should i send her??

[flukesfine]

my ex and i have a daughter of 5. we seperated almost 5 yrs ago. i stopped access when she was 2 as he was teaching her swear words and telling her to call mummy .............. he applied for access through the courts which was granted (he didnt see her for 7 months) everything was fine until a few months ago he brought her home early she was crying and he couldnt cope with it. when i asked why the tears she said i dont want to see him anymore hes horrible, i put this down to just a bad day, but was disturbed to find her hiding in her wardrobe the next time she was due to see him, this happened for 3 consecutive weeks and i did not send her any of the these times and havent since so we are now back in court. i just want to know if anyone agrees with me that ........ a child of 5 knows their own mind and with a child that distressed surely i shouldnt have to send her to him

[tigilou]

No i completly agree but thats the courts for you have you a good solicitor?? Also keep a diary and write everything down that has happened. I really feel for you and your wee little lass i hope it works out in your favour.

[twinny_15]

I feel so sorry for you and your daughter ..trust your maternal instincts ..something has upset her..

[nfn]

i know it might seem a bit extreme but I'd contact Social Services and ask for their help/opinion. You don't have to give your name. But as far as further access is concerned on your evidence I'd say a most resounding NO!

[noxlumos]

Get the best solicitor you can afford. If he's any sort of Dad your wee lass would have been looking forward to every visit not hiding in the warderobe. Something is definately not right. Have you tried to establish exactly what went so wrong? Something clearly distressed her a great deal and it needs getting to the bottom of. If he's done nothing wrong I can undertand him being upset but it needs resolving for all your sakes, so above all else I think you need to find out what went so wrong that day so that if he is upheld by the court both you and he has a chance to make sure there is no repeat.In the mean time, do as you have been doing and wait for the court to sort it out.

[WendyS]

Until this matter is settled, would it be possible for you to insist on being present whenever your daughter sees her father as you are concerned about the effect his behaviour is having on her.? I think that if your daughter is really that terrified about being with him you should talk to Social Services to see whether supervised visits can take place in future and also engage a solicitor to represent your views in court..

[Drusilla]

This sounds very worrying and I agree with the above posts. You need to keep a diary of these events and I think it would be a good idea to contact Social Services and try and ensure he only gets supervised access to your daughter.

She is his daughter and I believe he should be able to see her, but after what I have read, I believe he is wasting an opportunity to bond with his daughter as an excuse to insult and denigrate you.

I wouldn't advise stopping her seeing him against a court's wishes however, as this could backfire on you. If you have fears, always contact the relevent authorities and seek their assistance.

[Whickerman]

I agree with all of the above. Try get an emergency order. But bear in mind that courts can be black and white on some things, and that breaking a court order as you are doing can set things against you.

Be very careful that your daughter is not just reacting to your feelings towards her dad, though. You really don't want her having to choose at 5 - it'll screw her up.

That said, if I thought for one minute abuse was involved with my daughter, heaven and hell combined wouldn't make me hand her over.

[rosieo]

i agree with nfn. if that were my daughter, i wouldn't let him near her again. kids fall out with mummy and daddy all the time and then forget about it, but for her to hide in a wardrobe and be that upset, something more than just a fall out has happened.

[joko]

ask to have supewrvised visits. if she behaves this way infront of someone in a position of authority they will see first hand how distressed she is and this will support your case to stop visitation. he sounds like bad news. 5 year olds don't just cry like babies do so he must have done somthing to make her cry so much that he coudn't stand it any longer.

perhaps take her to a counsellor or psychiatrist and see if they can get the truth out of her