Whats best for my boy?

[jibjib]

For the last two years my youngest son, who is 10 has consistantly asked to come & live with us (his Dad & Step Mum). The first issue, is that we are worried about the consequences of his relationship with his mum & elder brothers & whether his removal from this family unit would have an adverse effect on him both short & long term ( & his brothers)? Secondly, at 10 years old can he comprehend and cope with the change, namely new home, new rules, new school, new town (10 miles/30 mins away from Mum) new friends etc etc. Can these obstacles be overcome or should he stay put with Mum & brothers??? Over to you. Thanks.

[kittywoo]

im glad your considering this so carefully. my ex kidnapped my daughter no conceren for her! um well 10 is a reasonable age for him to decide for himself have you sat dowmn and explained your concernes? they really are more with it than we think! tell him you would like him to but he needs to think about all those things you mention. also sometimes i get the same from my daughter however it is only because she gets to go out with her dad alot and gets spoilt when she visits him.
but she doesnt want to stay for more than a week when shes not going out etc..
also there is the issue of what if he wants his mum if he gets ill etc...
i would broach the subject wiyh his mum firstly be straight with her. even if she says no. just tell her you want her to be in the loop of your sons thoughts.
she may supprise you!
perhaps offer to have him throughout the summer holidays 6 weeks and see how you cope....
its hard work full time and can put a strain on your relationship!
hope this helps!!
take care!

[jibjib]

Hi Kittywoo, thank you for the nugget about him being ill, I had not even thought about a basic need like that as I've been to busy looking at the bigger picture. We all need our mums when we are ill regardless of age, eh? I've got a meet with his Mum next week (public place) to discuss the proposal in fuller detail, hopefully she will be able to productively illustrate her concerns for "G" so we can find out what is in his best interest. You have have shown that I have now got to focus on the basics & maybe Mums the best one to approach. Unless of course others have any suggestions that I may have overlooked?

[yummymum]

Have you asked him why he wants to live with you? i think u need to talk to him first and see what his reasons are, kitty made a good point about children wanting to be where they think they got it better, if this is the case then he needs to realise that living with you would be much the same as living with is Mum on a daily basis
(assuming his Mum isnt a bad Mother in anyway) and it wouldnt be all days out and treats. If the reason he wants to live with you is because he thinks he will have it better living with you then maybe you could have a trial run to see if its what he really wants, you never know he may come back down to earth with a bump!. I think you also need to ask him if it as anything to do with his Mum as to why he doesnt want to be there and if this is the case then maybe you could try and sort the situation out between him and her. i think its really important that you consider his feelings but make sure he as good valid reasons for wanting to do this because if his reasons are fickle then he may decide in 6 months timwe he wants to go back to his mums and then its change all over again. As for his brothers I would cross that bridge when it comes to it, thier feelings are important and i think they would miss each other but if him living with you makes him happier then thats got to be put first. good luck xx