Son 10, on holiday with Dad and being a nightmare!

[madham]

Hi

Firstly I would call my Son a lovable rogue, bit cheeky though but really kind etc. (but he started puberty before he was 10)

He, my Son has gone on holiday with his Dad to Spain (and his new girlfriend of 5 months and her 2 children boy 8, girl 5) for the first time, he normally sees him every other Saturday/Sunday. His Dad has this minute phoned to say he is telling him he is going to run away because his Dad doesn't love him and that I don't either. He has twice punched the girlsfrineds SOn in the face. He said he has given himself chicken scratches and said to him there's no point in living. I'm beside mysefl with worry.. do you think this is just attention seeking with there being new children involved or should I be as worried as I? They don't come home until Sunday. Any advice would be great I have on the off chance phoned the school nurse who is coming to see me next week.

[sense4all]

You will of course be worried, take a step back and look at this as if you did not know, and love, or not, as the case maybe any of the personalites involved in this situation. Five people , new country , new relationships parameters, everyone like a fish out of water, and competition for his Dads attentions. The girlfriend has an ally your ex ,the girlfriends son has an ally - stable relationship with his sister,whilst your son is on shifting sands in every sense of the word.
Try not to get sucked in as it will serve no purpose except possibly uniting everyone against you. I think your son is going to have to brazen it out or it will be a complete nightmare for all involved in the future. Speak to your son. Tell your ex partner you just want to reasure your Son that everything at home is the same and that you are really looking forward to him coming home and ask his Dad to maybe buy a cheap disposable camera for him ( this is a diversionary tactic ) so that can take a picture of the beach etc. the other kids so that he can show you all the lovely places he has been. Alert your partner first and ask him to put a paer and pencil by the phone so he can make a note of what you would like to see. Tell him you are a bit jealous that he is away ans so you would like to share in the memories by looking at the photos, making you HIS ally.
Hope it works, stay calm. Much love Sense.

[Hellion]

I agree with everything Sense has said. Poor little chap , they say two's company three's a crowd and it sounds as though he's always the third person in this holiday situation, the other two kids and his dad and new girfriend. He's probably feeling rather lonely right at this might, is it possibe for his Dad to take him on an outing just on his own so they can have some quality time? Just keep reassuring him and telling him he's the best thing in your world, he may be feeling cross with you because you 'allowed' him to be on this holiday so therefore believes t's your fault he's feeling miserable

[madham]

Thank you Sense4all for that, but have to admit the more I think about it the more it is upsetting me. I did find it difficult him going anyway... But I shall take on board what you have said and see how my Son soulnds next time he calls. Also, me and Dad speak because we have to rather than being best friends, so because he has rung me to discuss his concerns I know he thinks it is serious.

[madham]

Hi Hellion, I did suggest to his Dad, he is probably feeling left out and maybe going on the beach on their own and his Dad's repsonse was why should he get his own way.

[sense4all]

I bet his Dad can normally think that everything is rosy at home, because he has him for such a wee amount of tim.,So this is making him feel a bit of an inadequate adult and let's be honest if I was the new Girlfriend I would watch with interest how he handles this. So he is probabably feeling under presure himself too! At least they have had the decency to tell you about it, try not to fret.In a while your Son will probably get over it, but try not to lose the plot when he tries to punish you for letting him go,- tell him what your thought process was.
You can't take any nonsense -though- you have to be firm but fair- and not feel bad, so overcompensate for him having a bad time. Tell him you know it was hard and you are proud that he saw it through to the end.

[sense4all]

Just to say, still thinking of you. Only twenty four hours-ish to go. Hip hip hurrah!

[applebee]

I'm not any help here, but I just wanted to say I hope everything goes well. What a hard and scary situation for a mom. I hope everything goes well, soon your little boy will be home with you. :)

[madham]

Just an update for you, he is home, and is full of the joys of spring, all I have heard is Me and max this and Me and Max that, so it can't be as bad as Dad made out, but it was the first time he has had him stay for more than 2 nights, thank you all for your words of wisdom. :0)

I feel loads better knowiung he actually enjoyed himself.

[sense4all]

I am so glad Madham. Human nature is a wonerful thing innit?