Anger Management!

[Dave Bradley]

I told my 11 year old son to F**k off the other day after several warnings as i was so frustrated with him, im ashamed that i have done it- but can you give me any advice on how to keep calm in these situations? 

[llindsey1]

Every parent loses his/her cool once in awhile. Children are always pushing, testing there boundaries. I am the mother of two. a 4 year old and a 2 month old. My 4 year old is very fresh and I too have said things I did not mean. And mostly I have a lot of patience. But we are only human. Tell your son you are sorry. And what always helps me keep calm is saying to myself this too shall pass. Pretty soon you will be sending him off to college and watching him get married before you know it. Just try to remeber these things when he's driving you crazy. Im not sure if any of this helps but you'r not a bad person. especially since you know it was wrong. Bad people have no remorse. 

[lissyl78]

Agree that every parent loses it once in a while so don't beat yourself up over it. Apologising is also a good idea, even though it's sometimes hard to do when they've wound you up so much! As for how to avoid it in future, I think it depends on what he's doing to make you so angry. If my son argues with me or answers back to the point where I want to pull my hair out, I tell him to walk away because I can't talk to him anymore. That way, we both get time to cool off and can talk about what happened later calmly and rationally.

Good luck though!

[BobbyzGirl]

From a child's point of view...    My Dad is really against swearing- he never does it.  When I was 11 (i'm 16 now), he was taking me and my brother to school when i remebered i'd left my P.E. kit- i could tell he was annoyed so i said 'sorry dad, i'm just stupid' to which he replied 'no your not, your just f***ing lazy!' - i felt awful.  The thing i kept thinking about was what he must really think of me to say such a thing.  I hated him for making me feel so bad, but i hated myself for making him say such a thing.  I know that he was wound up, so i just cried to myself until i got over it.  The problem was, my dad never once tried to explain why he said it, we have never spoke about it.

You need speak to your son and explain to him why you said it- tell him that he annoys you sometimes- tell him that it's hard for you not to react.  Talk to him- compromise.  Once he's aware of it he might behave differently.  He'll appreciate you talking to him, even at 11.

[musicjan]

 We all get angry with our kids sometimes, but I dont think it is acceptable to ever use swear words in front of a child. Call me old fashioned -because they hear them every day- but it's not a good example to set is it?Nothing wrong with losing your rag-but that word and others like it should not even be in your head when you are dealing with your son. Perhaps you should tell him how sorry you are for using such a word, and that next time he is misbehaving he will be sent to a designated area(such as the bottom of the stairs)until he can behave and you can calm down