Clingy babies - do they cry 'to get their own way' or are they genuinely upset?

[tigwig]

My little babe is very clingy at the moment and since our holiday, he won't even go to my mum who is was absolutely fine with before. I know this is seperation anxiety and believe he is really upset and just wants to go to the person who he loves the most and is secure with, ie me! But my tougher sister thinks he cries just to get his own way and stops when I take him as he's got what he wants. He's just 6mths old, how can he know to cry to get his own way? What do others think?

[cazzz1975]

he may be clingy and cranky especially if he has teeth coming through or is feeling a bit under the weather

[woofgang]

sorry i don't think he lays there thinking. "I want Mum to stay, gonna cry now"
By go to do you mean be held by or go to for care while you work? If he doesn't want to be held by her then I would let it go. Pretty soon he'll find Mum boring and want other people again.

[sophie_1003]

Of course he cries to get his own way, that's the only thing he can do to get his way! If he's crying because he wants some cuddles then of course he's going to stop when you pick him up! If he's hungry and cries and you feed him does your sister have the same reaction? A feeling of security is a basic need and you shouldn't feel guilty for providing the comfort he needs to feel secure.

[andy-hughes]

I'm with sophie. Babies at this age cry to express all their needs, and i fail to see why a tiny baby 'getting his own way' is a problem. Children up to the age of about three are totally egocentric, and want what they want when they want it, but there is plenty of time when they are able to understand, to educate them that they cannot always have what they want.

To me, denying a crying baby is cruel. The old notion that they are 'exercising their lungs' is rubbish - babies cry for a reason, sort the reason, stop the crying. It's not rocket science, but it is loving parenting.

[LoftyLottie]

Agree with the above. I would never leave a baby to cry. It's just plain cruel. They have no other way to express themselves. Happy content baby - happy content parent. Babies are demanding of our time and we should be prepared for it.

[joeluke]

Pick up a baby every time they cry is making a rod for your own back - they soon know that every time they cry they will be picked up

[woofgang]

Okay, you are an adult in a loving relationship. Something is wrong and you want your partner's attention. partner ignores you on the basis that if I take notice now, I am making a rod for my own back.......how would that make you feel?

[ummmm]

I don't agree Joe. I picked up my kids everytime they cried and they were contented kids most of the time. You just can't know what's up with them. It could be something as simple as an itch to being in pain.

[joeluke]

woofgang....I don't cry to get my partners attention

Ignoring a crying baby is no bad thing, what I was saying was that you shouldn't pick them up the instant they start crying, leave them a short while and if they are still crying THEN pick them up. Sometimes if you leave them they soon 'cry themselves to sleep'

[ummmm]

It depends.....if they cry everytime you put them to bed, then yes, they should be left to cry for a bit.

[woofgang]

I didn't say that you did cry to get your partner's attention...as has been pointed out, all the baby has is a cry.

[aims1202]

I believe the more you cuddle and hold your baby the more secure and content they will be, its normal at this age and he just needs extra reassurance and cuddles and he will soon be fine again, like others said it is cruel to leave a baby crying for longer than a few minutes, you dont need to instantly rush when he cries but respond to his crying by talking at first and then picking up if he needs it. you could try reassuring him with words as you hand him to your mum and keep doing this while she has him so he knows you think its ok for him to go to her. At this age you might see him look at you when he meets someone new, he's checking you think this person is ok. if he cries when you leave the room keep coming back all happy and with positive words and expression even if he's upset. Then he'll learn you come back and its ok for mum to leave for a bit sometimes.