Do you think a 19mth child knows right from wrong?

[tigwig]

My friend who has always being overly soft with her only little boy and lets him get away with murder doesn't think he understands the word no. I was with her earlier today and he repeatedly kept climbing up onto the coffee table and messing with all the things he shouldn't, like turning the plug sockets on and off. No matter what he did my friend barely says the word no to him and justifies his behaviour that he doesn't understand. It's like shes scared to tell him off because she doesn't want him to have a tantrum but I think the opposite. He needs firmly telling in an age appropriate way of course that this is wrong and I can't understand why she doesn't do this. What do others think? Am I being too harsh or are parents just too soft today with their kids?

[Count-A-Strong]

Just because you've seen one child act in this way, I think it's a bit of a sweeping generalisation to ask whether all parents are too soft.

[mrs_overall]

It sounds like the mother and the toddler both need a slap.

[pastafreak]

She had better start telling him....and soon. The only way he will learn is by associating what he does with what his mum says,and her tone of voice. If she says nothing-of course he won't know the meaning of 'no'. Does she think he will suddenly twig when she uses the 'no' word for the first time when he's 5??

[Sqad]

olive......absolutely correct.

[mrs_overall]

Sqad, of course I'm right - I'm female

[ChocolatChip]

Depends on how you look at it. Technically in a science and developmental stage way, no he doesn't understand the idea of right and wrong, I don't think they start to learn this properly till about 3-5 years old (from what I remember from child development lessons!)
But there wouldn't be any harm in trying to teach him 'right and wrong' because if she doesn't start then he will never ever learn.

[I.Don No]

children should be taught discipline right from the word go, and by discipline I do not mean physical punishment.

Children need boundaries at all ages. They need to know what is acceptable and what is not and they are far happier when they know the rules.

What I have written so far makes me sound like a right old dragon, but what I really mean to say is that if the child does A then the parent always follows up with B. (If A is good behaviour then B is a treat of some form even something as quick as a word of praise....and if A is unacceptable behaviour then B should be an appropriate punishment...maybe a 'do that again and you wont be allowed to place on your playstation today)

Parents should never be afraid to say no to their children, after all when the child grows up not everyone will say yes to them. Being a parent is the hardest job I have ever done, but you must always remember that being a parent is not trying to win a popularity contest. The child must always be aware of who is the child and who is the parent in their relationship.

Praising a child is a great thing to do and the parent and child both feel brilliant afterwards, but that does not mean that the child should not be chastised for bad behaviour because the parent may feel guilty afterwards, especially if the child cries. If the punishment is fair and comes from a loving parent then the child will understand.

Parenthood and guilt go together....it is like that because that is the way it is.

parenthood is the most physically and emotionally challenging job you will ever do, and fortunately it comes with the greatest rewards of anything you will ever do in your life.

[Southern_K]

Personally, I don't think you are harsh at all. a smack on the wrist and the word "no" should suffice, but I also believe in rewarding for them doing a good thing, that can be a tool to help them in the right direction

[saxy_jag]

He probably doesn't actually understand that it's wrong to mistreat other people's possessions in this way, nor that it's 'wrong' because it's potentially dangerous, but he should be learning that mother doesn't want him to do it. How she achieves that (or not, as the case may be) is an emotive matter.

When mine were that age, a slapped hand or a sharp word when they did things I didn't want them to were enough to stop them. Eventually they learnt that, for example, climbing onto coffee tables wasn't such a good idea and the best way not to be punished is not to do it. The method has been good enough for generations of human and animal parents with no ill effect (that's as long as it's used sensibly - I'm not condoning physical abuse here).

But of course today you aren't supposed to smack children, even lightly, and you aren't supposed to snap, swear or shout at them. Now, I used to know a nursery school teacher who never, in all the time I knew her, raised her voice at or showed anger towards her charges, yet they always knew when they'd done something wrong and when she wasn't pleased with them. She just had that knack. Not everyone can be like that, though, no matter how hard they try. So their children just get away with everything because they no other legal way of disciplining them.

[Jane_32]

As saxy said a lightly smacked hand speaks volumes. Eventually you get to a point where just a certain look will stop whatever the child is doing.

[matty2112]

Shoot the kid,problem solved.

[boxtops]

19 months is certainly not too young to learn what should or should not be done. Our great-niece is eighteen months, gets into everything, but certainly knows when she's overstepped the mark.

[slinky.kate]

is your friend watching him properly'turning plug sockets on and off'climbing on coffee tables etc.what if he gets hurt????does.' she' know right from wrong??

[Jane_32]

A bit extreme matty!

[espookid]

I always treated my sons as though they were adults ,I couldn't say to them don't do that -because I am your father -I had to have a reason .I also gave them the chance to question my decision , after a short time ,which of course they did and sometimes I would change my mind rto show them we are all not perfect