Sleep advice needed for 8 month old

[sheribee]

My baby boy is 8 months old and has never been a good sleeper but its just getting worse now. He can stand up himself now and he will stand in his cot and scream.
He is still breast fed but on good solids too, he has never slept all night and has only in last 3 weeks gone to 1 feed in the night, but I probably get up to him minimum of 15 times each night and its always been like this, he just doesn't sleep, no matter what I do!
I am at my wits end now and have tried everything, I let him cry and comfort and lay him down every 5 mins, but he will literally cry for hours, sometimes for 3 hours!! He cannot settle himself to sleep, and wakes so often, health visitors are no help at all!

[grasscarp]

Can you cuddle him next to you? He may need reassurance and to sleep with him at this early stage may be what will calm him and let you sleep as well.

[sheribee]

I have co slept with him since he was about 3 weeks on and off just to get some sleep but even in bed with me he still doesn't sleep great, cries often to feed so he can settle. That's his main problem, he can't fall asleep himself, he must be breast fed to go to sleep, but wakes up for whatever reason and can't go back sleep without a feed. I have his cot right next to my bed so he can see me at night, knows I am there and I don't leave the room to let him cry.
Tonight he woke 3 times in 2 hours and I settled him easily, then he really woke up and screamed for an hour, but finally fell asleep.
I am a walking zombie some days, I have 2 older girls but have no time or energy to spend time with them as I am exhausted from the baby and dealing with problems with husband.
He is almost 9 months so he must be ready to sleep all night by now!

[bednobs]

has he ever taken a bottle?

[2sp_]

I know not everyone will agree, but have you tried a dummy?

You poor soul, you must be exhausted with it.

[Mamyalynne]

I certainly agree with trying a dummy, another point is that the fact whenever he awakes even slightly, you are there almost near enough to touch, may actually be part of the problem.

Lots of babies that age sleep better in their own space, sounds a bit radical but worth considering.

[2sp_]

Both our kids slept in our room (in their own cot) until about 6 months. By the time we moved them out they desperately needed their own space! I think we were disturbing them more than the other way round!

[Mamyalynne]

Yes true and the fact this little lad can almost reach out and touch Mum, makes him more likely to want her and the milk, just my opinion - sleep problems can be awful I know.

[Nini74]

oh you poor thing! you must be exhausted! i have to say i agree with the others - the only way we managed to stop my boy waking in the night for a feed was simply not to give him one (he was bottle fed though). If he woke in the night he was offered water and nothing else. I know its hard when they're little but crying for such a long time is a lot for you and him to handle. You need to try to get him into a bedtime routine now - but it should be in his own room if that's possible - like others have said, if he sees you he sees food and won't understand why he can't have it. he may need a dummy for comfort for a while to get used to it. alternatively, if you want to ease it in gently with the no milk at night, just stop offering hte milk from you - if he's that desparate for milk then he'll have a bottle. try feeding him more solids before bed so he's fuller for longer. and if nothing works - go back to your doctor, tell them the HV is no help and that you're desparate for help. good luck xxxx

[lcg]

you need to change your routine dramatically. i would stop breastfeeding now (you can always express milk if you want to), but i do think you should move him onto a bottle as soon as possible so dad can feed him too and the baby isn't relying solely on you. it is difficult to put up with screaming babies, but you must start a regular routine where he is bottle fed and bathed before bed (along with the girls if necessary) and his cot should be put in a separate room to yours. let him scream, even if it is for a long time. but....go in and check on him every 15 minutes. put him back into bed, cover him up and give him the dummy again and leave the room. do not give him any more attention than that and you just have to be more stubborn than he is, i afraid. he will eventually get the message.....and you have to change that message from his current belief - that he will get boob whenever he wants, he will get boob in bed whenever he wants, and if he screams, he gets attention and fuss. difficult to go through, but you can do this.....start tonight and do as you mean to go on. you can make babies fit into your routine rather than the other way round. super nanny clips on you tube may also be able to give you good advice. all the best x

[bednobs]

it sounds like he's using you as a dummy. is he teething?

[sheribee]

Thanks everyone. He is in with us for the foreseeable future as we have a tiny 2 bed house, and our room is downstairs and girls room upstairs. Our room is small so his cot is right nxt to me, health visitor told me to put him in the hall but then he will b right in front of the front door which isn't double glazed and our escape route in a fire.
I have done 2 nights now with no night feeds but I had to bring him in bed with me at 3am and that's where he stayed.
Stopping feeding is not an option as I don't give my kids milk, only soya or alternatives, and soya for under 1s isn't great, but mainly I love to feed him, it's the best feeling in the world :)
Routines are also a nightmare as he tends to have to fit round everyone, kids have clubs, homework, hair needing doing, plus dinners cooked clothes washed etc... Never ending list hey x he is a happy loving baby but just won't sleep, and I am truly exhausted! Feel like scummy mummy rather than yummy mummy coz I look and feel like crap xx

[coccinelle]

I have a friend who had this problem. She put a couple of bottles (you'd need to express your milk) at hand reach and he fed himself when he woke.

[joeluke]

Let the child cry, eventually he'll get so tired and fall asleep. You've made a rod for your own back by going in to him 15+ times a night, he cries because he knows you will be in to comfort him shortly

[Mick-Talbot]

All kids are not the same, joe. I had 3 sleepers and one who just wouldn't.

[joeluke]

Cruel to be kind, tough love etc

[Infomaniac]

I don't know if it would work for you, but it certainly did for me. My son was a very poor sleeper, just like yours. We recorded the sound of the vacuum cleaner and played it whenever we wanted our son to go to sleep - and he did. When he woke up, if he didn't need feeding or changing we just played the tape again and off he went to sleep. It saved my sanity.

[chrissa1]

They're all in the same room joeluke, so that isn't an option. I sympathise with you.
Is he cold? Try one of those all in one sleep babygros.

[bednobs]

my friend swears by a white noise app on her phone.

[shiznit]

Baby and Bump is brilliant for advice, Maximilian is 16 weeks old and fortunately a good sleeper, but my wife goes on there lots for all kinds of advice.