naughty 3yr old at nursery

[dwaty]

My son started nursery about 3 weeks ago and within the first 2 days the nursery teacher was saying that he hit the other children, so when he got home i sent him to his bed i was soo angry, i talked to him after telling him that he'll not have any friends if he keeps hitting them, and today when i went to collect him i was told he did the same again, but how can i punnish him with time out when it was hrs ago that he was naughty, i have a naughty step which i use, but it's only works when he's naughty their and then. please any idea as i dont want him to get throwen out?

[andrea81]

Oh my god I thought it was just my son!

Well things are much better, but I have to say it took a while... basically what I did was create a wall chart with six things I wanted him to achive including behaviour at nursery. He got a happy or sad face depending on what the teacher told me, but I did tell the teacher what I was doing and she was kind enough to remind him of his goals.

- He has a space for getting dressed without a fuss
- Being kind to his friends
- Eating properly at the table
- Help tidying up
- Bathing and brushing teeth
- going to bet without fuss (tantrum)

His insentive is at the end of week, if he has done what is asked he gets to have a treat (magaziene from shop etc...) depending on how many happy faces he had, but I always make a fuss of him even if he gets 1!

[dwaty]

I am aware that it could be the tension between his father and i. He (our son) only says to me he loves me not to his dad but i just took that to be down to the fact his daddy is working all the time from 7 till 7 most nights with sat off. so with him only seeing him for an hr a day he's very close to me, and spoilt too.

[aims1202]

A 3 yr old child who is hitting other children is unhappy and anxious. It may be because of what is happening at home (as i just read) and also starting nursery as well.
Instead of punishments he needs a lot of love, affection and positive attention. Getting angry with him when he gets home will only make it worse. When he is at home try ignoring any unwanted behaviour and praise him all the time, every little thing he does and give rewards for really good behaviour.
If he hits out at home then all you need to do is tell him firmly 'no he must not hit', you could say why we dont hit people, its makes them feel sad, and stop playing with him or take the toy away for a short time. Then carry on playing without mentioning it again.
You could talk to him about feelings and ask him to tell you when he feels cross or sad instead of hitting. Doing this yourself when cross will help him to do it.
I would also talk to the nursery staff and ask them what they do when he hits other children. Ask them if they praise him when hes not doing it. Its important that they do this to boost his self esteem and make him feel less anxious about being there.
Hope this helps.

[dwaty]

Thanks aims that really helps i actually now think i know why he hit after you said he could be unhappy because i also have a 18mth old daughter and i have to say i think i give more attention and praise to her, i don't mean to favour her more and when i realize that I'm doing it i stop and give my son some attention. I'll try paying more attention to him and praise him more and hopefully this may change his behaviour.
thanks again aims x