Too hard or worth it?

[scrumpy78]

Is having kids really as hard as everyone says it is or is it worth it and are they just saying that to a non-parent for sympathy?

still not sure whether I want kids. I think i do, then my nephew ( 7 months) throws up on me then I change my mind.

I can;t see myself never having any, please tell me it's worth it??

[LizB99]

We decided to try for a child without me really thinking about the reality of it all. After my little girl was born, I had no real sudden 'gush of love' - she was so tiny and vunerable. I had this sudden realisation that this little person was going to be dependent on me - it scared me stiff!!
The first couple of months was hard - sleepless nights and not really nowing if what you're doing is right!!!!
But things do get better, once they start walking / talking / smiling etc, it suddenly becomes all worth it. My little girl is 6 years old now, and I couldn't contemplate life without her.
My advice is, if you're in a good relationship, with family / friends who can help out when the going gets tough, then go for it!!

[kimbro44]

It is hard work and sometimes you feel like pulling all your hair and teeth out !!! However for me becoming a mum is the best thing that has ever happened to me, what my daughter brings to my life is more than i could of ever imagined. I dont think women should have children just because it is expected of them but i agree with the above post if you are in a good relationship and you feel you would like to have children then do it !!

[Gef]

Two excellent answers above. Mine are now 26, 24 and 22. It wasn't all sweetness and light but we all still sit and have a drink and have a good laugh about their childhoods. Definitely worth it.

We also get out the old photos.

[kags]

I am not sure you are ever ready or prepared to have children, but one day you just know that you do. Yes it can be hard, especially at first when you suddenly have to adapt to a total life change. Butafter that it is a process, you adapt to the changes that come about,and no doubt (as Gef can no doubt confirm) that process continues even when your children grow up. I can deal with the mucky products of my own children without a second thought, but couldn't possibly deal with vomit/poo/whatever from another child, not even a niece or nephew - so don't let your feelings toward your nephew influence you too much. You love him, but he is not your child, when your own baby throws up on you, you will not blink an eye. In fact you will want to discuss the colour and consisitency.

Personally, I have been made into a much better, well rounded (in more ways than one), confident, and self-aware person through having children. this is not the same for everyone, and I hope you make your decision based on what is right for you and your partner, not on what society expects.

[spudqueen]

How old are you scrumpy? I used to waiver between having children and not until I got to my late 20's (I was 29 was my eldest was born), one woman I knew had got married at 18 and was happily married for 20 years before she decided she wanted children!

Having said that, yes children ARE hard work, mine are now 14 and 11 and as soon as they get through one bad stage you're on to another thing! You have to be prepared to change your life (no popping out for a meal or drink when you feel like it if you haven't got babysitters on hand), and even going to the shops for a pint of milk can seem as attainable as climbing Everest at times! But they do enrich your life as nothing else can, it is SO rewarding to see them doing something for the first time, or achieving something they have struggled to do, and to have your own child kiss you or cuddle you or say they love you is so magical.

Personally I am very glad I had my children, and I love them so much, but I can understand why some people remain childless by choice and would never berate anyone who made that decision.

[scrumpy78]

i'm late twenties and recently split from the love of my life as he definately doesn't want kids so it's something that's on my mind. i think i do, but i thought it was best for us both to go our separate ways

[sense4all]

Life has a funny way of working out.I have asked some girlfriends their thoughts about this question and the answer is no one is really doing what they anticipated in fact one even said (and this was news to me ,so thanks for a great topic of discussion) she left her first husband due to his whole families harrasing her about having a child, she told them she did not want kids - however she was re-married and pregnant two years later when she met them in the high street.My bezzie mate wanted to get married and have kids as soon as we left school...needless to say she is the M.D. of her own company and childless by choice now.My own favourite moment was the look on my husbands face when someone I met from school peered into the double pushchair and said" o.m.g. YOU have got kids did I miss an important announcement, is the government making everybody have one! I never thought you'd have kids otherwise" Hubbie hummed the theme of Cruella de Ville all the way home.

Sometimes knowing what you don't want is as important as knowing what you do want.I wouldn't change much if I had to make the same choices again.Except perhaps those late drives in the car with a non sleeper... but if answer bank existed back then maybe things would have been different.

[boobesque]

No one can tell you if it would be worth it for you, my best mate is like you, she never wants to have kids, even when she sees her 3 nephews, her mum is trying to convince her to have kids, but to my mate it would be the worst thing for her.

On the other hand another mate of mine never wanted kids but changed her mind when she met the right man and now has a lovely 6 month old who she adores.

From my experience my son is worth everything i went through with him (he was extremely premature) and i love him so much i couldnt ever describe. but at the end of it all, you have to decide what is right for you x

[andyjevs]

In my very humble opinion, it's worth every waking minute. I have a 7 year old daughter who i would walk over burning coals for...and she's a proper daddy's girl too.
There will always be hard times but you really have to make the most of every minute you spend with your kids as they grow up too quick.

I phone my girl up from work every day and you can never tell them you love them enough.

Go for it....it will change almost everything about you and your life....for the better.

[Otrere]

I have a 3 year old daughter and am pregnant with my second. If it wasn't so fantastic and well worth it the first time, I definitely wouldn't have done it again! And both of mine were planned.

I also agree with the comment about your nephew not being your own. With your own its completely different. You don't care if they throw up on you, you don't care if they pee all over you, you just clean them up, clean yourself up and get changed and get on with it.

It is absolutely worth every moment of pregnancy, labour, sleepless nights, the puke, pee and poo things, throwing their dinner, refusing to eat, mega tantrums and attitude strops. Nothing can prepare you for the love you feel for your own child and the great sense of achievement you have for bringing such a beautiful little human being into the world. And of course, everyone's own child is the most beautiful baby ever.

If its really that bad, how come so many people do it? And a lot of those more than once? I'd never be without mine and wonder what I ever did without her.

[jas1002]

I totaly agree with boobesque.

When I was with my ex I didn't want to get married and deffo didn't want kids. I meet my now husband and couldn't wait for both. I think it was someone up in the skys making sure I didn't have kids with the wrong person.

Kids are hard work but they give you back in love more that anything you do for them.

Without kids you'll never have grandkids.