Toddler Troubles

[aimee86]

My partners 27 month old son behaves so badly that i have refused to visit when he has his son which is 3-4 days a week, this may sound very selfish and i feel terrible for doing this but the final straw came today when his son punched me in the face...he kicks, smacks, punches and bites anyone and everyone but my partner refuses to tell him off, saying he wants his time with him to be 'happy time', this is very hard to stand by and watch! I would never dream of telling him off myself as its not in my place even though i have helped raise him since his birth...however, his behaviour is unbearable and getting worse! Does anyone have any suggestions as to what i can say to my partner without upsetting him, a few months ago i mentioned to him that he should maybe try the naughty step thing and he got very upset! His son has always been very unsettled, and at 27 months still doesnt sleep through the night, i can tell my partner is emotionally and physically exhausted! Any advice would be very helpfull!!! thanks :)

[oldgrape]

i'm in the same boat as you my partners son is 5 and i hate to say he but i can't stand him, he bites etc and when my son was 4 months old he punched him to make the baby cry so i would get up and get his breakfast, he also goes back to his mums or nans and says that i have hit him and he tells me that his step dad touches him (not true all attention seeking) i avoid being at home when he's there i've tried everything to get my partner to do something about him with no success my partner just says boys will be boys! if you can find away let me know!!!!!

[jane1098]

the naughty step is a great idea. i use it for my two yr old. your littlen seems to be lacking attention. every time he hits out use the naughty step. one minute for every year. explain why hes on the naughty step and when time is up ask him to say sorry give you a kiss and hug. if he gets off put him back on. it can be very time consuming but stick to it. it really works. try to play the games he enjoys with him leading. please be patient. dont rise to his out bursts. try to ignore them. i work with children for a living so im used to dealing with other peoples children. try my advice and let me know how you get on.

[~max~]

Oldgrape....Are you sure what the child is saying isn't true? It is VERY bizarre for a child that young to make such an accusation, to even THINK of saying that someone "touches" him, because that implies he knows it is wrong and WHY it is wrong. I'm sorry if you really know without a doubt that it is untrue, but this seems very strange behaviour to me.

[aims1202]

It sounds like he is an unhappy and angry little boy. He needs more positive attention and lots of love and affection and loads of praise all the time even for the slightest good or acceptable behaviour .
Try to ignore the bad behaviour completely but carry on playing as normal, it is important not to tell him he is a naughty boy, its the behaviour thats bad not him. If his bahaviour gets out of hand then you could stop playing with him for a short time. You give him attention when he behaves how you want and not when he doesnt.
I think he is a bit too young for time out, it is not very affective before the age of 3.5years and i personally think the naughty step is not that great either.
Think about what he is eating as well, things like squash, sweets and other sugary things or those with colours etc can affect their behaviour so avoid or limit them.
Be patient and understanding towards him, it is not his fault. He is very young and will not know why he is behaving this way. I hope it gets better soon for you all.

[sarahreiki]

I think this little boy behaves like this becasue he knows he can get away with it.
It seems a shame not to see your partner when his boy is there as this is not a real solution. Can you ask your partner to find out about rules from mum at home. Where-ever possible the boy will be more settled and more happy if mum and dad look after him the same way. I bet mum has rules!!!
If that is not an option say to your partner before the next problem, that you like spending time with both of them, but if the son ever kicks out that he must discipline the boy some how and if he doesn't then you will will. And tell him what you want to do and say. I would suggest for that age, say some thing like "Kicking is very bad, you have really hurt my arm. Now you must say sorry to me." (and if he doesn't then put him on the naughty step or take away a treat (no biscuit /pudding later) or favourite toy. It would be best if discipline comes from dad when he is there, but you should agree with your partner that you can discipline too, when dad isn't there or that will create another problem. Your partners "happy time" theory wont work long term, his son will learn to wrap him round his little finger, which he is already doing. and the behaviour will get worse and worse. Kids need rules to feel safe and secure. And they need to learn acceptable behaviour otherwise he could become an outcast.
If you cant agree anything along these lines then fall back to not seeing him while his son is there. or u will be a punch bag.
Good luck with your partner. Maybe just ask him what he would like to do about the problem and say you will back him up. but that the son must be stopped from kicking out., or make to see the consequences of his actions.

[taperface]

I TOTALLY agree with Max & Aims. First off, it seems very strange that this little boy accuses someone of touching him. I would be worried if I were you, since a a child of 27 months wouldn't usually make something up like this. Secondly, he sounds very much in need of love and reassurance. Putting a child on a "naughty step" for this type of thing would be wrong, as he would feel even MORE isolated and angry. You need to be patient with the little boy. He feels as though you're taking his dad away from him, so hard as it seems right now, please stay patient and kind towards him - and keep a watch!

[treborrobert]

for god sake whats the matter with you lot ? a child off 24 months dont know about touches in the wrong way ? he has told you and you called him a lier ? for god sake get a grip hear you stupid person he is being abused and you say NO ! stupid person ! ..... as for you with the boyfriends kid who smack and bite you .... get rid of this boyfriend he has no respect for you if he lets his son do that to you OR put him straight sort your son out or get out off my life.... children nead discipline without it they are unhappy . i dont mean smacking the child i mean a good telling off and the word NO !!! GET A GRIP YOU LOT FOR GOD SAKE !!!