letting go

[little coojy]

my daughter is 16 and leaving school this time, she has a good job to go to, but what is worrying me is, when shes left school and working, would it be wrong of me to still tell her what time to be home etc, shes a good daughter but i'll be worried sick if i don't no what time she'l be home, am i turning into an over protective mother who can't let go?

[electricblue]

I'm in the same situation my eldest is about to turn 16 and i don't know where to draw the line with coming in times,its hard cos its a parents job to care isn't it whatever the age

[nathan2]

yes you still should enforce( mildly) guidlines ,remember it is your house not a drop in centre. Believe me they will respect you more for it.

[little coojy]

but what time is an acceptable coming in time, some of her friends are allowed out now till all times, i suppose i'm lucky that she doesnt complain at the moment that she has to be in by 8.45. do you think this is to early?

[noxlumos]

Well personally as the father of a few teens I tend to trust their own judgement about what time they come in. If you give them the freedom they tend to be very respectful of that and I've never had any problems.they always give me a vague indication of what time they will be in and if it's any different they call so we don't worry, but I'd say 8.45 is way too early at 16 from a purely personal point of view, but whatever works for you.

[UKbloke04]

Well my eldest is just going to turn 16 too.We tend to be fairly easy going with him...not trying to put too restrictive a time on him and he does in the main be very respectful with what time he comes in.I personally find if you give them a bit of trust then they are rspectful back...Plus personally i would think 8.45 is a bit too much of a resrictive time

[little coojy]

time to loosen them apron strings then

[WiccanKitten]

Hey again Little Coojy.
I honestly think that the best thing to do is stand by what you know is best for your daughter.

One option that is less 'on the leash' and will allow her more responsibility would be to ask her what time she feels would be appropriate to be back at.
Its what my Dad did for me, and it gave me the chance to express my feelings, and also to talk options over with him, without feeling controlled.
We agreed that unless it was a specific occasion - such as a party, that i would be home by 8:30 and in bed by 11:00. Because i had helped to set my own rules, it made them easier to stick to as well.
I know how hard it was for my Dad to let go, and never having had children myself, i can't imagine what it must be like to watch them grow up and gain maturity. I guess it would be like my kitten leaving home, but intensified by like a million - which sounds unbearable!!!!!!!

(hope it helps to have the perspective from someone who was in your daughters position 2 years ago, as well as opinions of fellow parents.)
stay strong, your daughter won't stop loving you. xx

[little coojy]

thanks wiccankitten good idea.

[pompomfairy]

being 16 isnt all its cracked up 2 be my mum worries about em the same as you do, if you give us times to be in and things we always ask 4 longer just say no longer than like 11 or sumthing and we usually come back. the problem is if u scream at us that we have 2 b in at a certain we of course we arent going 2 listen , we always think why dont they trust me and im not a kid anymore because coming from are point parents do treat us like children still, just if i was your daughter fine give her times during the week like no later than 11 its reasonal and usually we will get board and come home early just let her have extra on the weekends or something ive probably gone on long enough and gome totally off topic but o well :D

[Liza B]

When my daughter turned 16 we asked her to be in at 11.00 on weekdays and 12.00 at weekends, (we live in a small town, not sure if it would be the same if we lived in a city though), if she was going to be out later she would text and let us know, most of the time she was at mates houses and not round the town. She tended to be home earlier so it was fine. My twin boys are 16 soon, the same rules will apply to them unless they get into any trouble then we will have to re-think, ( have found boys to be into trouble more). Couldn't do the come home at any time one, I would get no sleep what so ever.

[malaise]

I was allowed out til about 10 or 11pm when I was 16. As long as I let my parents know where I was, they were fine with that. They liked to come and collect me in the car too, to make sure I got home safe. We went through years of fighting about it, but once they chilled out and gave me some independence, we got on like a house on fire (and still have a great relationship: my parents are like my best friends!)

[miso]

I'm a daughter. Basically my parents like to know the approximate time, and they want me to call if it's any different. They don't want me coming home at the wee hours of the morning, of course, for sanity reasons (no one would get any sleep). They like to greet me when i return, and then sleep easy.

Personally, i don't like staying out too late. I'm not sure about the UK, but it's not a good idea in American cities to stay out late when most people are inside. I don't fancy getting mugged.

[sponge12]

8:45 is a bit early, i would say. talk to your daughter and ask what time she thinks is acceptable. that way, you are giving her a say in the matter, and making her opinion valued. she will be much more likely to stick to it it she is involved. this is your chance as a parent to take a back seat. as long as she has a mobile on her incase of emergencies, there is no need to worry. (just make sure your mobile is on too!)

[WiccanKitten]

Hows it goin coojy? everything sparkling today? xx

[little coojy]

hey wiccankitten everything sparkly, you?. well i had a chat with me daughter and its been decided (by her i might add lol) that on school nights she will come in at nine which i thought was great was expecting the 11 oclock demand, weekends well no time was set but tonight she phoned at 8 to let me no she'd be home at 9.30 as she was with a group of friends that would be passing my way at that time and she was walking back with them. i was chuffed she phoned, and its great shes being sensible, owww my little girls nearly all grown up.....

[WiccanKitten]

Awwwwh bless the both of you!!!
I'm really pleased that worked out. :)
**hugs**
xxxx