Is This Normal Behavior From A Man To A Child

[dieseldick]

i really need opinions on this. today i left ex wife off at indian suermarket , i was sitting in car with our 7 yr old daughter, she said to me " daddy i dont like go in that shop with mummy" i asked her why, she said on a couple / few occasions he said to her " i am your daddy " " i am going to take you away " she said he was talking as if joking, i asked did he try touch you or come over to you she said yes once he came near her tried to pet her head but she squeezed mums arm and held onto mummy. i asked ex wife about this man when she came out but she said in " oh he is only joking "

in my view this is not normal, i would never say this to a child ven as a joke, my ex wife is an absolute discrace, i have had social services out twice in last year about her leaving my child out at night playing in street alone when she was away to work.

cut a long story short, i want go see this person tomorrow , am i wrong, is my kid telling it wrong, is my ex wife really that much of an idiot to let a total stranger sy things like that to my child, i cant sleep for thinking about this person, grooming ?

thats why i want advice , i need to know am i wrong or not, i want to go in there and do something. i need to hear views. this is not normal , to me its not normal talk / behavior,

what would you do

[woofgang]

What i think is that you should not deal with it. If you have got concerns, and I can see why you might have, then speak to the police or social services.

[EDDIE51]

From what you have said here I can not make a judgment. We need to hear and see the other side of the argument.
The 'other man' could just be saying he is intending treating your ex wife and her child to a holiday.
I am talking from personal experience here. My daughter currently has a problem with the father of my granddaughter who comes from Ghana.
My granddaughter has reported that she 'does not like Daddy because he wants to take me to Africa'
Now we have a court order that he can only take my granddaughter for his access visits if he hands over his passport to me for safe keeping while he has her. The courts were very helpful and went out of their way to ensure my granddaughter is as safe as possible.
In your case I would say do not be afraid of taking court action, I think you will find them very helpful.

[waterboatman]

I agree with woofgang. If you get involved you will not help. Leave it to the police and/or social services. You must do that soonest.

[Mamyalynne]

I also don't advise you to approach this in person.

He may simply see it as jovial joky chat, but he does need to rein it in as not everyone will grasp his sense of humour.

[Peter Pedant]

no dont go near him
re contact social services

he could mean " I will take you away on holiday " couldnt he ?

[EDDIE51]

You have to see that you are biased against this man ( which is only natural as he is a potential 'new partner' for your ex) and only see what he is alleged to have said in a negative light.
I also say to you 'please do not go and confront this man'
If you are unwise and do go and confront him your aggression will be viewed in a bad light in any possible court action . Once again I speak from personal experience!

[Mamyalynne]

Eddie, I think he's a local shopkeeper not a potential new partner - unless I have totally misunderstood the OP.

[EDDIE51]

Yes Mamyalynne but I read it as he is a 'friend' of DD's ex as well as the shopkeeper. Possibly dd will come back and tell us more?

[Mamyalynne]

No worries, my answer stands - I've read it four times now.


Hope you get it sorted DD.

[Old_Geezer]

The "daddy" thing is a little much, but surely you have met adults who joke in such a fashion before. His 'touching' seems to be restricted to ruffling your child's hair whilst she was with her mother.

My take is that you are worrying unnecessarily, but the discomfort your daughter feels should be made known to her mother so she can either avoid taking her to that shop or she can say to the shopkeeper that the joking is making your daughter uneasy and could he reign it back.

No, I don't think confrontation is called for. The mother was there and should deal With things Iin her own way. Otherwise it may blow up into a greater incident than presently seems called for.

