Calling all mothers - how helpful are your husbands at parenting?

[MissCommando]

I feel like I'm quite lucky as my husband is and always has been a very hands on dad. He had so much more patience with our daughter when she was screaming with colic as a baby and much better at settling her etc. When she was 5 months old, I went back to work (had to for money) and worked every other weekend. He was more than happy/capable looking after her. On the weekends I didn't work, he'd sometimes take our daughter out for an hour so I could have a nice bath or extra bit of time in bed or whatever.

He's always been fantastic. He is now disabled and still does more with our daughter (who's 3) than my brother in law who has a 2 year old and 6 month old. My brother in law does nothing at all with his children - wouldn't dream of changing a nappy, never ever gives his wife a break from the children on a weekend, will not even put a bottle on to heat. She asked him one morn to bath their baby and he went on the laptop instead. Infact he's never been on his own with his kids EVER! I think it's an absolute disgrace as when you have children, I think both the mother and father should be equally responsible for helping out with childcare (especially on a weekend).

When my sister in law was due to give birth (have a planned c section with her 2nd), we went to look after their 2 year old for a few days. My husband and I noticed how my brother in law would plan lifts back from the hospital etc so he wouldn't have to look after his own 2 year old.

My husband rings me everyday to see how our daughter is/got off to school etc. He is such a doting daddy and my daughter idolises him. I think it's lovely.

So how helpful are your husbands with childcare? Sadly, a few women in my family do around 98% of the 'childcare'.

P.S My husband was working full time when our daughter was born etc.

[cazzz1975]

is that like when women call their husbands "the old man"

[Bobbisox]

my ex did sod-all and thats why he's an ex :-(
but I suppose he provided because he was never out of work...
and there was no deal in it like Mr and Mrs Sqad,,,just a spoilt pig who was waited on by his Mother!!!

[McMouse]

Some men take naturally to the domestic scene and others don't. A good friend of mine would always delay leaving the office in the evening so to avoid "all that baby feeding and bathing stuff". He was a good provider who loved his wife and kids but just didn't see housework and child care as his department.

[Sqad]

gingebee....I am polite on AB by calling her the wife............I normally call her the"old lady" but AB would blow a gasket.

It is a term of endearance particularly to mrs Sqad and myself which I have always used ecxept on AB, for reasons given above...........we both understand it, like it and neither of us could care a t0ss about what other people think.

gingeebee....I think that explains my position.

[gingejbee]

Yes it does. Guess I'm too much of a "new man" to comment on this subject!

[ummmm]

You wouldn't want to know what I call my OH then...

Ginger pudding is quite mild...but it is a term of endearment :-)

[ummmm]

Not pudding...lol..we can't use '@' in t w a t now..

[DEN53]

gingejbee - I think on AB we all use different names for our OH - old man - old lady - Mr/Mrs ........ etc etc - so as to keep their identity secret, can't see the problem really.

I thought Sqad referred to Mrs. Sqad as Sugar T!ts, but perhaps thats when he is on a promise (:0 )

[Sqad]

Den..LOL

[Sqad]

vibra...very well done (am I allowed to say that?)

[Sqad]

vibra....I didnt know that you were separated/ divorced..............well now!

[Sqad]

vibra...LOL..their loss, not yours.

[wolf63]

Sexist though it may be - but I think that guys out shopping with their little daughters is cute. Going into Clare's to buy a trashy hair 'thing' is a sign of love!

[Bobbisox]

especially mine :-0(

[annie0000]

When my eldest was a baby, I had to go back to work and he was with a childminder, but outside of that we both cared for him and the housework, when we found out no 2 was on the way - my husband gave up work and looked after my eldest from 10 months old and then the 2nd when he was born after I went back to work. Leaving him with two babies! When I was home we shared the work and when he worked part time, I had the kids while he worked and vice-versa. He went back full time when they both went to school. We have always shared everything as far as possible - During the week I finish in time to collect them from school so do more of the childcare, but he will take them out swimming or something at the weekend while I catch up on housework or whatever, neither of us has any problem looking after them - although he has got a bit more out of the habit now that I do all the packed lunches etc, as he now claims he has no idea what they like on their sandwiches! Cant complain though as he does all the ironing and is responsible for keeping the kitchen dining room and utility areas clean and tidy and that includes dishwasher responsibility!

I think times have changed now and fathers are expected and want to do more in their childrens lives.

Is your BIL genuinely lazy, or does he just feel out of his depth with small children and feels uncomfortable about admitting it and learning what to do?

[MissCommando]

Hi annie - sounds like you've got a fair deal with your husband.

My brother in law is very lazy and selfish. When his wife had her 1st caesarean, he would sit and watch her struggle carrying the baby bath in and emptying it. Admittedly, he does work long hours (although he could start earlier to get home earlier) but he'd rather stay in bed. She has to get up with both the kids during the night and get up with them both in the mornings.

There are many other stories about things he's done/not done. Not so long back SIL came to stay with her mum with the 2 children while her husband finished the kitchen (she was away for a week) and when she got back, he hadn't bought any fresh milk (she asked him and he said he'd get a few bits in), there was washing up from when she went away and the house was so filthy/dusty and his dirty clothes scattered through the house.

I know she's not really happy with him, she wishes he'd do more but if she says anything to him, he turns on the waterworks so it makes her feel guilty. She cooks every night of the week and he doesn't even wash up so she has to do it in the mornings. He does nothing!

I'd divorce him if he was my husband, that's for sure! lol