Badly behaved child

[Velvetee]

Earlier today my partner and I took his mother out for her birthday lunch. His younger brother, partner and their two children also came along. The restaurant was quite an austere, "oldy worldy" type place and we were the only table occupied.

His brother's older daughter from a previous relationship is 12 and a very pleasant, well behaved young lady, but the younger child, who he has with his current partner, has to be the most hyper active, rudest brat I've ever encountered and I couldn't believe how her parents just let her behave the way they did.

She is 5 and cannot sit still for a minute. She was dashing around the restaurant, answering her parents back, being cheeky and had the table manners of a pig. Her parents seemingly find her behaviour quaint and say she is "lively" because she's very advanced for her age.

Would her behaviour really be down to her being "advanced for her age", therefore more prone to boredom and needing constant stimulation, or is she just a spoilt brat, who's parents give her no bounderies, allowing her to behave how she wants?

I'll be having my first child soon, so I'm worried in case I end up with such a child. How do you know the correct way of raising a child, so they are pleasant and well behaved, or is it just trial and error and the luck of the draw?

[sara3]

I do hate seeing children creating in a restaurant, but I do think some people have unreasonable expectations of their children. my son is 12 and still doesn't get why we have to wait for food after it's been ordered, and then wait for the bill!

the upshot is, the parents should have taken something to distract her with if she's not used to behaving in that sort of atmosphere. it's not "advanced" behaviour but it is 5 year old behaviour.

[Velvetee]

From what I'm told, she's like this all the time, even to the point of wanting to run her class at school, out talking teachers etc. perhaps it's something in her diet.

[cazzz1975]

some kids are just like that velvetee, most young children do not have the social skills to deal with a formal grown up atmosphere for a long period of time, their attention span is that of a peanut.

she will grow out of it

[annie0000]

A bit of everything really velvetee. Probably not a good choice of venue in the first place for a 5 year old. You don't have to limit yourself to McDonalds and Pizza Hut, but a nice family restaurant probably would have been a better choice. Everyone was probably a bit on edge and a child will pick up on that and play up sometimes. The parents should have brought a suitable distraction (e.g colouring book etc). And she should be more disciplined, but sometimes listening to parents shouting at their kids in a restaurant is more of a distraction than the child themselves.

Also, with the best will in the world, sometimes kids just have an off day and may behave nicely 9 times out of 10 when out for a meal, but it is that 1 bad time that gets remembered.

I would say from your point of view, some of it is down to your childs personality and you cut your cloth accordingly - some people will have quiet natured children that are happy to sit and take in the world around them and others never sit still or shut up (in my experience, this is usually child number 2, 1st children do tend to have quieter dispositions - I guess it is natures way of ensuring that there are 2nd children. The number of people I hear that say that if they had had their 2nd child first, they would have stopped at 1!). Some of it is down to your general discipling and boundary setting and the rest is about planning and choosing places to go that fit in with what your child is capable of.

We have always taken our kids out to eat and to hotels, and I think that on the whole their behaviour is good, it is a very familiar activity to them. I think that you just try your child out with different places and you find what suits you.

[redcrx]

the girl is 5, if she was 15 and behaving in such a manner then yes perhaps itd cause you to question how you may raise your child

At 5 children can be good as gold 90% of the time and sods law, the minute you have company, be little monsters. or completely the other way around.

all you can do with your own child is try and get them to understand the way that you would like them to be. But accept that they are individulas and will not always want to do things as youd like.

This may just have been a one off, as annie said. The child may be used to different types of restaurants and never goes out for a quiet meal with parents (not many children do except for family gatherings and often then have family around to entertain them)

If your child behaves like this on any occasion, and chances are they will as pretty much all kids do at some stage, i just hope no-one thinks of them as a rude brat.

Parenting doesnt come with an instruction book, and sometimes, no matter what you do, a child will behave exactly as they want to.

[Velvetee]

The problem is, she will be at my wedding soon and I know she will misbehave. She is the type of child who needs to be the centre of attention all the time and she will do wilfull things to get a reaction.

If she is told not to do something, like not to pick up her Granny's cut glass crystal, she will touch it and watch for a reaction, when she is told no, she will pick it up anyway. Is this normal behaviour?

