Help with 3yr old!!

[andrea_h]

My son (3yrs - only child so far) has gone to play group 3 mornings a week for almost a year now, and stays with my mum while I work on 1 day a week.

For about the first 3 months play group was fine, after that he has cried (SOBS!) when I leave, every time - I've tried staying with him for a while and I've tried leaving straight away but neither has a better result - he enjoys playgroup, plays with the other children, joins in activities, and seems to be progressing very well - he stops crying within about 2 mins (as soon as I'm not there really) - afterwards he will happilly tell me and my husband about his day, what he's been doing, had for snack etc but still he cries every day - he is very articulate for his age and has told me that he likes playgroup, but he just doesn't like it when I go. He has also told me that he knows that mammy will always come back for him......I always make sure I pick him up on time, never late!! It's got to the stage now that he starts to cry before we even get ready for playgroup, not just when I'm about to leave!

Over that last 2-3 weeks he's now started to cry when I leave him at my mum's, even though he has quite happily stayed there at least once a week since he was about 3 months old!!

What can I do to get him out of this? I've talked to the people at playgroup and they are happy with his progress in all areas. I also ensure that we do lots of 'social' activities (music group, soft play with friends, etc) but as I'm with him at these times he is absolutely fine and haven't made any difference to this problem!

I'm getting worried as he is due to start 'big nursery' in September, and my sister is due to have a new baby in November and my mum will look after her baby too!.....he also seems to have a bit of a jealous streak, especially if I give my friends children a hug, they are sitting on my knee etc or other children are at our house!!

[andy-hughes]

This is perfectly normal development for a child of his age, and nothing at all to worry about.

As any nursery nurse will tell you, loads of kids cry when you leave them, and while you feel like a dreadful ogre all day, and can't eat your dinner because you are stressing, your child has gaily forgotten about you two minutes after you left, and is happy as Larry!

Reassure him how important he is, and how proud of him you are that he is such a big boy at nursery. When the new baby arrives, try and get your mum to enlist his 'help' with simple tasks, emphasising that he is the big boy of the family and the baby can't manage without his assistance.

The jelousy of other children at your house is again perfectly natural, and should be dealt with by giving him extra attention when the others have gone, and reassuring him that he is your own special little boy.

These developmental stages are normal for all children - and for all parents, who stress over them!

[tigerthecat]

andy is right. My little fella is just the same. He has cried almost every time I have left him for the last 3 years (he's 4 now). I know he's fine and thats what i hold onto plus if I didn't go I would struggle to be able to be as good a mum as I am now. I also know he won't be doing it for ever too. It's best to give reassurances but get out quick - don't prolong the agony for you both.

I work with children who do have attachment difficulties and with these children we often recommend them having something of mums (generally its mum) to remind the child of her or to return to her when picked up. Sounds odd but it frequently works particularly for pupils with asd who feel like their mum might relly not be coming back (despite being able kids and her having always come back for them before.

[leandrews]

I used to work in a creche, and many many children have this problem. They come in crying with little red faces, trying to drag their parent straight back out again!

The best thing for a parent to do in this situation is not to show the child any negative emotion. It always works better when the parent encourages the child to go in and have a good time, and says they'll be back later.

Some parents used to empathise with their child and get upset too, but it really is best to avoid this. I know it sounds hard, but in 99% of cases the child is absolutely fine within the space of two minutes. And most of the younger ones forget where they are and just get on with playing with the other children or doing some arts/crafts.

The thing that is most important is making sure your child is kept active at playgroup/nursery. Diversion tactics can work a wonder! When you leave your child, maybe ask him to draw you a picture for you or make something he can show you for when you return.

Once they get a little older, the problem passes.