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What Should I Choose?
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I adopted my daughter on February 8th 2022. She was originally my foster child until I was able to adopt her. She is 15 and her name is Jay. Jay was diagnosed with separation anxiety disorder (SAD) in June 2022. I have not been able to leave Jay anywhere by herself. When I leave her alone, she starts breaking down. The break downs consist of crying, screaming, anxiety attacks, and shaking. I've been able to do everything with Jay without problems. I've homeschooled her and I take her everywhere. Jay is only like this towards me and not her adopted father. Now to the part that is important. I have a family reunion to go to in a few months. This means I have to bring Jay with me but there is a problem. There will be a specific person at that reunion that Jay knows. He was a terrible person to her. I hate to get into detail, but that man is her biological father. He was an abusive father and sexually assaulted Jay. He makes Jay very uncomfortable. I don't want her to sit there in fear. My family takes family reunions very seriously, if I were to not show up because of someone there, half my family would cut me out. I love my family and my daughter. I have to choose between family and the person I care so much about. I don't want to leave her at home to panic and I don't want her to relive trauma, but I don't want to lose my family. What would you all choose?
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For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.FoxLee2 - The reunion lasts for a few hours (2 or 3). Faking a disease is an amazing idea. Thank you so much! I think that can be the way I can keep everyone somewhat happy. Jay does not have counselling. She was prescribed a medication but it made her eat less and she didn't seem like herself. She barely spoke so I took her off of it.
You definately should not take Jay. However a child that has been abused needs counselling. Does Jay have a designated social worker or guardian ad litum? Maybe that person could arrange a meeting with your family and explain the harm that having Jay in contact with her abuser would do to her mental health and well-being
calmck - She has refused counseling. I have asked to take her to a therapist or counselor, and she does not want to. I don't want to force her to do anything she is not comfortable with. She hates talking about it and bringing it up and I hate to admit it but so do I. My family does not care about Jay. They see Jay as a 'temptation' that 'seduced' him and made him sin. That is just the reality of some situations.
You committed yourself to your daughter when you adopted her, and you have a duty to ensure that she is not harmed or hurt.
Your family chose to disbelieve the accounts of the abuse that she suffered, and to continue to accept their abuser into their midst. The family are now expecting you to subject your daughter to psychological trauma of being in his presence.
By doing so, you would be sending the message to your daughter that her experience, her fear and her trauma are less important than staying on the right side of your family by being friendly with her abuser.
So your choice is - will you put your daughter first, or will you put her abuser first?
It's your decision.
Your family chose to disbelieve the accounts of the abuse that she suffered, and to continue to accept their abuser into their midst. The family are now expecting you to subject your daughter to psychological trauma of being in his presence.
By doing so, you would be sending the message to your daughter that her experience, her fear and her trauma are less important than staying on the right side of your family by being friendly with her abuser.
So your choice is - will you put your daughter first, or will you put her abuser first?
It's your decision.