How do you introduce new foods?

[parkers]

I am at my wits end.. My partners 7 years old daughter eats the following - chocolate covered cereal, toast with Jam or Chocolate spread, sandwiches containing Jam or chocolate spread, M&S Fishfingers only, smiley faces, no bits yoghurt and any kind of chocolate, sweets and crisps..NOTHING ELSE !

I've found out that literally from birth her poor excuse of a mother fed her tinned macaroni cheese and not much else !! And has never bothered to make her eat anything else. My partner is also hugely to blame as as soon there are tears she gets her own way.

It is driving me insane, that a child dictates to it's parents even the brand of fishfingers it will eat.. My partner cannot see the damage that he and his ex have and are continuing to do....

[goddessmum]

Try giving her the same meal that you are having twice a week to start with and then nothing else to eat if she refuses to at least try it. I think you need to get your partner on side too and ask him to ignore the tears. She will not starve herself. Have you thought about using a reward system with stars, 7 year olds are quite good at sussing out that x amount of stars mean a treat at the end. Good luck

[parkers]

Hi goddessmum, I tried to introduce that she should try a new food once a week for a treat, she tried a tiny nibble of a few things, which took literally an hour, then as she made such a fuss about it her Dad put a stop to it.. ?! Being the step-parent is very difficult as I know exactly what I would do but that is very different to my partners view that she shouldn't me force fed... !!! Hardly, I was made to eat everything on my plate no matter what !! Both parents have become even softer with the split and they have 7 years of poor parenting to repair... I will have to try and get him to my way of thinking.. She is pale and cannot shift coughs or colds, this has got to be from lack of decent food

[woofgang]

poor baby. I can see your point parkers, but as you have identified, this littlie is a victim of poor parenting and I don't think that your being forceful will help.

If the little one still sees mum a lot then your ability to change the circs is going to be very limited. You could try putting vitamin drops into whatever she drinks to boost her nutrition. What does she eat at school or when she goes to friends houses to play? what do you give the children who come to play with her?

Could you get some help from child and family guidance through your GP. PLEASE PLEASE don't think of this as "the child dictating" This is a troubled little girl who, from the sounds of things has not had a good start in life!

[Scarlett]

I remember Iceland used to do "vegetable chips" which were crinkle cut chips made with veg, so they were different colours! That may be worth trying?? Have you tried roast dinner? Most kids do like that. Holland and Barrett sell lots of "healthy" snacks that you could give her instead- carob smarties rather than M&Ms, bars made from fruit that taste just like sweets..They also have a freezer with "junk" food which is made with no additives or preservatives etc. My friend's little girl won't eat fish but she likes "pink chicken"- salmon!!

You could try M&S fish cakes etc, as they have better ingredients than a lot of other supermarkets. Also try giving her (and everyone else) ONLY water to drink- ban sweet drinks. She will drink the water, and her sweet tooth will diminish somewhat.

[parkers]

Hi Woofgang, she sees her Mum a week on/week off, so we have her equal amounts of time, her Mum is anything for an easy life and therefore does not even bother to cook her anything hot, this is where I think the main problem lies, her Mum lets her do exactly as she pleases, whereas she knows that when she is with us there are rules, but on the flip side we give her alot of love, time and affection which is something her mother doesn't. She is at private school and so they pretty much cater to the individual, she has smiley faces and Jam sandwiches at school. When she has friends over they eat as her Dad and I do, fruit, vegetables, meat etc... Her Mum and Dad were always very poor eaters themselves when they were together , rarely cooking and existing on takeaways. Whereas I always cook fresh food and always have veg or salad, which her Dad says that he has never eaten so well.

It is their fault and the frustrating part is that neither of them seem particularly bothered.. Which is terrible..

I think that help needs to be got from somewhere as her parents simply have no idea !!

[parkers]

Scarlett, I will try and find the products that you mentioned, I think though that there are deeper problems that need sorting 1st - like her Mum and Dad taking some responsibility.

