i don't know what to do

[icantdecide]

i'm 15
i don't really know were to start
my dad died few years ago, my mum and dad were divorced.
my mum started drinking a lot and she still does she smokes a lot
she rarely cooks for me
she rarely does any housework
i have to generally clean around the house, hoover, empty load the dishwasher
to earn pocket money which i dont get
to be honest she doesnt really do anything for me
she works 3 days a week at a school
she dosnt earn particulay much
when my dad died he left me and my sister around �60000 each
but because she doesn't earn much the courts say that this money has to pay the mortgedge which is nearly �1000 a month
so she gets this money to pay the mortgedge
and when i turn 21 she has to sell the house and pay us back
but not all of it
which i know she has to keep a roof over her house but because she gets this she has a less demanding job
meaning the pay is less
my sister turns
21 in september which means she gets her money so shes going to buy a 2 bed flat
apparently i can move in with her
im never allowed out
i never get any money
and she smokes 20 a day
drinks about 1.5 bottles of wine
�80 on her every 6 weeks
�40 on nails
shes got so much debt
and i just dont know what to do
im just sick of it
ive tried speaking to her but she just shouts
im good at school
and i rarely in trouble
on easter sunday she promised me a roast
she went out at 1 leaving me at home
she came in at 3 am extremely drunk
its actually got to the point were i think i hate her
nobody in my family can stand her
can any body suggest what i should do
i dont know if this makes sense

[snow.maiden]

There seems to be several problems rolled into one here, Icd. Is there no older relative, or anyone at school that you can talk to? Have you tried talking to your mum when she's sober, and explaining how worried you are?
If your dad left a will, I don't see how your mum can use any money which's been left to you.
I'm tempted to say move in with your sister when or if she receives her share of the money, but I think you need to talk to someone about this, who can help with legal impications, and also have a quiet word with your mum about her drinking. Best of luck hun.

[sense4all]

Find out if there are any alateen groups in your part of the country.This is a support network for the families of alcoholics.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen/index.asp

Sometimes it is just nice to speak to somebody who is really going through the same thing as you.

One step at a time : there may be people or resources to assist you in finding a way forward with the other issues that have had happen as a result of your Mum's drinking.

[scorpious123]

sorry to hear that your dad died and your mums got no time for you.it sounds like your mum has a lot of problems.As you say that you are you are speaking to people in your family, as you are 15 you have a choice on where you want to live legally,have you asked anyone in your family if they will put you up. Its not right that your mum is treating you lke that.May be if you moved out in time it will give her a wake up call and try and sort her life out.
I wouldnt worry about the money,for a young person to be in that situation it will muck your head up.as you have spocken to your sister that she is going to buy a flat move in with her

[froggequene]

There is nothing you can do for your mother, she must help herself.

In the meantime, you could speak to Social Services & ask them to help you - if you're reluctant to speak to them, speak to someone you trust on the staff at school or speak to the Headteacher, they'll be able to refer your situation to the Child Protection Team at the Local Authority.

You could also try ringing childline for advice.

If your older sister hasn't done so already, I think she needs to seek legal advice on her inheritance

[DONNAKEBABUK]

I am sure you love your Mum and I am so very sorry to hear of the sad loss of your father.

Your Mum may be grieving too and this may be her way of dealing with it. However, YOU are the child and SHE is the parent so it is her duty to be looking after you.

I wonder if you could talk to one of your teachers, or even the School Nurse allocated to your school.

Socail Services WILL help you, they are not there to take children away from their Mothers/ Families unless there is the risk of immediate danger to the child.

If you go on to Yell.Com and type in Social Services for your area it will come up with a list of numbers. The department you need is The First Response Team for children over the age of 8. They will talk to you, ring you back on your mobile if you want them to, you can go and see them, they can come and see you and beleive me they are very trained and very helpful. A lot of folk are scared of Social Services but please dont be they are duty bound to help you AND your Mum at your hour of need and that sounds like right now.

Take Care.

katie. x

[froggequene]

I thougth Donna/Katie's answer was quite good & very encouraging, where's it gone?

[aims1202]

I agree with the other answers, you need to get help with this. you could call Childline 08001111 and they will advise you what to do and where you should go for help. its too much for you to deal with on your own, i hope it gets better for you soon.
take care

[puzzled54]

If its difficult to talk to someone, why not print out what you have written here and use it as a starting point to talking - is there a councellor or nurse at school? You could go and see your gp, tell them the situation and ask to be referred to social services. Is there a family member you could live with for a while till your mum sorts herself out? Just decide where to start and take it from there. Good luck.

[dot.hawkes]

I agree that your Mum should use the money you have been left to support the home and you, but why was the mortgage not cleared when your dad died? This is usually how it works, have you spoken to your legal advisor? i know that sounds crazy, but maybe you should ask to see the terms of the will and ask how much is outstanding on the mortgage, very odd it was not included in the policy that covered the bequest

[jedimistress]

Hello,
I think Al Ateen would be great for you. You will find you are not alone and they can offer you plenty of support as they are all there themselves. They are not people who are paid to listen to you, but people who want to listen and share their stories and hopes and solutions. People in the same boat as you who also felt they needed help and support.

I think you will be glad and relieved to have reached for help and found Al Ateen.

You did not cause your mum to drink this way. I hope you realise this. There is nothing you can say which will cure her. And none of it is your fault. It is very hard and denting of self esteem to see someone you love putting their drinking above you, but you are not alone and you must have more strength than you think.

Please let us know how you get on.

[leelapops]

Oh icd, I really feel for you. The advice given here is brilliant, and I have nothing else to add to it really. I just wanted to say that I think you are incredibly strong to have coped with losing your dad, and to manage your mum's behaviour so it doesn't affect your education and so on. But I think you definitely need to come out of holding your silence, and tell someone you trust, who can be objective about it.

If you need to talk, or just let it all out, feel free to PM me on SportsBank and I will pass on my MSN/email, if you feel this is appropriate. I don't want to sound dodgy or anything though; I know you are 15! :S Anyway, I will dig myself out of my hole and leave it at that!

Lots of luck hun x