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Eleven year old picks up a toy that no one is using -her four year old brother comes aver and grabs it from her She felt he was rude Toy was his but not currently being played with How to handle this??
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You have to deal with these issues at the time they occur - a four year old will not equate a later lecture with the incident described.
When he snatches his toy, take him to one side, and explain calmly that his sister was playing with the toy for a short while, and will return it to him when she has finished. You know the toy belongs to him, but it's kind to share things in the family, you and mummy / daddy do this, and it makes people happy.
Children this age are territorial, and sharing has to be shown and taught, but if you explain it to him with a view to making him feel that it's a good thing to do, he will soon get the idea.
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I'm a nanny and would use andy's answer,learning to share is very important in a childs development,also tell your 4 year old that if he shares his toys nicely then his sister will want to share things with him,also try sitting down,you and your children,and play with a toy together,ie,a train track and share the toys,this way your 4 year old will see sharing as a behaviour that is acceptible. Don't use In A Pickle's suggestion,that is a down grading remark to an 11 year old,why shouldn't she play with a 4 year olds toy? Why should she stop? If you did that then the 4 year old would see this as a way to control these situations and will not learn the important behaviours of sharing,co-operating and treating family and friends with respect,the way he would want to be treated,hope this all makes sense!!!
Hi KJM, Just looking at your question. As suggested please don't take the advice of A Pickle in these days of children growing up too quickly it should be encouraged to take a step back and play in the childrens world. However, what I would do, ( as well as taking the other advice on teaching the 4 yr old to share) is encourage the 11 year old ( who is still a child) to ask the 'owner' of the toy if its ok to play with it for a while.
You will find that the 4 yr old will (hopefully) appreciate being asked his/her permission. If he/she declines then you have a basis to start the concept of 'sharing'
As a little aside. A few years ago my mother was in hospital when I visited with my daughter who was then 3 yrs old. We bought nanny in some chocolates and on que my daughter gave them to her nanny. When mum opened the box my daughter, who was sitting on the bed at this stage, asked mum to hand her the box saying "sharing is caring nanny". Now age 16 yrs she still insists that her older sister shares all of her clothes with her!!
Good luck it's not easy - the memories great tough!!
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