Having read your post, i shuddered with the memory of bedtime tantrums! I am no expert on this matter although can give you my own experience, it sounds similar to the behaviour of my son around that age, what I found worked best in the end, was to put my son to bed in a definate routine, same time, same person, same pre bed drink, wash etc.. once lights were out, i used to hide outside his room with the door ajar and landing light on, i had a mirror that i used to move around when he tryed to get up or speak (or shout!) it would shine and would make a reflection above his bed, I told him it was tinkerbell the bedtime fairy, when he was quiet and still she would go(hold mirror down!) I repeated this until he fell asleep. it didnt work first time but after a few goes it did, I only had to this for a couple of weeks and then we got past the tantrums altogether. (then it was on to the next challenge). I always thik to myself that if I had another child, from bein a baby I would get them used to a bedtime routine, in a dark, quiet room with a closed door, hindsight is a wonderful thing, and Ive not had the energy for any more children yet!! good luck.