Help please

[maddy18]

Just recently broke up with boyfriend cause I wont have an abortion. He is now sayin that he will get it taken away has he the right to do this?

[figure]

As a parent you would have as much right as he will, and he cannot do that. Keep notes with everything he says and don't forget to date them. If it ever comes to this, you will have proof.

How old are you both? Will you be able to care and help support this child? He is telling you that to scare you from having the baby. Could he be scared that's why he don't want the baby? Do you have a good friend or family member to discuss this with?

[maddy18]

I just turned 20 an he's 31. I went 2 Aberdeen for an abortion but cudnt go thru with it cause I was on my own an wanted to see scan an fell inlove. I told him an he sed tht we can work it out. Then he changed sayin he didnt want it an if i get rid of it we can still be together. Am back at parents now an they will stand by an support me. He threatened to kill us both but police wont do anythin till he physically harms me.

I just feel I cant take anymore keeps sayin he has alot on my family an that he will take it off me an put it up for adoption.

[rutineli]

This "man" of 31 is an embarassment to the rest of his gender. As the natural birth mother it is EXTREMELY unlikely that that sad excuse for a human being could persuade any judge in their right mind to give him custody of your child, especially for adoption.

As the birth mother you are the natural choice to bring up the child as long as you are able to demonstrate that you can offer a stable environment and there are many agencies that are prepared to offer you any help that you may need in order to do so.

You need to get busy and contact several agencies who exist to assist single mothers and get their advice and be aware of what you are entitled to and what they can help you with. Not those who demad a religeous committment as a pay back.

Speak with your family and see if there is any help available there. After all it is a done deed and if they do not like it they will have to lump it. If you love your baby already, you will go to any lengths to prevent anyone from killing it or giving it away for the sake of their own selfish convenience and that includes the father.

He probably thinks that he is "Jack The Lad " to have got himself a much younger girlfriend to show off about, but he would make a rotten father if he is prepared to kill off the child so that he doesn't look like a "wally" to other people. What is more he would prefer to do it in a way that he could place the responsibility on your shoulders. The type who can't take responsibility for his own actions.

By the time your child is ten he will be over 40 and you will still be young enough to turn heads so who needs HIM???

Don't let him use you, but let him pay you by all means !!

Take all of the advice from people who REALLY know about these things from your point of view and leave the know-all friends and him to each other's tender mercies.

Love and enjoy your baby for

[Buenchico]

(2-part post):

When someone really loves another person, they'll always put the other person's happiness before anything else. Your former boyfriend obviously cares nothing for your happiness so it's quite clear that he doesn't really love you. (He might feel lust, he might feel that he wants to own you but he most definitely doesn't love you and probably never has done). Get as far away from him as possible.

Any person who is genuinely concerned about a child's welfare can (and, indeed, should) report the matter to Social Services (or to another appropriate authority). Your ex could tell Social Services that you weren't able to look after the child. (He might do that out of genuine concern or simply out of malice). However, Social Services would take care to assess his motives and, even if they felt that you really might have difficulties in bringing up the child, they'd do everything possible to give you support before even considering 'taking the child away'. (That's always a very last resort which is only used in situations where the parent clearly can't cope, even with extensive support).

[Buenchico]

When the child is born, you should resist any attempts by your ex to jointly register the birth. This would give him 'parental responsibility', which would give him some rights about determining the child's future. (Normally I would champion the rights of unmarried fathers to acquire parental responsibility but this sh!tbag clearly doesn't really care about you or the baby). He could still seek parental responsibility through a court order but I think that it's unlikely that he'd do so and, even if he did, it's unlikely that a court would grant his application.

Keep a record of all his threats and actions. You might need these if he carries on with his self-centred approach to his relationship with you. Accurate records might be useful if you can force the police to act or if, after the child is born, he tries to get parental responsibility.

In the meantime, eat well, avoid alcohol, try to relax and look forward to becoming a mummy ;-)

Chris

[Miss Random]

Hi maddy,
You poor little poppet, you are about the same age as my daughter... and I would whole hartedly support whichever decision she made, if that's what made her happy.
Only a mother/woman can decide if having a baby is right, and you already have. I hope your family are being supportive, after all it is also their grandchild, neice/nephew, cousin..

The advice from Buenchico is spot on, so please take his words seriously, I share the same sentiments.

I wish you and your baby hapiness.
Take care and God Bless.

Missy
xxx

[sarnieken]

As a Fella (and one who's wife is 22 weeks pregnant) I would love to know where this a*sehole lives so I can go round with a few of my larger, bouncer mates and teach him a thing or two about being a decent human being.

If he doesn't want anything to do with the child then fair enough. That just shows that he's too much of a wimp and a p*ssy to deal with his actions.
However, to threaten the life of you and your child is just more than evil. And he expects you to chose an abortion to be with him?

Get rid of him. As has been said, make notes of the threats he has made. Try and get some form of physical evidence and then get proper help. The Police won't do f.a. until he hurts you. This sucks and is typical of the society we are in today. However, there is a way of claim assault by the threat of violence. It is difficult to prove but make sure you keep any and all proof of the cr*p he is putting you through.

Be strong, it sounds like you have a lot of backup from a good family. You are luck to have that.

All the best, chin up and I'm sure you and your baby will come ouf of this ok.
K

[HJT40]

My daughter was planned, but at two months pregnant I was told to get rid of it or move out, then get rid of it and move out.

I moved out and kept it, with the support of my family. I can honestly say that I don't regret it. If it is what you want to do then be happy and look forward to it. Don't let him spoil it for you.

My ex eventually did decide he wanted to see her when she was 4. Other members of his family always saw her.

You can do it and feel proud in knowing that you can and you will.

All good wishes to you!!

[x-jem-x]

I had a baby 7 weeks ago and me and my partner are not married, so we had to go together to register the birth of our son and I had to sign and verbally agree for my partner to have any rights over the baby. Therefore if you don't take you ex boyfriend with you to register your baby he will not have any rights over the child and you will have sole custody.