I Don't Wish To Keep On About Mic.......

[Jeza]

But this truly saddened me today.

He has a 2 handled beaker. I left him drinking his coffee while I did a couple of jobs. When I went back in to him he had dropped the cup and he was wet through. Fortunately he wasn't burnt. I asked him why he hadn't called me and he said because he was frightened. When I asked what he was frightened of he said you. This really upset me. After I composed myself I asked why he was frightened of me. He said he didn't know. I look after Mic like a mother looks after her baby I make sure he is clean and dry as well as feeding him. I buy his favourite foods and sweeties. Since his stroke I have never so much as raised my voice to him. When he gets in a mess I tell him it doesn't matter (even though I fell sick to my stomach) and I will soon have him clean again.So why did he say what he did. This has been gnawing at me all day.
Does anyone have any experience of this? Thanks for listening.

[Mamyalynne]

He may have said 'frightened' but what he probably really means is that he wishes he wasn't putting all this work on you. His mind will be all a jumble and some days the words come out wrong, he is likely scared of where he is in all this since his stroke.


It is hard not to take comments like this to heart.


And you aren't going on - you are sharing with us. X

[Elina]

Jeza, just a tip. My father used a two handled beaker. The trouble was he would sometimes fall asleep with it in his hands. Mum would place the beaker in a small box on his bed to keep it upright x

[Tilly2]

I think he is frightened of you because he knows how much you are doing for him and he's frightened of annoying you in case you stop doing it.

He is not frightened of you as a person, He is frightened that he relies on you so much.

[Elina]

Jeza, it's hard, Mic is'nt himself obviously, illness changes people. You are doing a wonderful job, it's a very tiring one I know. I am going to my fathers funeral on Friday, he passed away last week. He was bedridden for four years. Don't take what Mic says too much to heart, he doesn't mean it x

[Nibble]

That's a very astute answer, tilly

:)

[murraymints]

Jez he's frightened of himself really..he's knows something isn't right but confused about what....I had three years of this with FIL ..don't take it to heart...he's upset with himself but doesn't understand why....

[Tilly2]

Thank you, nibble.

[tonyav]

Aw Jeza, I can't add anything to anything the others have said. Try not to take everything Mic says to heart.

[Elina]

Murray I agree x

[DaisyNonna]

Jeza, I cried. I think Mic is just frightened of losing you. You give him excellent care, look after his every need and importantly you give him love.
Relax, smile and continue.
Best wishes to you both.

[Jeza]

Mamya you have made me feel a lot better. He does mix up words sometimes and often struggles to find the word he is looking for.

Elina Mic has a table over the bed like you see in hospitals but often knocks things over.

Tilly thanks, I am only doing what anyone in my situation would do.

[Maydup]

Nothing to add but a ((((hug))))

[gness]

Jeza...it is exactly as Mamya says....honestly.

MrG hated not being able to do things.....I went off to work and told him to rest but he wanted to do something to help me...can't remember what...but he lost his balance and fell....
He said nothing to me but after two days confessed and said he was in pain...he had broken a bone in his arm....he was frightened to tell me because I had told him to rest.
He felt that now he was even more of a burden...his word...to me he never was but they do feel that they are no longer looking after us...as I'm sure Mic did you....and that they are making work for us.

They do use the word frightened....but it's not that they are scared of us.... they really are just trying so hard not to put more on us..as they see it... and they worry, which makes them feel frightened.

I hope that makes sense to you....I'm not always the best explainer but I do know how you feel about this and believe me, Mic is not frightened of you......he is aware of...and a bit scared of....the situation he finds himself in....that is what scares him....so sad but so understandable....

Jeza...never, ever reproach yourself....the old Mic wouldn't want that...you do know that.

Love Gx

[Jeza]

When I started to type there were only 3 answers. Thanks to each of you. You have all made me feel a lot better.

[Elina]

Jeza, yes my dad had one of those, often though he'd rest it on the bed sheets . Helps if there's a wooden 'lip' fixed around all sides of the table x

[gness]

Jeza...forgot this bit! When MrG had the plaster cast off his arm I took it home.....I wrapped it around a vase and it stood in our fireplace with flowers in til he died.....as a reminder to listen to she who knows best!!! ☺

[Jeza]

Gness, yes it does make sense thankyou

[pixie373]

I agree with gness. He could be mixing words up/frightened of the situation/frightened of upsetting you (the most likely imo). It doesn't mean he is frightened of you. I can't see that at all.

[Mamyalynne]

Jeza, if any single one of us or all of us collectively can make things even a tiny bit easier to bear each day, then that is what we are here for - even though I had my family, I felt they were suffering too, so to have an outlet away from them saved my sanity at times.

Take care my love.x

[Peter Pedant]

I think he had to have a reason quick - oh I know frightened

I dont think he really was - of you
He may be, of the future...

try not to let it gnaw....