How to be proud of your child

[HJT40]

Ok, this may seem like a strange question and I feel like a bad parent even asking it, but how do you stay proud of your child when they reach the hormonal age of 12 and she is adamant she knows better and everything you say is wrong, she never does as she is asked and can always find an excuse not to do what she is meant to be doing..........yet always make you feel as if you are in the wrong? I am a single parent and have been quite happily so for 12 years. I would ask my mum as I am sure she went through the same with me, but she passed away 8 years ago. I so would love to go back to the days when she just made me smile looking at her. I know my attitude to her in this frame of mind is not good and in turn causing a vicious circle. Even when I am happy and everything is good, she can still find something to say to change it. Help!?

[kate1976]

Ahhh the joys of motherhood strike again!! I have a hormonal puberty ridden 11 year old who at the moment believes he's the king of the world!!

All I can suggest is what I do, walk out of the room, count to 10 and breathe deeply! Praise any good moment and ignore the bad! It is a hard time and I'm dreading the next few years but if we hold on tight and ride the rollercoaster then I'm sure we'll get through it!! I'm sure all kids put parents through hell, I know I did, maybe this is punishment?!!

Try and stay positive and keep smiling at her (it will confuse her) If you find it hard to smile say the sentence I always say to myself which is: Papa Smurf having sex!!! A silly, simple sentence but for some reason makes me smile, if that sentence doesn't work then go for something else!

Good luck and remember you're not alone in feeling the way you do, a lot of parents are in exactly the same boat!

[suzi-q]

I don't know, I think you just have to start to think of your child as a person in her own right rather than just your little girl. She is going to start to have opinions of her own and they are quite likely to be different from your own - remember how you were when you rowed with your own parents.

My 16 yr old boy has just begun the process too and has started to go out, smoke, see girls etc etc. In just a few months hes gone from being my loving' little' boy to this grumpy, know all, opinionated, lazy teenager. I feel you have to let them go in order for them to come full circle eventually.

Try to make sure she is not the sole focus of your life and that you have plenty of other things to enjoy. Within reason give her space and try not to obsess on it all too much.

I think its all part of the process of her growing up. I don't think you can ever go back - sad but there it is, they all grow up.

Dont know if this will be any help - just my thoughts.

[B00]

Ahhhh the 'Kevin' years......ace ain't they?

If it's any consolation mines 18 and STILL going through this phase...........no wait, that might not be any consolation at all eh?


sorry!

[tuibird]

I am so relieved to know that I am not alone. My daughter is 13 and every sentence begins with 'I know but........' After the 8th time in one day I feel like I will explode.
Life is a circle of I can't/ it doesn't work for me/ I know it but I can't remember it/ my teacher is stupid.
The big problem I have is that my husband is convinced that this is a clash between me and my daughter and truly believes it is unusual/ my fault.
I have been trying to find some sort of group of parents to share experiences and get advice, so far without success. I believe that sharing is the best and only way to survive these years. Good luck.

[B00]

tuibird- I'd be more concerned that my (your) husband is somehow blaming you? That needs to be nipped in the bud as your little 'darling' will soon become VERY capable of playing you both to her advantage!

[HJT40]

I think that is a male perspective, not being able to see the mother/daughter relationship. My dad, her grandad, sees he being rude and me telling her off and tells us both off. Which infuriates the hell out of me, but she thinks is funny. It depends how much input a man has, I think. My dad always sat back and let mum get on with it and he now thinks he is an expert and all you have to say is now girls get along. Perhaps they should try spending the time with the hormonal beings before passing the blame. And sure enough it is not your fault!

[1963]

well i have a 19 year old boy and 17 year old girl and 15 year old girl and a 7 year old girl, it will pass, my 17 year old is now my best friend my 15 year old is like your daughter, i just do not give up and i always sit her down and tell her she can speak to me about anything even sex if she wants, i do not always get through but i never give up trying, my son is now the man of the house as my husband just woke up one day and walked out, my 7 year old is too old for her age and is more like my 15 year old, but i just keep telling her i love her and mum is always going to be here for her, im am so proud of them all, just show the love to them, even if you are finding it hard, trust me you will have a best friend in a few years

[tuibird]

I have just had another evening of it.
My daughter has been choosing her own new clothes for months now (before she didn't care) and suddenly she has decided she is not trendy enough (according to the girls at school) and it is all our fault. I can't figure it out myself!
I think the underlying message is 'I want a new wardrobe', which i am not going to do.
She goes to a private girls school and everyone else seems to have too much money and nothing else to think about. Trying to keep up with the Joneses 13 yr old style I suppose.
What was meant to be a nice family evening before my husband goes away ended up being all about Cassie.

[HJT40]

I am just about to donate a bag of practically unworn clothes to a friend who has a younger daughter. Some of them she chose in the shop, but still never wore. Pier pressure is a big thing at that age, however that is where I am lucky mine has decided grunge is the way to go and not designer labels. She doesn't care what the others think or wear, she is happy being grungy! You could use clothes as a reward for good days. I saw on one programme, which seemed to work, allocate so much per day, say 50p and reduce accordingly when they have beebn bad, then if she behaves she can save up for the clothes she wants. She may then realise how good she is going to have to be? Just a suggestion. Also try and book some time alone with your husband for when he gets back for a Cassie free evening.

[sunny30]

Oh my god.... i thought my child was the only other"Kevin" my partner calls my daughter that...everything is a effort and it s"" i know mum" i am doing it in a minute mum, or "tut., sigh the look" you would think they would get fed up us going on at them, she knows what i am going to say next so why not just come home from school and do it!!! To be honest though its the only age i cant remember being, this is likely for a reason, oh the joys......
good luck