Home alone child

[Smowball]

Just your thoughts really. Son's friend ( a girl) lives with just her mother, who works 2 jobs apparently. One of them is in a club. So this girl gets in from school to an empty house and is alone all evening, does herself something to eat,spends the entire time from 4pm till bed time alone, goes to bed in an empty house and her mother gets in about 3 am. 6 nights a week. Now I understand the mother has to earn a living but this girl is only 12.What do you think?

[cazzz1975]

sadly its probably not what the mum wants either but if its the only way she can pay bills and provide food then she has to do what she has to do

[Mosaic]

Is there any way you could help by inviting her to stay the odd night?

[Smowball]

I know, but this girl is constantly in trouble at school and I just feel really sorry for her.She is always out in the dark at all hours.

[Tilly2]

She's obviously a very resourceful child. I'm sure the mother hates leaving her alone all the time.

[Mosaic]

I'm assuming the school knows about her home situation?

[cazzz1975]

does she have any relatives who can help out occasionally? or friends?

[tiggerblue10]

12 is a bit young to be left on their own till late at night. When I was around 12, I 'd come home from school to an empty house, make myself dinner and watch tv till my mum came home around 5.30 - 6pm.

[Smowball]

I have suggested son inviting her here but he wont hear of it. Think he has a bit of a crush on her and is at the age when to let a girl meet your mum is mortifying. No dont think school are aware at all. She is an only child, has no idea who her dad is.

[B00]

Agree with the above, its not an ideal situation, far from it really, but what can you do?

If the mum needs to work, she needs to work.

Could you not have her for tea occasionally? I would, if it was me.

[Mosaic]

Thing is, school are meant to be a hub for integrated services for kids at risk. I'd suggest this child is borderline at risk. And from what you say her bad behaviour at school may be one result of feeling lonely and isolated.

[Smowball]

B00 I have offered but son wont hear of it, will keep trying though. Its just really playing on my mind, 12 isnt very old is it.

[Mosaic]

I think the best way you could help her then is to contact whoever is in charge of safeguarding at school and ask for a confidential conversation. That way, you have done everything that you can in good conscience to get some pro-active help.
In the best of all possible worlds this might include being paired with a student mentor and given access to after-school clubs and so on so the amount of 'alone' time gets cut down.

[B00]

No, its not very old Smow.

It's not so much the getting tea on her own that'd worry me it's the putting herself to bed alone, that sounds so lonely!

[anneasquith]

is it possible this young girl is not alone 6 nights per week, maybe friends/relatives/neighbours visit her in the evening ?

[Smowball]

I dont actually know the girl personally - she only came to my attention when the school contacted me regarding my son being so distracted by her in class ie she writes all up his arms with her pen, constantly talks and talks to him till he replies and then they both get in trouble. Thats when son told me about her home life. I dont think she really has any other family apart from a nan somewhere.

[Goodsoulette]

I've just started leaving my very sensible 11 year old at home alone, but I wouldnt want to do it at night. At all. However, im sure I was left alone at that age til late and at times overnight. It's not ideal but some kids are very capable of looking after themselves.

[Old_Geezer]

Whilst I never kept a diary I believe I was home alone on occasions at 12, minding my younger siblings. That said that situation was less dramatic than you describe. Usually my parents would be back before I went to bed, and it ws not 6 days a week.

It does seem unfair on the girl you describe, being apart from her parents for such long times, left to amuse herself 6 days a week. At that age there should be guidance and security. Maybe as mentioned, it is out of necessity ?

[Smowball]

My son is also left at home for a few hours, not at that time but early evening. But this girl literally doesnt see anybody from when she gets up for school till when she wakes up the next morning - from what I gather she sees her mum from 7-7.30 am and thats it!

[Old_Geezer]

:-)
Ok I guess if the younger siblings were there it wasn't strictly alone ;-) At least not prior to their bedtime.

[murraymints]

I would reluctantly bring it to some one in authority's attention..think how bad you would feel if something happened..the family needs some help and it will not just happen 'till some one who matters knows...a hard call but one I would make