Unplanned 3Rd Pregnancy. Advice??

[yellownana]

Right. I am around 5 weeks pregnant with my third. I have an almost 3 year old and 5 year old. This was unplanned and a big shock. I was in the pill and it failed.

I work part time and my partner works loads so is hardly at home. We have a 3 bed house and pay quite a lot on child care.

We get on, but having a bit of a difficult time at the minute with arguing etc. my 5 year old is quite high maintenance and a handful. I wasn't happy about being pregnant again , but don't think I can have an aborton. I just don't want to struggle. I am 30. My mum has said if I keep this baby it will be a big mistake as I wouldn't cope. My partner wants it, but knows we probably will struggle. I don't know what to do. I feel sick with sorry as not sure id cope, but don't want to make a mistake and regret it. Any advice, or has anyone been in a similar position. Is 3 children that hard. I'm not the greatest on no sleep and I'm impatient and snappy. I'm not asking anyone to make this decision. But some advice would be nice. I feel awful.

[Retrochic]

You have admitted you would find it difficult to cope. Your pregnancy at the moment it little more than a missed period in some peoples eyes, a small cluster of cells. You will be given a pill to end the pregnancy as long as its under I thing 9 weeks.Better to end the pregnancy as soon as possible than to um and ah for another 10 weeks then decide to abort at a later stage when it will bemuchmre stressfull.

[ummmm]

You'll probably cope much better than you think. I have 3. It's not easy but I managed...

[Retrochic]

Shes not coping now with two so how she's miraculously going to become supermum with three beats me. She's only 30 so can try for another baby when she feels ready to cope.

[ummmm]

She didn't say she wasn't coping now.

[janbee]

retro, I agree. It's not my place to tell someone what to do in this situation. All I know is, if it were me, I would abort but then I'm a strong supporter of abortion. I wish you well nana, whatever you decide to do.xx

[yellownana]

I do cope, but sort of find it very hard. I don't want to make a mistake I regret x

[Mamyalynne]

The problem here is, you have your mother saying you won't cope and your partner saying you'll struggle.


No one is being positive - I tend to agree with Ummmm, you will cope most of us do - but take a long look at your marriage, what is the cause of all the arguing for instance?

[yellownana]

It sounds silly, but daft things. Like mess and cleaning up after himself etc. we are tying to work on it and I'm trying not to nag so much. We are just at en easier stage now as youngest is out of nappies and little things like that. More family help take them out overnight as they're older. Just seems daft to go back to the start. I don't know...

[Retrochic]

yellownana you say you don't want to make a mistake I regret. That could work both ways, you could go ahead with the pregnancy and regret it. Another child in an already struggling household could end up the scapegoat 'if it wasn't for the baby we would....(fit in what you like). You need to speak to someone who's 'out of the loop' a third person who can give you advice on your options and also advice on what, if any, help may be available to you should you decide to go through with the pregnancy. Your GP surgery nurse could be the starting point.

[carrust]

There's also adoption to consider.

[atalanta]

You'd probably be better off without this pregnancy, but if your partner wants the baby badly enough, he has to promise to give you more support around the house, and with the 2 you already have. If he claims he can't help more, you are perfectly justified in ending the pregnancy. You can't be expected to sustain all these burdens by yourself.

[yellownana]

I could never in A million years have it then give it up so that's not really an option.

[Mamyalynne]

It is difficult if you are a neat and tidy person not to nag - the hardest lesson I learnt was that family life is untidy and messy. I grew to relax and enjoy it - eventually you get your neat tidy home back.


Mind you then along come grandchildren....but that's another chapter.

I hope you reach a decision that makes you all happy.

[Mamyalynne]

Every right to a say Jordy, a man's viewpoint here is as valid as any woman's.

[Retrochic]

yellownana, if your problems with coping are all about a tidy house and trying to be a super mum forget it -an untidy house is not the end of the world. Can I make a suggestion? You say you are working part-time and child care costs are high. Have you thought about becoming a full-time mum? You may find, unless you have a highly paid profession, that you will be better off in the long run -more time for the children, more time to shop around for bargains. Why not sit down with your OH and do some sums and see how you might be able to cope. If not working isn't an option then sit down and work out rotas so you deal with household chores equally.

[Retrochic]

Jordyboy she's not looking for advice she's looking for support.

[mandimoo]

Hugs, what a dilemma. Having created and bought a child into the world, and knowing the absolute joy (and yes the frustration, hard work, boredom, lack of sleep etc), I couldn't bring myself to end that potential. I was very pro abortion in my younger years. Now I think I am pro choice, but it is not a choice I could make.
Consider..... that your oldest is growing up fast. He/she may become a great help to you. If you become a stay at home mum, would your loss of earnings be cancelled out by not having to pay childcare? Your hormones will be running amock making your decision even harder.
I imagine (perhaps someone with 3 kids could confirm), that having 3 kids, is not 3 times as hard as having one.
You have gained a wealth of experience with your last two. You could do this with your eyes closed (if not sleeping!). Don't underestimate yourself and sell your self short.
Is there a chance you would forever regret the decision to terminate?
I think you need to have a long hard talk with partner and tell him your doubts are in no small way linked to the state of your relationship. This could be crunch time. If you are looking for an out.... Here it is. If you want it to work... It starts here.

All the best with your difficult decision xx

[Retrochic]

colinandjess -how dare you! I was giving advice about abortion not inciting her to abort! I have four children and thankfully have never had to make a choice. Try giving some help or support instead of looking for a fight, this is not your show!