ranaway

[graceuk2006]

My daughter is 16 years old who ranaway a month ago. I do not know whether she would still come back and finish her college.She doesn't communicate with me at all and prefers to stay with her gang who are all bad influences to her. I don't know where to run for help. I wanted to bring her back to the Philippines to my sister, but she will lose her studies here and she might become more rebellious. I cannot go to her place now to fetch her because I know she will not go with me and her friends do not cooperate with me as well. I wanted to report to the police to inform I have a runaway child, but I don't know what assistance they could give me. I am not yet a permanent resident here and my children are all my dependants. Meaning, even she is 16 years of age which according to the UK law can leave their parents, she is still a Filipino holding a Philippine passport and she is my dependant only. I fear for her safety and security that's why all I want is for her to come back home.

[ummmm]

As harsh as it sounds there is nothing you can do. Just make sure she knows that she can come back to you and be there for her if she does.

At 16 kids can go off the rails with all the hormones racing round their bodies....

Lucky for me....my son went through this stage at 12 so I contacted social services who were a great help.

[graceuk2006]

I went to a police station but it was closed unfortunately, but there was a telephone beside the main door for use in case we need urgent help. I went there hoping to give me some help or advise, but instead the receptionist was rude in her attitude towards me. Instead of listening first to me so that I could relay my problem accurately,she started to interrogate me and said that she is not going to help me. How I wish I could report that. I just wanted for the safety of my child because i was informed by one of my friends there that my daughter together with her boyfriend and friends were drunk everyday,and went to pubs to drink alcohol and they might be also using drugs but, I'm not sure.She might also get pregnant at anytime.As a mother I have all these fears but I am very helpless really.If anyone among you out there who is a lawyer,advisor,or experienced in this problem of mine,could I hear something from you as I have no enough money to spend for getting advise from expensive lawyers. Thank you for your help.

[beryl100able]

How I feel for you. This happened to my daughter at 17, and she had a very rough ride but now at 25 is a pillar of the local community, married with children. As for the Philippines, if you can take her to one of the 40,000+ beautiful islands there, fine, but if you're just going to go to downtown Manila, then rebelliousness could be a major problem. Don't worry about her studies, that's the last thing to worry about. First she has to grow up, then the studies will follow. I wish I could have taken my daughter to another country, but it wasn't possible. She's lucky to have pulled through. Fortunately she never got into drugs or drink, I think that saved her.

[amanda6229]

I have two teenage daughters 18 and 19 years, so I have some experience of ddealing with rebelios behaviour. My advise to start off with would be to STOP.....take some time out, how did you both get to this point? rewind in your head what first triggered off this behaviour..don't just put it down to hormones..that's a cop out. Think back to when you were her age, and how you viewed life. If it's that she is hanging with the wrong crowd, and she has been for a while it could be too late to change that behaviour, being firm with her at an earlier point would more than likely be easier for you now. At 16 kids think they know everything...and they do. They know everything about nothing. I'm still learning, and in my experience take a step back for a small while, approach her with a fresh and open mind. Don't be hard on yourself. You are still learing, parenting doesn't come with a manual. Make time for you and her do some positive things together alone and with your family. Make her feel like it's her decision...and that she hasnt been pressured. I hope this helps, sometimes we try so hard we can lose our way.

[-Boo-]

let her be the one that hits rock bottom coz then she will come running back to you trust its happening with my sister when she hits it she will want your then and only then will you be there to help her x dont run around after her just leave her and she will learn its hard to it on your own and she will learn that she doesnt know anything x

[dothawkes31]

that's very good advice Boo.