Private life again!

[HJT40]

You may remember that I asked in a previous question whether I was ever entitled to a private life being a single mum, well I guess this is not so much of a question as a rant I apologise profusly for it! I male friend visited me at a reasonable hour last night and for the whole 40 minutes she was rude. Interupting, pointing out my faults, telling fibs, asking why he had come to see me! When I told her to go up stairs she said she didnt want to she was ok where she was. Finally she went and came back down one step at a time on her bottom - and started again. Now I do like this visitor, but it is very early days, but I would not have blamed him if he ran for the hills. He asked if he should leave, I said yes, but he then asked if he had done something to upset me, bless. I was so angry when he went, I don't get much time to spend with him because of his shifts and I was so looking forward to seeing him. I yelled at her and sent her to bed, before crying my eyes out. However on a smaller scale she did this the other weekend with a female friend and her partner. Rant over! oh and by the way he has been in contact today..................

[mandimoo]

im glad for you that he was in contact today. nothing more to say really, have a nice weekend.

[andy-hughes]

Sorry, i can't recall your previous post, but i assume your child is small(ish)?

If so, she is acting this way from insecurity. If you have recently split up from her dad, she will be feeling seriously insecure, and any visitors are seen as a threat to her stable home with you, and she is kicking off to try and prevent anyone taking you away. Easy enough - embarass you, make you look foolish, hope this man will not come back.

If it is early stages, why not see him outside the home for a while, and if it looks like it may last, introduce him very gently, on neutral ground, and take it very easy, telling your daughter that she has nothing to worry about, and she is first in your life, and you ar not going off without her.

As an adult, and a mum you take these things as read, but an insecure child doesn't, and needs reassurance, not to be excluded by you in temper.

Have a 'girly' day out, and have a neutral chat about friends, nothing heavy, and then do your dating in private for now, so your daughter gets the undivided attention she needs right now.

Of course you are entitled to a private life - so make it privae - easier all round for everyone.

Good luck.

[HJT40]

I don't know if you would call 12 smallish?

[chitchat]

12 is a difficult time for a child anyway. I think she is scared of "losing" you. Especially if it has been just the two of you for some time. Have you tried to explain to her that you are her mum and always will be but that you are also a grown woman with needs that she cannot fulfil. Tell her how normal it is for adults to be in a relationship and that it will not effect your love for her. She needs lots of love and reassurance that she is not going to lose you and that one day she will leave home and that she really doesnt want you to be all on your own forever. I am glad your friend has been in touch and hope it goes well for you both and your daughter. Good luck

[andy-hughes]

I would call twelve a seriously sensitive age for your daughter - for all the reasons i have pointed out.

You don't need to give her a twenty-one gun serious lecture, just confirm that you love her, and go easy on the notion of someone else coming into your life. If they do, take it a step at a time with her.