Argumentative Teenager

[stevec46]

Ok, all teenagers are argumenative, but waht do you do when they say 'No'? My son is 16 and I know that they like to push the boundaries, but what do you do when you want them to do something and they say 'No'? We have tried 'Well the house rules are..' and 'you do wahat you are told', but he just reuses.

When I was that age, if I dared say No, I would get a smack around the head, can't do that these days.

Help appreasiated.

Steve

[vicalncraig]

what i would do is when he say's no just imitate him and his behaviour, this should soon stop him, if he continues get all of his baby pictures and threaten to post them all around his school and to his friends, if still no joy, sit back and wait for 2 years he will soon grow up. best of luck

[cy marven]

Perhaps you both need reminding who cooks, washes, hands out cash etc. I imagine it is not your child and i suspect he is still very much reliant on your help and support, try withdrawing cash then services. You have to feed him but if the rest does not work his food could get quite boring. It is a battle of where you hold all the cards, play a few.
cy marven

[noxlumos]

Essentialy that's why we have no rules except the law of cause and effect and use your common sense in our house. Cause and effect follows like this:-
Dad "Could you do me a favour and mow the lawns, I'm really busy today?Thanks."
Kid "Er, NO!"

Nothing further is done or said at that time WHATSOEVER.
Later that night/ week whatever

Kid "Can I borrow �50 and get a lift into town please?"
Dad "NO. Cause and effect, refusal to mow the lawns".

You only ever have to do it a couple of times. All our kids are treated like this from birth and we, touch wood, never have any trouble from any of them.

[XxAnniexX]

I agree with Noxlumos,

If my teenager turned round and said no to me, next time he/she wants something tell them no... Im sure this will cause a reaction but at the same time they must learn

Did me no harm when my parents told me no when I was growing up :o)

Good luck anyways

[stevec46]

Thanks for the replies.
Last night wehen we were arguing we siad 'If you don't do what we say then you wil loose XYZ' ,thta didn't work as he is too imiture.

I think the idea of saying the rules are etc is a good standing point, But I do like the idea when he says, can I have \ Can I do that I can say 'No' and tell him why, thing is being an imiture argumentative teenager, will slam doors bang around etc, but worth a try.

Thanks again,

Steve

[lynneylou]

My daughter of 13 does this, sit down and explain that there are however many people in the house and we all need to do our share etc a very goo d book to read is How to really love your teenager and Teenagers why do they do that?

Its hard I know, you cant phsyically make them do something, but thte less they help around the house etc, the less you will say yes to helping them out with lifts for eg

[lynneylou]

My daughter of 13 does this, sit down and explain that there are however many people in the house and we all need to do our share etc a very goo d book to read is How to really love your teenager and Teenagers why do they do that?

Its hard I know, you cant phsyically make them do something, but thte less they help around the house etc, the less you will say yes to helping them out with lifts for eg also we used to remove our other childrens bedroom doors if they slammed it.

[suzi-q]

My 16 yr old son is a nightmare at the moment. Overnight it seems he decided to smoke, drink and become arrogant and bolshy. The other night he said to me "just because you gave birth to me what gives you the God given right to tell me what to do..." and while we were telling him off for among other things, smoking in his room, skiving from college - he just sat with his mouth slightly agape or biting his nails. I wanted to slap him.

Trouble is we have even less leverage because as soon as me and my husband (his stepdad) tell him off he clears off round his dads who more or less seems to let him do what he likes.

What a shame they have to change from lovely lads to these sulky, moody lumps even if it is temporary!!!

[MORELLO]

- and if all that fails, give him a crack round the 'ead!

[archiestaffy]

Has he got a job? If not im assuming it is you who provides him with money to spend if this is the case then try witholding his allowance until he has done what it is you want him to do i.e if he makes his bed every morning then he gets �1 etc. This is what my mum did to me. Hope this helps

[stevec46]

Thanks for all the Replies.
He goes to college, but last night we were arguing for ages, my wife ended up calling Social Services because we just can't get anywhere with him, not quite sure what they will do, but worth a try.

Steve

[lynneylou]

At 16 the ss will not get involved except maybe for mediation.

[stevec46]

Last night my wife spoke to Social Services in tears and it at least sounded hopefull, said that they would get someone to call back within 48 Hrs.

Talked to my wife a while ago, someone did call back, talked for 20 mins and basically, they don't want to know - what a great help they are.So not quite sure where to go from here.

suzi-q, sounds like yours is slightley worse than mine..

Steve

[suzi-q]

Yeah, but guess what happened this morning... He set off for college on his moped saying he was going to get some free petrol from his friend. Strange I thought ... but said nothing.

Off he went and 40 mins later I get a phone call "Mum, I ve broken down coz I ran out petrol".

So you've guessed it - off goes muggins to fill a petrol can and take it over to him to start his bike up.

All before work this morning!!!

[stevec46]

I would have thought that he wasn't going to go to college, just lying-they seem to do that a lot, or is it just mine?

Regarding goping to help him out-its a bit of a no win situation, if you don't do it he will just be worse towards you, if you do help him out, he will be fine for 5 mins and then be a real SH*T when he feels like it.

Mine said last night that he is stop going to college,apparently everything is CR*P, we asked him what was CR*P about it and he just said everything-thunking about it now I find it funny,they are trying to act mature, but actually are actining like 5 year olds..

Steve

[stevec46]

Yep, its like I can P**S you off as much as I like, but you atre still to do what ever I want, whenever I want it and not make me feel guilty.

Lovely..

Steve

[lynneylou]

pleeease read a book by ross campbell called how to love your teenager, such a relationship-saver and eye opener!!!!