[dieseldick]

EDDIE51
Mark as Best Answer
From what you have said here I can not make a judgment. We need to hear and see the other side of the argument.
The 'other man' could just be saying he is intending treating your ex wife and her child to a holiday.

no eddies i cannot agree with that , this man has absolutely no relationship with my xwife, she just goes to his shop once a week to buy cheap fish. i did nt sleep a wink last night thinking about what to do, im having a terrible time allready trying to manage my xwifes new home and keep my childs welfare and life running smoothly, last week i need once again to contact social services ( SS ) about a friend of xwifes 2 sons coming into new home drinking, hiding bottles of vodka around the place , sleeping over every night in her new home, i have fought with her over this young guy staying ,he is 23 and i threatened him last week that if i seen him in home again i would break his face, strong words but listen to this, my daughter was sleeping with her mum, she went to pee and walked out onto landing where she seen this young man lying at foot of the door on the stair landing outside her bedroom , in her words she thaought he was " drunk " but my paranoid mind is racing with all kinds of things, what to hell was he doing there at that time of night . this is all after i helped get the x a new home after all the problems she had in old home last 2 years, i threw 3000 pounds of my savings into helping her make this new place nice for my child, its in a n great area and i just wanted a new start for them, now it seems that she is letting the sons and their friends ruin my daughters happiness and lifestyle again, reason im telling this is because of this , my little daughters life has been stressed enough and SS have been called once again into her life last week and now i need to take her to police to make a statement adding to an allready stressfull time for her . im thinking i want to deal with this myself as a father but its hard to stand back , i dont want to do anything stupid . but it seems by some repolies that this is definately not normal behavior from a middle aged man toward a 7 year old child , not to me anyways ! police go to him he will only deny it anyway plus i know for a fact the x will throw another fit if i involve the authorities and she will probably take it out on my child, last week after i told my kid to tell social service the truth about whats going on at home and why she cant do her homework or sleep well in her home becuse of these boys friends coming she replied " ok daddy i will tell them the truth but when they go mummy will only smack her and shout at her ".

its a mess. but a completey different topic alltogether in that im now struggling with myself if i am doing the right thing in involving SS again, im scared they will seperate her from mummy. i justb want best for her, child wants my sister and her partner to adopt her and my sister has allready expressed that she is willing to step in if the worst comes .

[Old_Geezer]

" i did nt sleep a wink last night thinking about what to do"
IMO you tend to overanalyse and worry without clear cause.

"xwifes 2 sons coming into new home drinking, hiding bottles of vodka around the place , sleeping over every night in her new home"
This is more something you can bring to the attention of the social services as not providing a suitable living place for your daughter.

"i threatened him last week that if i seen him in home again i would break his face"
Although you are not showing that you are a suitable alternative with these threats of violence.

[murraymints]

if you have serious concerns take them..with evidence..to the authorities..do NOT go in gung ho or you could end up with no access..play the smart and long game..softlee softlee catchee monkee ..best of luck diesel..but PLEASE "keep the heid "

[dieseldick]

i will speak with social worker on monday and have her come to my home when my kid is here with me first, have a good talk with her and see what can be done.

[hc4361]

Are you saying your ex-wife's sons (your daughter's brothers) are barred from staying at their mother's home?

[Tilly2]

I think they're sons of a friend, hc.

[scorpiojo]

//friend of xwifes 2 sons//

[hc4361]

Ah, thanks.

[hc4361]

I have several points I wish to make about your posts on this thread, DD

It is your ex-wife's home and you cannot dictate who her visitors are.

Adoption would absolve you of all parental responsibility for your daughter and you would have no say whatsoever about her life. You would no longer be her father in the legal sense. Your ex-wife would have to agree to it.

As for the guy in the shop, either ask your ex-wife to stop shopping there or not take her daughter with her but above all else reassure your daughter.

Is there any way your daughter could live with you if you believe your ex-wife to be such a very poor mother that you keep reporting her to social services? Your daughter is just as much your responsibility as her mother's.

[tamborine]

Your daughter should tell him she has a lovely dad or.....take your daughter into the shop so she can introduce her dad to the shop keeper. That should frighten him off. Dont forget to pat the shop keeper's head in 'a friendly gesture' ;)