My partner mentioned her behaviour to his mum today and apparently, she'd been given a can of coke before we met at the restaurant. If her parent's know this will rile her up, why would they give her such a product?

[pinktwink]

velv shes a child 5 year old and your wondering about the wedding she will be one of many and it seems she is an itelligent lass knows how to press buttons and get her needs met industrious. Try understandig her behaviour. Besidedes there will be times all children act up and you will need to start tryig to see beyound the behaviour if you are to understand children

[Velvetee]

Thanks Pink. It doesn't help that I'm not keen on children and I really can't endear towards her. She is like this all the time, not just on ocassions. (She scares me)

She will be the only child at the wedding, which will be a small affair. I really don't want her there, as I know she will ruin the day, as she won't be centre of attention, so will do something to get that attention. I know she is only 5, but I think she know's what she is doing. I've never encountered a child like her before.

[trt]

A good slap on the behind does a world of good to put them in place, and not let them think they are the centre of attraction.

We are becoming to soft these days of allowing children to rule the roost, we have to let them know that they cant just do what they want to do.

[pinktwink]

if your not keen o kids you will lear fast whe you have your ow. Besides could you give her some resposibility on the weddig day so she gets attention without demanding it, even a small task like minding something

[legendis.god]

Oh dear

steeplearning curve ahead for you im afraid.

Kids dont pop out well behaved and sitting there like a well trained pet.

I think you may be in for a rude awakening.
Children can be a product of their enviroment.



A lotto learn id say.


First thing to learn is patience .

ITS A VIRTUE BTW

[shanilisa]

I believe that children are a product of their environment. She has been allowed to behave this way by her parents and the "damage" is done. I have a friend with 2 children who are impossible in a restaurant, but she also does not discipline them. My son is 2,5 years old and will sit, eat his meal and colour in at the table. He has been taught that that is how to behave in a restaurant which does not have a play area.
As children, my sister and I would accompany my parents to "adult" restaurants and sit and eat our meals and then colour in or read (parents always brought something to distract us). We were taught that there is certain behaviour for certain situations. I also believe that restaurants that promote children running wild have created this problem for parents in other restaurants.

[redcrx]

no matter how you bring up a child there will ALWAYS be times when they will push their boundaries. Thats how children learn things themselves.

Youll soon realise that. they do it at every stage. from toddler to teen.

[Velvetee]

I think I agree with you Shanilisa. My parents always had a saying where children are concerned, "you have to bend the bough when it's young". Her parent's don't see theres anything wrong, so she will continue to behave like this.

[elaine33]

I am with trt and shanilisa on this one.

children need boundries, to know what is and is not acceptable behaviour, and be consistant.

[joannie10]

Good answer Shannilisa I agree with what you have said. My nieces and nephew are not angels all of the time but they know how to behave in situations like restaurants. Velvetee it worries me that you are not keen on children - I hope for the sake of your expected child that changes soon.

[tigersam258]

unfortunately raising children is not an exact science and so one method will work for some children and not for others. they are learning their world all the time so misbehaviour is just their way of testing the limits of their world. I am in agreement that the parents should try to control their children in a social environment from an early age otherwise the children will not learn the social skills rwquired to go through life. I suppose it is possible that they will probably be running one of our major banks, government department or presenting some TV programme in a few years!

[annie0000]

vevetee, I wouldn't worry about not liking children - can't say I am that keen myself. However, I do love my own two to bits and would do anything for them, and I have become strangley attached to some of their more lovable friends, but there are some kids that I just can't take to, and it is probably not their fault and I try not to let it show!!!

You will hopefully find that when your son is born and you start mixing with his friends, you will find that most of them are not that bad ;o)

[Velvetee]

I've met so many women who dislike other people's children, but adore their own. Too many people assume it's natural for women to go soppy over babies and children, but I've met few who are like that.

So Joannie, I'm not too worried, as I hope the way I raise my child will give him the guidance, love and boudaries that it seems many parents these days don't give their offspring.

[shanilisa]

Velvetee - I am also not a general lover of children. I do, however, adore my child and would do anything for him. I tend to find other people's children very taxing - even the sweet ones. I have never been one to go gaga over babies and am quite happy to let other people "pass the baby" at social gatherings. You will love your child with a ferocity that will suprise even you!