secondary school worries

[Barney's pal]

My daughter is twelve, and quite sensitive. She is at an ordianary comprehensive with about 800 kids. She says she hates the school she is at because she gets picked on by the other kids and called a geek. She is also unhappy about being in low sets. I've spoken to the teachers and they have said its impossible to move her because of timetabling. I don't want to move schools because they are all bigger, or in worse areas. I'm worried due to her nature, she will get picked on where ever she goes. Apart from this, she seems to have plenty of friends and is getting high marks

[coco pops]

Take your daughters feelings seriously . Try to point out the good points of the school she is at. As far as being "picked on" she is being bullied. Being sensitive does not mean she has to learn to deal with it. The school should step in and if they don't ,keep going back in until they do. You are the mum and you know your child better than the teachers.

[Barney's pal]

thanks coco pops, will take your advice

[lina15]

Having left high school last year and having experienced similar situations I would advise that you tell your daughter it is likely things will get better, expecially because she is only 12, the immaturity of boys at that age is unbelievable and infact they call girls names as a form of flirting!

Anyway, remember most young teenagers experience similar problems at high school and not many people will admit to enjoying high school, hopefully things will get better for her, I really hope it does!

[ganesh]

I would disagree with cocopops. All schools SAY they have an anti-bullying policy but in reality it doesn't work. If a child is bullied which is sadly the norm these days they don't punish the bullies but usually say there is something 'wrong' with the child that is being bullied. She is being 'over-sensitive' or 'can't stand up for herself' or can't get on with her peers.
I speak from experience and my daughter went to a very good 'reputable' school. She too was very clever but disorganised and forgetful due to mild ADD. The only thing the teachers wanted to do was send her to psycologists and the bullies were never punished.
Year 8 is unfortunately famous for it,and moving her to another school probably won't help. I sent my daughter to a selective academic school and even there she was sneered at when she got high marks.
All I can say is that she WILL have to learn to take it and deal with it,because no-one seems to know how to deal with bullying!

[gundog]

Enrol her for karate lessons. They teach not only self defence but a mind set that will teach her to cope with such things. If it turns physical she will be able to cope.

[wizard69]

There's always the option of home education Barney.
see here http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Society-and-Cul ture/Question373758.html

[Barney's pal]

thanks for all your advice. She has good days and bad days. I'll just have to keep an eye on the situation.

[curiosity]

Hi Barney' s pal, I feel for you, it must be so frustrating, this is the time that is difficult for a lot of young people Yr7, as parents we feel it is make or break in secondary school settling in, but it will come. However your daughter sounds like some kids at my son & daughters school (now years 10&11) who from primary school yr6 were identified as maybe struggling more in secondary school and a buddy system was set up from starting. This has worked brilliantly and helped to include some who would have struggled. This may not be your daughters problem, and it may be a passing thing, but many young people on the autistic spectrum even very mild, find change hard. In year 6 at Primary they are with kids who they have been with since day one in reception class and are familiar and comfortable and accepted, they have 1 teacher all year.

[curiosity]

In yr 7 at secondary not only do they have 4 or 5 teachers a day they also have a few primary feeder schools coming together with loads of different pupils. On top of that is the developmental job for her of becoming more sophisticated in her social skills, forming more meaningful and deeper relationships (not sexual). All this, if she does have a mild developmental disorder such as aspergers is the worst nightmare for her. BUT I know kids who have managed with discreet support and gone on to college Uni to be doctors etc. Only if you identify and deal with it. Like I say it may not be the case, but what you say seems top fit. Good Luck I'm sure she'll have a fantastic life regardless, but you might need to get people to help her through this.

[turtlefaice1]

Beeing at secondry school my self I watch people beeing picked on for mainly beeing shy!.. Bullies are jelous and discusting people and they make me sick!.. Your daughter needs to stick with her friends.. & ignore the bullies, don't let them win!.. & tell her to remeber.. That these dirty discusting scag head bullies who might take the micky out of you because they think it's cool to wiind the teachers up and get in to trouble.. will get nowhere in life.. Your daughter however, who's hardworking.. Will one day be their bosses!

[ganesh]

Curiosity's comment sound familiar to a lot of comments from teachers when children are being bullied,in that 'there must be something wrong with them'. Aspergers is the 'in ' thing to blame it on ,rather than the 'bullying' kids that are making the 'bullied' have less confidence and become very sensitive.Not all 'geeks' as they call them are Autistic',and even if your daughter is labelled with that ,which I doubt,there is no excuse for this kind of behaviour.
I agree with turtlefaice,most nice shy people are picked on by those who have no respect for authority and know that they can get away with it because any blame will be put on the 'victims'.
I hope your school can sort something out but don't hold your breath!

[curiosity]

ganesh I totally agree with you Bullies do need sorting out, I certainly didn't intend to say it was her fault and I don't think that I did. I was merely offering a line of advice that may or may not be relevant in this instance, but if it is relevant then I personally think it is also useful, just because you have had a bad experience doesn't mean that specific problems should not be considered.

[ganesh]

I didn't mean to have a go,curiosity,and of course these things can be considered but I just think that there is a tendency(and it's not just my personal experience) to blame the ' victim' and let bullies get away with it. We hear terrible stories all the time,and my daughters 'experience' is very mild compared with some.
I still think schools now want to label students with some kind of 'syndrome' or 'personality problem' in order to excuse their own deficiencies. It's very easy for them to say they have an 'anti-bullying' policy and then in reality do nothing at all!