There is nothing in a roast dinner that she will eat.. She heaves at the smell of most foods... as far as drinking she drinks lots of milk and also water... I think that it maybe a cry for attention from a mum and dad that have failed their child ?! As Woofgang said it isn't her fault, it is her parents, but until they realise that I feel stuck..? I fortunately know right from wrong and giving your child whatever they want does them no good at all !

[elled]

hi parkers i know exactly what youre going through because my 11 year old is exactly the same he'll only eat certain very limited foods he has always been that way i keep hopeing hell grow out of i thought once he went to the big school hed see his mates eating what ever n would start eating the same to fit in kind of thing but no that hasent worked hes nearly 12 now so the growing out of it theory isnt working as yet ive mentiits eaoned to the doctor before now the reply was well hes not under weight so theres not much of a problem but there is you cant keep eating the same thing every day forcing them dosent help it just makes it worse he just gets hysterical and makes himself sick and he would rather starve than have to try something different and i mean starve there is no way on this earth you can get him to try something new. he has seriously got a proper phobia about food i think thats what its turned into a phobia.

[mazie]

Hi

I'm afraid I'm a fanatic about real food, however, I've never had to deal with other peoples children. The way I got mine to eat "proper" food was involving them in the making of it. I got them to help me make bread and beefburgers, bake cakes and peel veg and grate cheese and make ice cream....It worked for me, I always let the kids carry what they'd made to the table and help serve it and made sure that everyone told them how great it was

hope that helps :o)

[maximo]

Hi there Parkers. I have very little to contribute to your particular problem, having no kids myself, but I have just read your question, and cannot help but putting in my twopence worth.

Your words to describe your partner's child's mother - namely "her poor excuse of a mother " -made me cringe. I know you would never dare to actually say those words in the presence of the little girl, but be careful that sometimes we can think "out loud". Those words are the exact same words my father used to talk about my mum, with whom I lived after their separation, and I have never forgiven him for it. I have not seen him for now almost 12 years. Remember that you might not like her, you might despise her even, and disapprove of the way she brings her daughter up,but she is still this child's mother and nothing will ever take that away.

Some words can do more damage to a child than a bad diet. Now, apologies if you said this in the spur of the moment, but I felt I had to say something.I wish you good luck in all sincerity. x

[parkers]

Maximo, let me just explain.. my parents split up when I was 6 and I know exactly what it is like, my mother constantly put my Dad down and I know the damage that can be done, one thing that I can hold my head high and say is that I have never said a bad word about Amy's mother in front of her and I never would. Although I wish I could say the same about her Mum, this is a woman who has turned up at our home several times, drunk, trying to climb through our window, screaming for her daughter, calling me a spastic cripple in front of her daughter, ( I have mild M.S) calling her daughter on our home phone and telling her to tell her Dad that she (the child) doesn't love him anymore and telling her to say that she doesn't want to see him anyone, calling the police and saying that we have kidnapped her and trying to make her daughter lie to the police, having her daughter miss at least a day a fortnight from school as she cannot be bothered to get out of bed from drinking most nights..Trying to tell her daughter to say nasty things to us, so I think that I am more than justified in calling her a poor excuse of a mother, oh also she lied to the doctors when she was pregnant to induce the pregnancy early as she was sick of being pregnant and wanted to get back into her size 8's, drinking heavily, smoking all sorts whilst pregnant. Yes all of this is shocking and yes we have been to social services, through the legal system etc, this woman had made all 3 of our lives a misery for the last 12 months, we considered full custody, but at the end of the day she loves her Mum, as long as we keep a close eye on the situation and have her as much as possible we think that is the best thing, and will let the child make up her own mind.

[parkers]

Elled and Mazie - some very useful comments, thank you both x

[kitten_uk2]

as a mother of a 18month old who is a picky eater, it is hard to get out of bad habits, anything he doesnt like(mostly veg) he heaves then brings the whole days food up, sometimes i just go for the easier option and give him a cheese sandwich, if you've not got kids yourself it's hard to realise how much hard work it is getting a child to eat properly, but obviously this child was a picky eater right from the start.

