offshore child

[cm]

my 16 daughter lives with her mother, is very angry with me. have not spoken or seen each other since may 04. she's doing well in school and life.
how to gently be there? I support her economically.
Please share your kindest thoughts.

[maggie01]

Try writing to her if you haven't already and tell her how you feel. 16 is a funny age even if they live with you. Explain you are always there for her and then leave the door open for her to get in touch. You obviously have some contact to know she is doing well. Maybe she doesn't want to upset her mum if there is some bad feelings there. Good Luck its not easy with teenagers at the best of times. Hope you hear from her soon.

[rampart]

I agree with maggie. Do continue to write. She must continue to hear that you care about her. Humans are funny things - when we are hurt, we need reassurance for quite a while before we can accept it. A kind note or card sent once in a while, and perhaps a small gift or two for milestones in her life that you are missing. Small things that say you wish you were there and that you care and love her.

[EssJay1]

My ex contacts the kids through e-mail or text message. He currently lives abroad and has done since we split. Now the kids are older, have their own phones etc he can keep in contact with them that way. I really don't like it, for many reasons, (long, long story) but it allows him and them to keep in touch as and when they want to. Would that be possible for you and your daughter?

[orange-gnome]

I just had to post an answer here because when I was 16ish I had a falling out with my father, at the time I vowed to myself never to speak to him again, I even sent him a letter telling him how the only thing I had learnt from him was how not to be a parent (teenagers ay?!!). Throughout the next couple of years he rang me a few times but I refused to speak to him. He stopped trying and after a while it just seemed like it had been too long to do anything about it. I missed him terribly at times but was I was convinced that he didn't care because he had stopped trying to speak to me, he never sent me cards on birthdays.
Anyway, I am 24 now and getting married to my wonderful bf which has got me thinking more of my father, when I questioned my sister as to whether she thought he might want to come to my wedding, she said as though she had been bottling it up for ages that he would love to and is so upset that he is not in my life.
We have still not made contact but my sister passed on my address and so I am waiting for a letter which of course I will be over the moon to recieve and am likely to call him straight away and arrange to meet him and for him to meet my fiance.
So the advice I would give is like the others have said, just send her a letter every now and again, a card on her birthdays and christmas maybe. Just to always let her know that you love her and you are thinking of her and don't give up she will come round in the end if you just let her know the door is always open for her...just don't give up!