lying and telling children off.

[Goodsoulette]

My little boy is nearly 5 and has taken to lying a lot. I cant get him to stop. Its generally about whther he has done something naughty but I cannot get him to admit it was him for the life of me. I am very laid back his dad and I are at loggerheads over it. When he asks him something, he sounds cross straight away and I say that he is bound to lie cause you already sound angry but he reckons you have to raise your voice else kids dont realise they have been wrong. Now I dont agree I dont like being shouted at, so unless his life was threatened I would never shout at him. What also annoys me is that he does something wrong, he gets shouted at, he might get sent to bed and then not be allowed to play in the garden so I feel thats three forms of punishment for one wrong thing. Then we argue and it negates any punishment hes had cause he can hear me sticikng up for him, am I wrong? So how do I handle this??

[simsfreq]

Well you two parents need to get your discipline sorted for the first part, this is probably what's confusing the child. If mum and dad are different and one is known as a "soft touch" he'll just play you off against each other. You really need to work as a team and compromise a bit on your separate methods.

Good luck.

[PinkFizz]

sismfreq is right - unless you two agree basic discipline rules this will never work and he will play one off of the other.I had a massive problem with my b/f when we first moved in as he would tell my son off for things but let his daughter get away with the same thing!! I had to sit him down and talk rationally,being very careful to not have a go at him,and come up with some ground rules that we would both stick to.And I would tell my son that I was very proud if he told me the truth,even if he had done something wrong,as big boys always owned up.

[Hellion]

My son's teacher told me that lying is part of a childs developmental stage and that all 5 year olds tend to tell lies. either fibs or just stories. The fact that he lies about things indicates he knows right from wrong and that he knows wrong gets punished which is a good thing!

I always said to my son that he must tell me the truth about everything and that it's better to tell the truth. When he told me the truth I made a point of saying I was cross with him but I was proud that he had told me the truth and because of that the punishment would only be minor.
Sismfreq and PinkFizz are quite right about communication it's vital that you sing from the same hymn sheet, the problem is that men do tend to shout first, some of it is because thay were parented by men of a different generation when psychology was not part of the parenting skills that they are today.