[ursula62]

It sounds like it might be in the child's best interest to get the custody arrangements reassessed. Would your partner support this?

[maximo]

My apologies Parkers. The words just triggered a reaction ! Good luck to you, you have received some sound advice in here, as one usually does. X

[parkers]

The problem we have ursula62 is that for the past couple of months things have been ok, I know that just ok isn't good enough. If we had our way she would never see the woman again, but that would not be beneficial to the child, it is however making it very difficult for us to put in place anything to do with the eating etc, she knows that there are certain rules when she is with us, that simply don't exist when she is with her Mum, such as a bedtime, bathing everyday, brushing her teeth etc... Believe me we are keeping a log of everything as she was put on an anti-molestation order by the courts to stop all the abuse to us and saying things to her daughter etc, and since then it hasn't been all that bad.

She is a very strange woman with no regard for anyone elses feelings, she has no perception of right and wrong and remorse does not come into it... But on the surface you would think she is one of the nicest people you'd ever met.. If things even nearly go back to how they have been then we will be straight to the courts for custody...

I firmly believe when she is old enough to decide she will want to come and live with us full time, but until she decides we will do all we can, as parents, to guide her in the best direction and give her the love, time, discipline and support that she needs. Which she will never get from her Mum !

[Solarjunkie]

It's a tricky one, especially with all the background. But in her complicated life, what she eats is about the only thing under her control.

Try adding a small amount of choice to her life - red pajamas or blue? Pillow at the top of the bed or the other end? Sit on the kitchen chair for lunch or the dining chair? Go out through the back door or the front one?

At the same time, try adding a small amount of another food to her plate, but without comment!!! Sweetcorn is a good choice, sweet, small, unthreatening. Don't mention it, comment on it or anything else, just put a teaspoonful on her plate each meal. As it becomes familiar, there is a good chance she will have a little taste, but it will probably take a week or two and it won't work if there is an agenda of "go on be a good girl" or something.

Keep caring, good luck.

[nfn]

good luck parkers, children need parents like you!

[noxlumos]

Hi, I agree 100% with solarjunkie, if things are as you say they are then this kid actually needs to have some power in it's life and she is clearly taking it by her choice of food. Also please bear in mind that, irrelevant of bad mothering or anything else, you can just get picky eaters. One of my sons is 14 and still cannot stomach the smell of food being cooked and eats only raw food ( he's 6 ft tall and well built so hasn't done him any harm) all of the other kids we have eat normal meals, and he really doesn't do it to be difficult.

You might want to try getting her slyly interested in food by making food fun, like letting her help you cook. Start with something she'll eat like chocolate cake and praise her to death for her help, then sneak simple snacks in she can help with that don't include her pet ingredients and see if, because she has helped make them , she'll try them.

The more you make food a battle the less success I think you'll have frankly, I think it needs to be delicately done and I wish you the very best of luck, all of you.

[padders]

It amazes me how many parents can't be bothered to cook proper food for their children and only give them rubbish with chips etc. You only have to look at people's trollies in the supermarket.

My kids were brought up the same way I was. You eat what is put in front of you or you go hungry. No fuss, they don't eat it, just throw it away and they get nothing else. In fact my son announced the other day that he has never liked cauliflower (he's 11) but he knows he has to eat it so he'd never mentioned it before. The secret is not to let her have anything inbetween meals even if she hasn't eaten anything and you know she is hungry. as was suggested elsewhere, put one new thing each time on her plate, but don't comment on it or draw attention to it. If she at least tries it, then praise her otherwise say nothing.

Perseverance is the key.

[elled]

hi again parkers i was watching itvs this morning show yesterday and theyve got a problem child seris thing going on on it well anyway on next tuesdays show the child theyre dealing with will only eat sausages and this person is going to deal with that it might be worth a look it might give us some ideas that we could try. just thought id mention it x