Messy mob.

[gazzawazza]

Apart from moving out, has anyone ever solved the problem of living with a messy family?

I have three daughters, 17, 15 and 13 and after years and years of shouting, pleading, leading by example etc. they still leave everything they touch just lying around.

The problem is compounded because my wife is nearly as bad as them.

I spend my entire life shouting at them/asking them to shift their stuff, trying to make them take responsibility for their actions but nothing seems to work.

I know some people will say the house just looks 'lived in' but really it isn't, the place is always like a bomb site and it's embarassing when somebody calls and I haven't had a chance to make them tidy up their mess.

The first thing I have to do whenever I get in is shift all their mess (which believe me, is worse than it ever was when they were toddlers with tons of toys!)

I would value practical advice from others who've solved this problem, as I know I'm somewhere very near the end of my tether, it's just impossible to see it in all this mess.

[gazzawazza]

Sorry for the long question, if you can't post an answer, click on the frame and "drag" down till you can see the answer box.

[gilf]

You sound just like my dad when I lived at home. I'm being serious, there was nothing like him having a go at me to make me thing right well sod him I wont bother, and I was never that messy. My wife is messy in the same way jusy leaves stuff in piles all over the place. I have given up to be honest, I think some people are just messy. one good trick is to pick stuff they have left around which you know is important to them and put it in a big box which you hide and lock, when you see them hunting round for it you say, "oh was that important, it was on the floor so I just chucked it in the bin. ". Another tactic I employ is to say right lets have a benny hill moment where every one in the house just targets one room and we run round doing everything really quickly. If you do one a day for 10 minutes. Also one of the main things to do is say lets all tidy up and not just get them to do it. People seem to respond more if your actively helping them as they then feel guilty. One final thing is to collect all their stuff and put it in a big pile in the middle of their room.

[woofgang]

Go immediately to http://www.flylady.net I realise that this is a dweebish thing to say, but this website changed my life.

[woofgang]

...perhaps Ii should add for the better... :-)

[Phantaxus]

To add to Gilfs answer instead of putting it all in the middle of my room my mum once piled it on my bed so I had to tidy it up if I wanted to sleep

[gilf]

Yep thats the one I was thinking of.

[molly]

I often do what Phantaxus does and pile everything on the bed, but they only push everything onto the floor before getting into bed. Gilf is right though, the more you push them the more they dig their heels in. Try and keep things light hearted. The Benny Hill approach sounds like fun.

[darth vader]

After much shouting at my teenage son to no avail. i started leaving anything of his that wasn't tidied up, in the back garden. He soon stopped leavin a mess around the house!

[Hellion]

An englishmans sanctuary is his shed! You could entertain in there in a minimalist haven! Sorry that was facetious, I do sympathise I seem to spend hours tidying my house and when I turn round it's full of clutter and mess. I don't understand how other peoples house alway sem so clean and tidy and with apparently no effort. I've come to the conclusion I am just not good at housework. Useful tip I did try and it does help have a large laundry type bag, one for each person, you can gather up belongings and deposit in their respective rooms (tip on bed if you wish) and keep on repeating as often as necessary.Alternatively call in Dawna from BBC 2's Life Laundry. Good Luck

[woofgang]

Hellion, the answer really is at Flylady.net. I will admit that you have to struggle through the Americanisms but my place has gone from unsanitary to let anyone in anytime AND let them use the bathroom in a little under a year. It stays reasonable without too much effort and I didnt have to have a row with my packrat partner to achieve this

[Hellion]

Woofgang, I looked at FlyLady and it looks great! I was pleased to see that I was getting it half right and I'm certainly going to have a go at the zones. I'll keep you posted!

[woofgang]

he one thing I found her most right about is taking it in small steps. Best of luck and do let us know how you get on

[gazzawazza]

Thanks everyone for their answers. I have tried piling everything up in their rooms, hiding stuff and telling them it's in the bin etc.

I've only had a very quick look at the link from woofgang and it does look useful but does this mean I will be doing everything to tidy up? This is part of my point, I want them to be responsible for their actions and their mess and tidy up for themselves, is this too much to expect? I know I sound like somebody's dad gilf, that's coz I am! But I will not go along with the theory that some people are just messy, to me these people are just lazy making a mess then expecting somebody else to tidy it up for them. This is reasonable when they're young but surely, as soon as someone is old enough to tidy up after themselves then they should learn to. Perhaps the question didn't reflect this. I dread to think what the world would be like if no-one tidied up!

[woofgang]

Part of it is setting rules for the kids on what they can do with their stuff and even how much they can own. I have to say I haven't tried out the flying with kids bit because I have none, but the bits I have tried have worked amazingly. One thing she says is that its up to someone to start things off and set an example and other family members will follow. I thought oh yeah, but started doing her routines and decluttering anyway and surprise!!..my partner, who is a lovely man but has NO concept of tidiness or order and keeps everything just in case he might need it, started to put his clothes in the laundry bin and his stuff in the dishwasher. It didn't happen over night, but it did happen...BTW sensitive point but does your wife know how you feel?

[gilf]

OK then step 2 is to actually put the stuff in the bin.

[gazzawazza]

Woofgang, yes, everyone in the family knows!!! And Gilf, I've tried step 2 as well! Perhaps if I just continued with step 2 then after a while there'd be nothing left to leave lying around! Hmm... there's a thought!

[emmagreeny]

The Answer is to buy storage boxes and lots of them! I am not suggesting you even try to get your girls to keep things nicely stored away, just the opposite infact. Get them to pick up all the mess from the floor every other day or so and shove it in a box(clothes in one or two or however many it takes,,junk in another). This way it won't drive you mad and maybe they won't feel that your constantly on there case. Then every so often sort the boxes out between you. Remember there not messy, there just artistic.