ChatterBank0 min ago
My childrens surname
Hi
I have had to make this as short as possible.
I have 2 boys (aged 9 & 10), I split from my boys mother Nov 2007, not a great split and gaining contact was a battle. I was then told by my Ex that she was changing my boys surname to hers. As I didn't have PR at the time there wasn't a great deal I could do. I then filled out the appropriate court forms to get it to court to gain contact and PR. I received this in the April. The name change of my boys was carried out in the January. The order wasn't stuck to by my Ex partner, I then had to wait a further 3 months to get it back to court for the judge to enforce the order, contact finally started and has been going very well ever since (every other weekend all weekend). The issue of the surname was raised to which the judge said he would seek the advise of Cafcass and asked them to compile a report in the best interest of the children, I wasn't asking for their name to be changed back to mine (even though I believe I am entitled to?) but I suggested double barrelled (which I assumed would please both parties). I don't speak to my boys about it as I want our weekends together to be as enjoyable as possible but knowing me Ex like I do and listening to my boys I know she is talking to them and manipulating them all the time. Anyway we went back to court in January this year to be told Cafcass hadn't completed the report, so we now have to wait until May. My concerns are 1) Cafcass come back and say they should keep her name, where do I stand? 2) My boys keep her name, she marries, they are then left with a surname that doesn't correspond to anybody! Or alternatively is she able to change it to her husband's surname? I have been representing myself through out the whole process as I can not afford to get any help, (she obviously gets legal aid, because she doesn't work) do you think it is time I got some professional help?
Thank you, I Look forward to your advise.
I have had to make this as short as possible.
I have 2 boys (aged 9 & 10), I split from my boys mother Nov 2007, not a great split and gaining contact was a battle. I was then told by my Ex that she was changing my boys surname to hers. As I didn't have PR at the time there wasn't a great deal I could do. I then filled out the appropriate court forms to get it to court to gain contact and PR. I received this in the April. The name change of my boys was carried out in the January. The order wasn't stuck to by my Ex partner, I then had to wait a further 3 months to get it back to court for the judge to enforce the order, contact finally started and has been going very well ever since (every other weekend all weekend). The issue of the surname was raised to which the judge said he would seek the advise of Cafcass and asked them to compile a report in the best interest of the children, I wasn't asking for their name to be changed back to mine (even though I believe I am entitled to?) but I suggested double barrelled (which I assumed would please both parties). I don't speak to my boys about it as I want our weekends together to be as enjoyable as possible but knowing me Ex like I do and listening to my boys I know she is talking to them and manipulating them all the time. Anyway we went back to court in January this year to be told Cafcass hadn't completed the report, so we now have to wait until May. My concerns are 1) Cafcass come back and say they should keep her name, where do I stand? 2) My boys keep her name, she marries, they are then left with a surname that doesn't correspond to anybody! Or alternatively is she able to change it to her husband's surname? I have been representing myself through out the whole process as I can not afford to get any help, (she obviously gets legal aid, because she doesn't work) do you think it is time I got some professional help?
Thank you, I Look forward to your advise.
Answers
1 to 2 of 2
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by Topha. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
I'm in a slightly similar situaiton in that my ex has now remarried and had children with her current man. She has however approached me about changing my daughters surname to that of her new husband ( I should point out that they now live in Germany so their surname does stand out like a sore thumb). I was initially very very against this idea as I felt it was taking away part of who they actually are for the sake of convenience to herself.
However having spoken in depth to my elder daughter about it ( whose 11, the littler one is nearly three so really doesn't have an opinion on the subject yet) I feel now that it's really not my call to decide one way or the other, so I have told my elder daughter that whatever she's happy with, I'm happy with, but that nothing will ever stop me being her father if she needs me.
I understand that the name change is what she wants to go ahead with for her own reasons and I'm going to grant my permission for that.(It's quite complex as you can't change your name in Germany, it has to be done back here).
I can understand why you feel the way that you do. I'm still less than happy about it myself, however if your kids are old enough to know their own minds on the subject I think you should talk to them and see how they feel. Tell them you'd love them to have your name and explain why without getting into a blame game about their Mum etc.
If you really really can't face the prospect of them having a different name to you, or if they are very little and maybe haven't formed an opinion on the subject, then by all means get some legal advice, as I think it's so complex you probably need some, but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not just to ' pay her back' for her previous presumptious behaviour.
However having spoken in depth to my elder daughter about it ( whose 11, the littler one is nearly three so really doesn't have an opinion on the subject yet) I feel now that it's really not my call to decide one way or the other, so I have told my elder daughter that whatever she's happy with, I'm happy with, but that nothing will ever stop me being her father if she needs me.
I understand that the name change is what she wants to go ahead with for her own reasons and I'm going to grant my permission for that.(It's quite complex as you can't change your name in Germany, it has to be done back here).
I can understand why you feel the way that you do. I'm still less than happy about it myself, however if your kids are old enough to know their own minds on the subject I think you should talk to them and see how they feel. Tell them you'd love them to have your name and explain why without getting into a blame game about their Mum etc.
If you really really can't face the prospect of them having a different name to you, or if they are very little and maybe haven't formed an opinion on the subject, then by all means get some legal advice, as I think it's so complex you probably need some, but make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not just to ' pay her back' for her previous presumptious behaviour.
In a simialr situation too!
Husbands ex wants to change their daughters name to her current boyfriends. We find that his daughter tells us she wants to have her fathers surname when she's with us and she tells her mother she wants her boyfriends surname - poor love is trying to please everyone despite us all telling her she can chose whatever she wants - she's 6 and very fickle, what 6 yr old isn't!
Seems in a situation like that, double barrell works well. Our problem is that we don't actually know what his daughters name is - the ex says she's changed it but won't show us any proof. I think legally she has her father's name, at school she has her new name and at the doctors she is double-barrell - just ridiculous.
Husbands ex wants to change their daughters name to her current boyfriends. We find that his daughter tells us she wants to have her fathers surname when she's with us and she tells her mother she wants her boyfriends surname - poor love is trying to please everyone despite us all telling her she can chose whatever she wants - she's 6 and very fickle, what 6 yr old isn't!
Seems in a situation like that, double barrell works well. Our problem is that we don't actually know what his daughters name is - the ex says she's changed it but won't show us any proof. I think legally she has her father's name, at school she has her new name and at the doctors she is double-barrell - just ridiculous.
1 to 2 of 2
