aggressive at school - 4 years

[veritysims]

my child is reasonably wellbehaved at home, no major causes for concern. He started school last month (he's 4) and pretty much on a daily basis Im being told by his teacher that has been aggressive in the playground. Punching, kicking other kids. Hes not aggressive at home and has never been smacked. Im starting to dread picking him up. Any tips on how I deal with this? Do I punish him at home, if so, how? ive tried talking it through with him but to no avail.

[SGKelloe32]

My brother went through this when he started school. I think it was the feeling of insecurity at school, may be he doesn't feel safe at school away from familiar people. He is maybe just fighting for attention at school, as he knows it is the only way he will get noticed amongst other children. It won't do any good punishing him at home for something he does at school as this will only confuse him. Ask him does he like it at school and if there are any teachers/children he does not like or is having problems with. You could also start a reward scheme for when he behaves at school, for example, a sticker chart that you keep all week, green ones for when he is good and red ones for when he is naughty. When he collects so many stars in a week, reward him with a little treat. Good luck.

[pompey]

Apperantly in the sun paper a while back, amir khan the ameteur boxer at just 17, he apperantly fought with younger kids at skool at the age of 5 or so i think. Look how he turned out as a decent and disciplined fighter.

Put ur son in to some fighting thing like martial arts or boxing, i used to fight at school when i was young, but i do martial arts and occasionaly boxing and that gets all my frustrations out, it may make him more disciplined , give it a try , might work , might not, try it?

[Lindy Loo]

He's probably still finding it all very strange....new faces, new routines, and importantly for him, no mum... It may be taking him longer settle down than some of the other children.

 

SGKelloe32 made a good suggestion with the star chart....the treat at the end of the week could be a trip to Mcdonalds, rent his favourite video, a new comic, a small toy.... On the good days give loads of praise and well done's....try and play down the 'not so good' days, that way your son will gradually get the idea 'good days' get praise and attention and bad ones don't.

 

Hope that things get better for you soon   

[veritysims]

all good advice. the martial arts one is an interesting idea, I'll look into it. sticker chart seems to be a popular one, starting that this week. Thanks all

[Lindy Loo]

You're welcome verity.

[DINGO11]

I am glad I am not alone!!!  I have had exactly the same problem with my 4 year old so BUT the teacher seems to have cracked it.  She uses a reward chart so that everytime he behaves well eg in the playground or at luchtime he gets a smiley face.  If he behaves well all day he gets to wear a I am a star badge and if he behaves all week he gets to choose a treat eg a balloon or chocolate bar.  Last week he receqived a merit award from the head teacher for improved behaviour and he was really pleased and we took him to the pictures.  Fingers crossed this all seems to be working well and I am less stressed!!! Hope it helps. 

[Dagman]

Each time he's naughty take one of his toys away, he'll probably retaliate but don't give in. Remind him he'll get it back if he's good but if not, take another. It's a question of your will power. It may feel cruel but you don't want him growing up cruel. Smacking isn't always the answer, in my lifetime it has only been used in a case of danger i.e. child running wild beside road or being stupid with something that can harm him or others like a stick or throwing stones, you get the picture? Anyways, smack him at home and he'll not relate it directly with being naughty at school! Good luck. 

[Kiki]

I agree that this response is quite typical of a child who is feeling insecure.  Imagine yourself feeling insecure, but not having the advantages of experience, you react by lashing out at the threat.  He will settle down, but you must explain that lots of children feel worried when they start school, but then when they are nice to all the other children, they make lots of friends and then they don't feel worried any more!  You could try inviting a couple of children round after school a few times a week.  This should help build links and help him make friends.

 

[veritysims]

thank u all for the advice. happy to report that with your ideas, my support and the cooperation of the teacher the situation has improved greatly. he has been getting gold stars at school and is very proud of himself. thanks again.