14 yr old daughter sneaks out of house

[daboz4winie2]

what is the appropiate solution to a teenager who thinks she should not be punished for sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night

[FP]

Ground her for a week or two and take away her door key. She won't sneak out if she knows she can't get back in. Ask her to put herself in your position. How would she feel if you sneaked out in the middle of the night. Wouldn't she be frantic with worry about you if you acted in such a silly way?

[nrmatth]

why is she sneaking anyway? my mom was great about when i wanted to go somewhere. if your daughters responsible how about giving her one night a week to be out later? then the temptation isn't there and when you catch her sneaking out on a day you didn't agree on then losing that priviledge would be a sorry mistake on her part. i never snuck out because my mom gave me some breathing room on nights that it wasn't a school night. and if she found would have found out there was drinking or partying or something involved she would've cracked down on me big time. i chose not to do that stuff even when the people around me did and for that i earned her trust.let her know earning that trust is basically all about her self control and how much she respects her body. if she can do that then maybe she earned it. but if she can't then grounding might work for you. but remember teenagers will find a way, and if it's not one thing it's another. sometimes the ones that are responsible suffer for the mistakes of others. and of course this suggestion would have to be modified to work with your situation, comfort level, and her maturity.

[xxlizziexx]

im a 14 year old girl to. so i can realte to her. shes a teenager, shes wants to break the rules. it makes her feel like she is in power. i agree with nrmatth in a way. let her have one nite wen she is alowed out late, then it wont give her as much "power". she might think it is cool to break the rules, many teens do. try and talk to her about it ask her why she does it. try and relate to her. if i did that then my mum would properly ground me 4 2 weeks and one of those nights shes alowed to stay out. it will confuse her. wonder why she has such a cool mum for lettng her out when shes grounded. it wont give her as much "happiness" as it did before. its less power for her. (im sorry if there are alot of spelling mmistacks im a really bad speller.)

[Lindy Loo]

lizzie - what a mature answer, and all credit to you for seeing both sides. daboz4winie2 I'd go with the suggestions made and try to find the reason for her sneaking out as calmly as possible. Unfortunately all teenagers try to break the rules and assert themselves. A friends daughter did exactly the same at a similar age. His answer was grounding, loss of mobile phone etc for a week or so, and negotiated 'late nights' as lizzie and nrmatth have suggested. Part of it turned out to be 'if my friends can do 'so and so' why cannot I? Also is she trying to keep up eith her peer group, or being pressured into it as a 'dare'. I think being the parent of teenagers is more worrying than when they're toddlers. I've got 2 of them and they're still breathing...just!!! Hope you get it sorted.

[georgit79]

Chain her to the bed! Honestly, she's probably caving to peer pressure. I think you should go with the harsh but cool offering that lizzie suggested. I would have never thought of grounding with one night off. That said, I'm 24, have never been grounded in my life, and because of that have never felt the need to sneak around. Have you grounded her before?

[Wraith]

I have a thirteen year old daughter and worry like mad if she's out late. Not because I don't trust her, but because I worry about her being mugged or even raped. I have explained this to her, but she doesn't see the world as a bad place and thinks I worry needlessly. Yet every day I read about women being raped and muggers beating up grannies.
I went for a compromise in the end, and only let her out if she is with someone and then only until 9 o'clock during the week or 10 o'clock at weekends. During the week she must finish any homework before going out. She isn't allowed to leave the estate we live on, has to have her mobile phone with her and I have to know where she is going. I have a list of all her friends addresses and phone numbers so I can contact her in an emergency.

I know this may sound a little OTT, but she gets to go out and I have some peace of mind.

[xxlizziexx]

i just wanted to say thank u to all the poeple that said things about me. as read what other poeple wrote and there was my name memsioned i smiled and i felt really happy when lindy loo said how mature i am. i put it there beacuse im a teen to so i can realte to the side that she is on, a parent cant as much , no mater how hard they try. im always here if anyone wants help i wil try and help that is :) hehe thanx again and i hope that daboz4winie2 gets it sorted out.

[georgit79]

No worries Lizzie, you sound like you've got a really mature head on those shoulders. And, as you said, yours is the best advice, because so far you're the only one who can properly relate to the daughter. What do you think, daboz4winnie2?

[xxlizziexx]

aww thank you georgit79, you've no idea hwo much that means, sounds silly but it does. im very slow at school work and never had anyone say that to me aparent from my mum but thats my mum. i hope that all these ideas etc have helped u daboz4winie2 and im always here if u need me anyone :) x

[Wraith]

I have to agree xxlizziexx you sound very mature. If I ever need any advice with my daughter I hope you can help.

[xxlizziexx]

anytime :) im here to try and help ;)

[Gef]

The question is about sneaking out in the middle of the night not about staying out late or have I missed something?

[mollymandy]

who is the adult and who is the child , get a grip !!