Is it bad to be an only child?

[MissCommando]

As you can see, I've got a little girl (aged 3) and we absolutely love her to bits. She was very hard work as a baby (colic and a terrible sleeper) which caused me and my husband to argue a lot.
Everything is great between us now but I'm not sure I'd want to go through it all again. I know not all babies are hard work (don't get me wrong, I know babies cry etc) but I don't know if I could cope again.
I am still young/ish, I'm 23 and my husband is 27 but we're not sure if we want another child. I know she'd probably love a brother or a sister, she gets on so well with her 2 year old cousin.
At the moment, my husband can't work due to a health/mobility problem. We're not sure if it will ever get better so obviously that puts us off having another child. I'd also hate to have a huge age gap. So what I'd like to know is: are any of you an 'only child'? Or do any of you have just 1 child? If so, what's it like?
People often say to me "Don't just have one, cause only children are spoilt brats".
Thanks

[4getmenot]

I'll be very interested in what people have to say as my bloke only wants one child. I as a sibling to 3 enjoyed having older ones to look out for me and a younger sibling to pick on

[ganesh]

i waited a few years between my two as I didn't want to go through it all again (childbirth that is) but on the whole I think it's worth having two. There is always jealousy and stuff but I still think they grow up more balanced because of it.

[petal54]

i'm 1 of 2,wish there'd been others,less flack from the olds!

[cazzz1975]

my friend was an only child, once her mom and dad died she had no family left at all and a lot of the burden was left to her to sort out.

[joggerjayne]

I'm an only child (because my little brother didn't make it past babyhood), and I turned out fine.

And my friend, the invisible rabbit, agrees.

JJ
"Spoilt Brat"
Brighton, Obviously

[4getmenot]

but cazzz whether there is 1 or 5 there is always someone the parents rely on more. My mate was 1 of 2 and her mum died of cancer, her dad had heart attack and then her sister got run over, she was on her own from about 25

[Prudie]

I don't think you will get a general answer because we will all vary in our opinions. I only have one because her father made it clear he only wanted one as he thought more would tie us down (we split up anyway as it happened). One can't generalise by saying all only children are spoilt brats because that just isn't true. Certainly when she was younger it would have made it easier for me if she had siblings to play with but overall i don't regret it and I don't believe she does. I grew up with an older brother and to be honest he made my life hell.

[cazzz1975]

I agree 4get, not to mention that not all siblings become life long friends, so them being there for each other may not ever happen!

you have to do what you feel is right for your family miss c, there is not right amount of children and not having a menagerie will not make your child spoilt.

[ganesh]

If you don't want another one,then don't! You've got to really want a child,you shouldn't do it for social reasons. She's lovely,looks a bit like my daughter when she was 3.Don't worry,do what you feel is right for your family.

[smudge]

I can't say whether it's a bad thing or not MC, as I was one of 10 children & had a very loving, happy childhood.

However, I do remember us discussing whether or not to have another child when our eldest was a toddler. She was such a delightful little girl, who never seemed to cry & had a really lovely temperament.

One sunny morning, she was sitting on the doorstep happily chatting away to herself & that's when we thought it would be nice for her to have a little companion.

I'm so glad we did decide to, because our two daughters (3 years apart) are the very best of friends & love each other very much. They both have two chilren each now & they all have lots of fun times together.

Good luck with whatever you & your husband decide on.

[MissCommando]

lol JJ, you do make me laugh.
I know, ultimately it's up to us. I'm think I was hoping for positive 'only child' experiences. I am one of 3 (the oldest) and I must admit I couldn't imagine being an only child. I guess I could change my mind one day but for now, we're thinking she'll prob be an only child.
Thanks all for taking the time to answer everyone. Much appreciated x

[zzxxee]

i have 2 kids 6 year age gap so its kind of like having 2 only children as my daughter was at school when i had my youngest and was at home all day with my youngest as a baby

my best friend had really bad post natal depression after having her son hes 15 and an only child and a well balanced lovely lad not spoilt at all!!!

[jack daniels]

when myself & my husband had our 1st child after trying for a while, he was quite happy with just the one, however I had an incredible guilt of "what if something happened to the child? I'd never forgive myself for not having another"
Also the factor of I had a brother & sister & I didn't want the child to resent me for not 'giving' them a sibling.
We went on to have a second child & it was with him that we went to hell & back because he was born with a condition.......and to cut a long story short - he nearly died - it was devastating. Luckily he survived but we also at that time had the 1st child too (which would've been a blessing)
So for selfish reasons/guilt etc.... we had a 2nd child - mind you they don't get on well but it's better then what it used to be like.

Anna x

[jack daniels]

just want to add - don't regret having a 2nd child

[andy-hughes]

This is one of those Questions with as manyt answers as there are pebbles on a beach.

Everyone will give you an opinion, but it is just that - based on their own experiencce which may be good or bad.

I am the youngest - two older sisters, now aged fifty-six and sixty-three. They were fine growing up, and are very close now. I was not close to either, and haven't seen them for years, even though we all live close to each other - long story - so i can't point to siblings as a happy experience for me.

I inherited my two older daughters, and they were fourteen and twelve when their baby sister arrived. The older were fine as children, and are very close as adults - they are now thirty-five and thirty-three. Our youngest was, in many ways, and 'only one' growing up because of the age gap, although her sisters adored her, and she them, and now she is twenty-one, she is especially close to her older sister.

i think your daugter will be fine, with or without a sibling. Let's face it, we only grow up with our own circumstances, which are all we ever know, so the idea of transferring the experiences of others - even her parents - onto your little one is pointless.

If you love her and guide her, there is no reason why she will be a 'brat'.

As with anything to do with children - follow what you and your husband want, and close your ears to the 'advice' of others - in this situation, advice is only good for those who give it.

[smudge]

I agree with Andy - we would never have had a second child just because others did &/or encouraged us to do the same.

We talked about it, then decided it was right for us & our little girl at the time - still very glad we did. Love them both very much!

[aims1202]

I dont think it matters if you have lots of brothers and sisters or you are an only child, there are positives and negatives for both, i dont see how being an only child means you are spolit because being spoilt is to do with getting their way all the time and from parents giving in to their demands, or giving them evreything they want, this can happen with an only child or a child from any size family and doesnt have to happen just because you have one child. Personally i wanted more than one child, i have two and would love more, there is a five year gap between mine and its great, they are so lovely together and i have had time with them both individually. I also have two brothers and although at times i wanted to kill them i do have so many good memories of us all in our childhood and now we are very close and my kids adore them.Just do what you want and ignore negative things others say, i'm sure your daughter will be fine whatever you decide, she is still very young and you might change your mind when she's a bit older.

[jackthehat]

I'm an only child, my dad is an only child and my son is an only child.

I've never considered that any of us are spoiled...........it's very simplistic argument to make.

[Jules73]

I only have one child - he is definitely not spoilt, nor a brat! He's very sensible, polite and shares - unlike many other children I know! Do what's right for your family - it's the way you bring them up that detemines how they turn out. I know plenty of people that only have one child and they've turned out fine.