well just flung in the bin) and in the meantime he is slowly going insane by being put through this constant merry go round. by all means try first though, but eventually it will affect his health and that might be the time to step away for the time being.

[Canary42]

Since the mother has ignored the Judge, then surely she is in contempt of Court and should be prosecuted accordingly.

[ladybirder]

I agree canary, but if the child is now saying she doesn't want to see her father ...

[cazzz1975]

regardless of the mothers behaviour, it will be very difficult if the child has no desire to see her father

[China Doll]

If mum gets done for anything then that's just proof to the kid that dad is making mum suffer... It's a no win situation in that respect. I agree with caz re the letters too actually, they might not reach her. Is there a friend or a social worker who at least could pass them on? If social services are not involved then it probably wouldn't do any harm to give them a call, they might be able to help.

[Smowball]

We are pretty sure that the child said she didnt want to see him just to please the mother. She was quite adamant to the CAFCASS officer on her own that she wanted to see her dad, but when she realised that the mum had now seen the report she probably thought her mothe was angry with her hence now saying the opposite.

I agree with you all, you cant physically make her get in the car, but if she is only doing this to please her mother and does want to see dad then what on earth can be done??

[cazzz1975]

I think he should continue to complain to the courts and social workers about the mothers lack of compliance, hopefully they will look into it more, I have heard some mothers are threatened to have maintenance payments halted for failing to comply with court orders.

I hope something gets sorted out

[Smowball]

cazzz that would be great if they did that because he pays maintenance regularly. Its all such a financial strain though.

[Smowball]

btw cazzzz, your earlier comment re lettes is spot on - we send birthday cards, presents, postcards etc and the child says she never gets any of them

[Nannyjill]

Just a thought I would be sending any correspondence recored delivery..that way even he doesn't get to see his daughter at a later date he can prove he tried to....and if she refuses to accept delivery it willcome back saying the same.

Hope it gets sorted out...children should never be used as pawns. Her mother hasn't yet grasped the one she is truly damaging is her daughter.

[Smowball]

I know nanny.His solicitor has written asking if future pick ups can be at the school and not the house, to avoid any scenes/pressure and mother has refused!