How can my partner find where his child lives?

[kazzianne]

My partner left his girlfriend of 12 yrs and moved in with me.I had never met her.He went over every wkend to collect his daughter which we had for the weekend and took her back on the mon.He didnt tell his ex where we lived as she was being very unstable,threateneing all sorts.A year later he managed to get her to sign a Parental Rights agreement which gave her our address.Their house was up for sale.We asked her to start doing one of the journeys as my partner was doing a 2hr round trip both on the fri and the mon.She agreed and started to drop the girl at ours on the fri and he returned on the mon.They barely spoke as she was still so bitter,until she got a new man then seemed to mellow a tad.One fri a month ago she didnt turn up so we drove over to her - she had gutted the entire house and taken the child.After 2 wks we finally got a txt saying we could have the child at wkends again but she would never reveal her address - we would have to get hr from school on fri and meet the mother in a carpark on the sun.We have been to solicitors who say the cannot enforce the Parental Right agreement without the address to write to - a catch 22.We've even thought of following her from work.Any ideas.We are desperate.

[Frankie Babe]

Apologies if you've already thought of this but how old is his daughter? If she's old enough for school she might be old enough to know her address.

[kazzianne]

Hi Frankie,we have tried this.She is 5 and even though she knew her address before,the mother is obviously well aware that she would repeat it to us.The poor gorl doesnt even know the town! We tried playing a game where you said your address and she hasnt a clue! Even the school wont tell us! And we cant afford a private investigator to track her.

[Frankie Babe]

Just thought, is there any chance that the new occupant of her house or any of her old neighbours have a forwarding address?

If it were me I would consider following her either from work or after dropping your partner's daughter off (have to be careful though if she's such a bunny boiler). Is the town she lives in very big? Is there any scope in driving round to find her car a while after they've left the car park?

[Frankie Babe]

Does she not live in the same town as her school?

[kazzianne]

the old house is still empty - she disappeared before contracts were even exchanged.She used to live 5 miles from the school,but as she works full time she drops child at childminder who takes her 2 school,then picks her back up bout 6pm,then goes home.Alll we know from the child is that "we are living in a rented house with mummy but she is also buying a new one with Tony"!!. Its not very built up here and she is a very clever(if unhinged!!) woman so she would expect us to follw her.Am getting desperate - this is making my partner ill. As he says,what if his ex dropped dead - he wouldnt know where his daughter was.

[undercovers]

difficult one - i guess the ex is just getting her own back on the ex for not revealing his address before, she would have felt the same as he does now letting her daughter go to some location she doesn't know and all the worry that would accompany that... as you both now realise i guess...

I find the advice from your solicitor a bit strange as a legal contract / agreement has been validly made � this doesn�t become invalid simply because you don�t now know the address of one of the parties involved, there simply must be some previously used procedures in place for such circumstances, maybe a change of solicitor would be in order

Of course you can be a bit tricky and use something like this http://www.gps-child-locator.co.uk/ . just a quick google link for child location devices or gps tracking etc can provide various product options � the better ones are quite expensive e.g. the gps ones that provide exact location from a tamper proof bracelet etc. But this mobile phone location would give you a rough idea and then a bit of door knocking would prob find the right house (this has a 30 day free trial)� obviously still difficult as it involves giving a mobile to a 5 year old that mum way not want anyway � but there are other option if you can spend a bit more� not sure it�s a great idea though � but is possible!

[angel-cake]

try this http://www.uktrace.co.uk/name_address.htm

It will cost you �10 but worth it if you track her down. Not sure if she has to be on electoral roll though, check where they get their results from.

[lady_p_gold]

Oh that does sound a tricky one .... what about her doctor .. would you be, as a parent, entitled to see her medical records which might have the address on ?????

[kassiopeia]

I'm sorry if I seem a little stupid here but what is the problem. You still see the little girl so I don't see how she is doing anything wrong. It seems that she isn't doing it to stop you seeing her but maybe to make you feel the way that she did. Do you think she questioned the child to find out where you lived? It sounds a bit like the pot calling the kettle to me. I reckon that once she see's it doesn't bother you any more and gets fed up of making all the trips then she'll probably give you it.

I apologise if it seems like I'm having a go, I have been through this kind of thing before where my ex wouldn't tell me where he lived and wanted me to meet him with my children at a petrol station, you are lucky that she still let you see her without an address because I certainly wouldn't and didn't. I later found out that he was trying to get a passport for my son behind my back and it makes me cringe when I think of what may have happened if I had let him go. You know where she goes to school and have her mothers number so I wouldn't worry unless she stops you seeing her then I'm sure there are measures you can take without it costing money. Surely if she disappeared from school then the education authority would have to give you details of the new school if you have pr and as previously mentioned there is also her medical records although I think you have to give a reason to view them and they can refuse to stall you so I wouldn't tell them the real reason.

I wouldn't worry too much just now as you still have contact and she'll probably get sick of the games before long, it may help if you tell her you understand how she must have been feeling when you did the same thing as it may just be all she wants to hear.

[kazzianne]

to kassiopeia - I appreciate what you say - but the issue here is that we believe she is planning to move far away - she comes originally from Scotland - and is just temporarily renting till sale is complete.This child is not very well looked after and comes round dirty,dishevelled,only fed crisps,choc and in general not very well looked after.We have changed solicitors,and as they were never married he doesnt have as many rights as an ex husband would have.

[kazzianne]

to angel - cake.Thanks,but we have tried this - she has kept all her details at the old house and therefore must be renting everything in boyfriends name,which we dont know.

[kazzianne]

To undercovers - my partner actually works in the mob fone industry and we bought and tested the tracking device on both my mob and his,but as we live in quite a rural area it was so inaccurate that it made us out to be 11 miles away from where we really were! Not very precise!!

[Schlomo78]

Hi kazzianne, have you thought of roping a friend in to help you so when you meet her together in the car park with the child she will be watching for your car and not someone elses? If you know what way she turns when she leaves said car park you could have someone you know wait down the road and follow her from there...alternatively you could try the same thing from her work, if she is distracted enough to think you are following her she won't be looking for someone else who she doesn't know...

[pilchard]

Maybe you should contact social services if you feel the child isn't being cared for properly, they would trace her through the school.

[kazzianne]

pilchard - yes that is a thought,I could get him to ask his solicitor about this line of enquiry.Cheers.And to everyone else - keep the postings going,with all these suggestions put together we might just get somewhere.!!

[angel-cake]

I would go back to your original suggestion and just follow her.

In any case, she really can't hide forever. I hope you sort things out :-)

[kazzianne]

Thanks Angel - cake.I guess we thought she would give the address of her own free will by now as we havent asked for ages,but thats not gona happen.I mite ask a friend very nicely to help me follow her one day nxt week.I will keep you posted!! I could be the next Miss Marple - you never know!

[kazzianne]

Hi everybody - just an update,we now have the address!!Afrer following her twice and narrowing the area down to a specific town we almost gave up,then his solicitor rang to say contracts were ready to be signed on their old hse.He chanced his luck & refused to sign unless he had her address - the pound signs obviously kicked in with her - and she reluctantly gave it to him!! Bingo.!