sooo annoyed, what to do???

[fifi08]

my ex owes me money. we split up nearly 2 yrs ago. we agreed he would pay me �30 a week for kids, i didnt want to go through the csa cos we are on kind of good terms still. he comes round mine most days to see the kids which iv never had a problem wiv. now im thinking of settin proper days and times. i dont want to turn a bitch about it but why should he be able to come round see his kids willie nillie when he cant help me support them. i only work on a saturday so i dont have much money. what do you think i should do?? im so angry with him

[fifi08]

he owes me 5 weeks worth.
i can see the steam coming out my ears!!!!

[Ethel]

Wouldn't you be punishing the children if you stopped him coming round?

Has he lost his job? Has something happened that means he can't pay?

If not, tell him to pay up or you'll got through the CSA

[weeal]

If he's paid for the most of the 2yrs and suddenly its gone wrong there might be a reason, you have to ask him, discuss it, you wouldnt want to change the kid' routines suddenly and have them upset tho I agree he must pay to support the kids by one way or another.
Good luck.

[sara3]

he can't pay or won't pay?

are you on benefits yourself?

[fifi08]

he's a taxi driver so he dont make alot of cash. i am on benefits but i still got bills to pay.
the last thing i want is to upset the kids but he cant have it all!! he needs to su[pport the kids as much as me if he wants to carry on the way it is.
i think because we are on ok terms he can take advantage of me.
he hasnt been the best to pay over the last 2 yrs. even the last 5 weeks hes been saying pay you next week, everyweek.
he even owes his dad money but it annoyes me so much that he just dont seem to care

[sara3]

I'm sure you know that you have to declare any maintenance payments, and that amount would be deducted from your own benefits so you wouldn't actually be any better off.

but if you think he isn't taking his responsibilities seriously you need to involve the CSA. it sounds to me like he's getting into a financial mess but you shouldn't punish the kids. make some sensible arrangements for him to see the kids, and perhaps consider getting some legal advice, or talk to a welfare advisory group like the CAB.

best of luck.

[ummmm]

That isn't actually true sara depending on what benefits she receives. If she gets working tax credits she does not have to declare maintenance. Only if on income support.

[Velvetee]

�30 per week can't go very far. Sounds like he's getting off easily. I would have expected alot more. It would be hard enough to manage on �30 for one child, let alone more.

He gets to come round when he wants, see the children, see you. Do you provide meals for him when he comes round?

I suppose it's good the children are having frequent contact with their father, but you need to lay down the law a bit more with the maintenence issue.

[fifi08]

i do get income support and they are aware of what he pays me.
i know �30 isint alot so it shouldnt be to hard to find.
he does have tea round mine some days.
dont get me wrong he isint a bad person he does help me if i ever need it. i will try tslk to him again and take it from there
x

[sara3]

you're right, ummmm.. but a lone parent working probably a maximum of 8 hours a week would probably be on IS.

actually fifi, if you're not on IS you should apply for it.

[sara3]

in that case, fifi, you need to notify the DWP that he has not been paying you so that they can adjust your IS.

[natalie_1982]

If he comes round most days anyway, why not try fixing days and times to enable you to go out and work a few more hours during the week?

[Le Chat]

Although you may feel like not letting him see the children so often etc, you need to treat the two things as seperate entities. The children need to see him and he needs to pay his portion. Do not sacrifice one for the other. My rich ex husband pays only �10 per week for his son (through the CSA -Self employed, so gets away with giving them doctored books and they don't care) but I would not stop him seeing his son, as his son is his son whatever. I understand how you feel though, I really do but ultimately the children should not suffer for our adult ways.

[fifi08]

we had a chat i explained that they're his kids as much as mine as he needs to buck his ideas up. he has given me half the money. he will give me the rest at the weekend.
like i said i think he thought he didnt have to worry so much cos we was on ok terms.
i also said about him coming round everyday, he can come round at tea time and see them for an hour or 2 before bed. i would nevr stop him seeing them

[carron81]

hi

its not a good situation to be in

i've looked into this a lot lately as my boyfriend has 2 children to his ex so always want to make sure we're doing the right thing.

does he help out with other costs eg. school clothes, play clothes, christmas, does he have them over night.

i know the csa take the amount of overnight stays into consideration, if its over 50 a year then that will lower the amount of money you get

from going through my parents splitting up i think if my dad was to come round most days it would stress me out. but my dad lived hundreds of miles away so that wasn't a problem

does he have a house the children could go to for the weekend if he could come and collect them. that could be better for you. would save money on food, washing etc if so that could also be good for the kids

going back to the csa i would watch especially if he's a taxi driver. he might not be declairng his exact earning and you could end up worse off. my friend had that, her ex husband was a builder - on the side - and earning a fortune as he wasn't declaring most of it he only had to pay �5 a week. makes you mad

its like my boyfreind, if his ex was to go to the csa he'd maybe have to pay about �20 a month more. but as he pays for new school clothes every season, shoes, pencils etc, holiday s, holiday clothes and pays for all their santa stuff his ex would end up shooting herself in the foot as she's not declaring the money, she doesn't work and is on every benefit going. if he was to pay more then due to our debts he would have to reduce some of the school clotes/santa stuff etc. and if she was to go through the csa that would really affect her benefits if they knew he was giving her money