step kids plz help anyone

[tweetysweeti]

I have 2 step kids who l have a really good relationship with and they love their dad too bits but last year his ex stopped the kids access for no reason we have been going through lawyers trying to do the right thing as she often before has done this for long periods of time her lawyer has explained himself she cant justify her actions. As birthdays and also christmas pass the presents are mounting up which is killing us more each day, anyway the eldest is 7 yrs old has anyone ever heard of the childs opion been taking into consideration as she would live with us in a minute if she could??

[Dreaming]

hi tweety, its a very difficult situation. I am talking as a mother here, and not having a pop at you.

But as a mother, when your ex husband/partner meets someone else and that other person takes on the role of mother to her children. You have to accept its very hard for her.

She is still the mother, but is now having to accept that another woman is part of bringing her children up. And that is not easy. I would find it very difficult.

[tweetysweeti]

Thanks Dreamer , the thing is they have been split up for 5 yrs she dumped him he left her with the house and everything in it, and l have been with my partner for 3 years to be honest if that is what she is putting her kids through the pain of not seeing their dad for her own selfish reasons l really dont think much of her. But that just my opion

[noxlumos]

All I can say is make sure you have the best solicitor available as some people have no compunction in using their children to make their ex-partners life a misery ( my ex-wife springs to mind).All you can do with rabidly out of whack people is hope that if you give them enough rope they will hang themselves, tempting though it is to help them. I don't know if they will take the wee seven year old's opinion into account or not to be honest but there's sure to be some kind of court social worker involved at some point who'll talk to the kids, so just hope that it's a savvy individual you get.

I have custody of my kids, but that was by an arrangement we made as part of our divorce settlement prior to court ( I got the kids, she got the house, the car, the money.... you get my drift) yet she still ignores their birthdays, Christmas, never calls and if they call her, acts as if she's no idea why they are doing it. I think she is so dysfunctional that had a social worker had a good look at her they'd have realised that there is something seriously wrong and hopefully whoever meets your partner's ex might do the same.

All that being said, have you managed to talk to her at all about why she feels compelled to do this? It might be worth having one last ditch effort to sort things out amicably, I know it sounds lame, but you never know, she might panic and become more reasonable.

I hope you get on alright.

[Schlomo78]

I feel for you tweetysweeti as I am currently going through something similar myself although I have not been with my partner as long as you have yours.My fiancee's ex also dumped him just over six years ago but she has always played up and even more so now that she knows he has someone he is very serious about, even though she doesnt want him. The trouble is she is used to getting away with what she wants and when she doesnt get her own way she uses the children,especially winding the oldest girl up and saying my partner doesnt want her or love her or to see her (which are total and utter lies)and putting the poor girl on the phone in tears asking why.

I'm afraid that some women just want to make as much trouble as they can probably because they are unhappy in their own lifes and therefore don't want to see anyone else happy. She is obviously not taking the children into consideration at all here and I think that the only way you will probably be able to sort this once and for all is to go through the courts which will ultimately cost you a lot of time,stress and money...unfortunately this appears to be our only way forward too as she has been getting away with it for too long and we can't see any other way,we have tried just about everything.

Does she have a partner in her life? If not perhaps it is jealousy, mind you, my partners ex had a boyf for 4 yrs and still was the same. I expect she loved having two men running around after her!! Some people just want everyone to feel sorry for them and don't care what effect this has on their children.I wish you the best of luck.x

[tweetysweeti]

Many Thanks to Schlomo78 & Noxlumos

Thank you taking the time and effort in replying to me its really heplful and also takes a weight off, when you're in this situation you feel as though you are the only people that are being dealt a harsh hand in life. Also it really nice for a man to be given full custody as NOT all mothers are good one's!!! .

In my opinon once you give birth it doesnt automatically give you the right to mess up you kids mental state of mind. Also being a Step mum to be is very hard and trying so keep your chin up schlomo78 because it will get harder and the name calling and slagging off will start just be the bigger person and dont say anything the kids are amazed when you dont react because they think you will get angry with them and dont discourage them on speaking about their mum as they will come to you with any problem.

Many Thanxs tweety