14 yr boy with 18yr girl internet girlfriend

[kat3az]

What wouldyou do with a 14yr boy who has been chatting for 6 months to 18 yr girl on chat. They say they are in love and he has invited her to visit. What does an 18 yr girld want with 14 yr boy? Should I ban all contact or just stop her coming? We are leaving the country at the end of the year anyway

Any advice on how to handle appreciated

[mycatis]

Stop her coming! If this was the other way round, would you let an 18 year old man visit your 14 year old daughter? I bet you wouldnt

[undercovers]

it will probably turn out to be a 40 year old man! be very very careful about this, and bear in mind that (if you are in the UK) crimes are being comitted re Grooming of a minor... she is an adult and he is a child... if you do ban the communication make sure that they do not meet without your knowledge. You could always phone the police (not 999) for advice... I would be amazed if this is an 18 year old girl tho

[Drusilla]

Considering that most teenage girls seem more mature than boys of the same age, I'd be concerned about an eighteen year old girl showing interest in a fourteen year old boy. I'd check for the bolts in her neck!!

Seriously, I'd want to have proof of her age, sex and appearance before letting him/her near any minor of mine.

[kat3az]

Yes we are in UK - she was quite happy to chat to me over the internest briefly and seemed OK but then whoever it is would, wouldn't they! They have also exchanged photos it transpires. Son asumes she will come and stay with us and she is I assume happy with this. Not sure how to handle it. If I deny all access I suppose they could meet at some point. Unfortunately son has given our address and she has given a friends (hmm) I know I am going to stop this person coming but do I ban the internet usage and how do I control what happens when he is away from me. This teenage lark is a pain in the bum.

[yummyumm]

Just wandered if they had actually spoken on the phone?

It might help to clarify a few things.

Sounds a bit suspicious to me, It could all be quite innocent but unfortunately in this day and age we have to be so carefull.

[kat3az]

no not spoken on the phone but have sent cards in post. But she hasnot given own address has given a friends.

[yummyumm]

mmmmm, please be carefull.

[undercovers]

Section 15: Sexual Offences Act 2003
A person aged 18 or over (A) commits an offence if �
1) having met or communicated with another person (B) on at least two earlier occasions, (s)he
i) intentionally meets B, or
ii) travels with the intention of meeting B in any part of the world,
2) at the time, (s)he intends to do anything to or in respect of B, during or after the meeting and in any part of the world, wgich if done will involve the commission by A of a relevant offence
3) B is under 16, and
4) A does not reasonably believe that B is 16 or over

Maybe just mentioning this to the �lady� in question will make her back off � and to deal with your son simply say that as it is illegal you couldn�t but his friend in trouble by allowing them to meet and if he cared about her he would break of the relationship as she would clearly end up with a criminal record and on the sex offenders register�
Though I would still be tempted to call the police and discuss this with them, its getting dodgier all the time with lack of addresses etc. Really worrying that your son would give this info and his photo out to a stranger maybe a quiet word about safety online is needed.

[kat3az]

yeah I think the fact that he had built up a relationship over six months through an online game a bit like dungeons and dragons he feels he knows her. He has always said oh one of the people playing is a 9 year old in america etc but this has come as a surprise all of sudden that he has been speaking to one for so long. I am rather worried now - if it is actaully a genuine 18 year old I am still concerend at why she feels a 14year old is someone she loves etc (she says these things) I am obvioulsy going to stop her coming down (hopefully) and your last comments are a good plan of action. My h usband actually said something along the same lines of warning her off, but if she is as immature as my son she is not going to see it our way and I am worried she may try to work another way around it. I do feel that we are going to have to ban interet gaming and I know he is going to be really hurt by this. He says they just want to be together (!!!!!!!!!!!!) My son is 6ft and looks 2 years older than he is but is very gullible and easily led. He even assumed she would be able to stay in his room and was genuinnly shocked when I corrected him! He has always known never to give out personal information but obvioulsy wasn't treating her as a stranger anymore. There obvioulsy isn't going to be an easy end to this and I am concerend it may cause him to rebel.

[sandrajo]

No way, it's is not only old pervy men out there, there are woman as well. what the hell would an 18 year old want with a 14 year old, that's not right,

[kat3az]

yes definately - she even said as he was 6 ft she could probaly get him in the local night clubs etc !!!

[noxlumos]

Depending on the level of maturity of your son, there may or may not be aproblem here.You are actually only talking about 4 years age difference and my own kids have had friends with differences in age such as this.You might find if you put your foot down about this too firmly it will simply drive them underground.The girl sounds a wee bit immature from what you've said so perhaps she doesn't interact well with slightly more mature teenagers which is why she may have found a level with your son, but she's hardly coming off as a great big threat to anything, since she's coming to YOUR house.A 14 year old will have a mind of their own about most things and their thoughts should be considered too in this matter or I believe you are correct and he may well rebel. Also please don't forget that in under 2 years he will be 16 and then you may find he does as he pleases anyway, and it'd be a really terrible thing if it marred your relationship with your son, if this girl really does matter to him.

Obviously where this girl comes from this friendship would not be thought of as too unusual, so I'm imaginging from the comments she's made about getting him into clubs etc that that behaviour is fairly normal for her peer group. I don't for a minute think she's some pervy old geezer, I think she's a girl whose from maybe a different social climate to yourselves.

If it was my kid I'd suggest that you all voice conference on the phone and arrange a trip somewhere where you are present.With luck she really won't be as alluring in the flesh as she seems on the net and it'll die a natural death on it's own. Alternatively she may prove to be a nice girl whose maybe very shy and has no intention of having sex with your son and you may then feel more comfortable.

The thing is that not everyone on the net is up to no good. Would you be as alarmed if he'd met her at a local youth club for example?

[sudu]

i dont have any experience on this so this suggestion might sound odd but if you're worried they'll meet without you knowing if you say no, could you meet her with your son in a public place (ie not at your house). i know your son will not be happy with this but maybe this is the last resort if there's no way you can stop them from meeting. but i do think its a bit odd that an 18 year old girl is interested in a 14 year old girl. my 18 year old friends would definately not be!

[Sweet cheeks]

Every one is assuming that they are going to jump on each other as soon as they meet!! I'm not saying that this isn't what they may have been talking about, but I can assure you that if you even suggest that this is what you think, then all hell wil let loose! Say she can stay, arrange to pick her up from somewhere so you meet her by yourself so you can get a feeling for her, arrange for her to stay at a local B&B or something if you are uncomfortable with her being under your roof, and be prepared for a broken haerted 14year old!!

[Nat13]

i met a guy on the internet, i was 13 at the time and he was 16. i really did love him, and i still do. Even though i have a bf. He is now 18 and i'm 15. It could be something completly innoncent!! and they could actualy like eachother!!

[mollymandy]

young love !!! invite her round for tea and stay with them the whole day !!!

Have a quiet word with her alone and explain things to her .

[a master]

tell your 14 year old boy that you are not comfortable with him going out with a 18yr old girl and its time to say good bye and tell her that he is to young and she is to old

goodluck hope i helped

[AMC]

Any update on this??

[ganesh]

If it had been a 14yr old girl and 18yr old boy you would have put a stop to it straight away,wouldn't you? Your son has already disobeyed you by giving out personal information on the net, and even if she is for real,the whole thing sounds well-dodgy to me. If you feel you have to give in to his requests then make sure she comes to your house while you are there.
If she is intelligent and decent she would understand your concerns and abide by your rules,but she sounds very odd. Most 18yr old girls are after 20year old guys,after all.