teenager staying out late

[lorraine29]

my 14 year old son has had a real heart to heart with me today about wanting to stay out later than he is. i usually let him out til about 8.30p.m. later if he stays around the garden at 14 he is a pretty responsible teenager holding down 3 babysitting jobs. including regularly helping me by looking after his younger brother and sister. i am made warier by the fact that the area we live in is a very rough area so don't like him out too late, am i being unreasonable.

thanks

lorraine x

[naz_nomad]

mope ... your house, your rules.

[naz_nomad]

**nope** .... can't spell today

[saxy_jag]

8.30 sounds sensible for a school night. Maybe you could extend it to 9.30 at the weekend /hols, and make him promise to always let you know where he is and if he's going to be even a minute late. Of course, it has to be reciprocal, so you should be letting him know if you're going to be late home.

He sounds like a reasonable enough lad, so maybe you could negotiate on this.

Don't make empty threats, though - the moment he steps over the line, then you ground him for however long you see fit, but make sure the 'rules' are clear to him from the outset.

[noxlumos]

your son has done the right and responsible thing and come to you trying to sort out something that is bothering him, and to be honest 8.30 sounds awfully early for a 14 year old.Ask him what he would consider reasonable and work from there. Doesn't sound to me as though you have anything to worry about. He sounds a lovely lad, so give him some self responsibility.

[suffragette]

What a joy to read a post about a teenager acting responsibly and asking his mum about altering the rules they live by. That's put a smile on my face and given me a hopeful glow for the future with my own girls.

Like nox, I feel 8.30 is quite early for a 14 year old, but understand your concerns and would suggest a compromise. Maybe you could allow him out later on Friday and Saturday night, but expect him home at the same time on school days.

Best wishes and thank you again for posting a positive question relating to the much maligned teenager.

[curiosity]

I agree he sounds like a lovely lad, I have a 14 yearold son also, over these hols he is in by 10pm, unless he is staying over somewhere, but I always know who he's with and generally where and what his plans are, and he has a phone. Usually weekends would be 9.30 -10 and schooldays 8.30 -9pm.

[wildsheep]

Just a thought, perhaps sundown would be a good guideline. 'I want you home when it gets dark' would give him some flexibility and responsibility to judge for himself as well as giving you the peace of mind that he won't be in a rough area at night.

8.30 sounds quite early to me, this way he could stay out a bit later in Summer and would need to be in earlier in Winter.

[ross410]

Well, i'm 15, and I think 8.30 is very very early. My parents have rules but are fair, and at the weekends let me out untill midnight or so if i'm at a party or someones house, and untill about ten if i'm just out with my friends. Pretty much everyone I know at my age is in the same situation, so I don't think my parents are irresponsible, and I'd say you should definetly give you're son some more freedom.

But then again, I would say that as a teenager.

Ross

[WendyS]

Your son sounds a very responsible lad and if he's coping with school and 3 babysitting jobs, as well as helping you, I think he deserves a little bit of freedom and the right to be trusted. I also understand your concern for his safety if you live in a rough area.
I think part of the answer is "where does he want to be when he's out later? In safe environments like friends' houses, or a supervised youth club, or just "chilling out" hanging around street corners where he could be vulnerable?.
Does he have a mobile phone for emergencies which might make your mind a little easier and also so that he can phone to say he's on his way home? Also, perhaps buying him one of these little hand-held personal safety alarms would be a useful thing for him to have.