My Daughter's Father won't see our daughter!!

[Poppy85]

This is my 1st time on this site as a friend recommended it to me as I am going through a rough time at the mo.
I have a 5 year old daughter with my ex partner but he doesnt seem interested in her at all. I have tried so many times to get him to see her but he seems far more interested in his 'new family'. My daughter now seems to except the fact her father is like this but it is so wrong. We have been to court so many times but since his son has been born he seems to have lost all interest in our daughter!!
Is anyone else going through this, I dont know what more I can do.
Thanks

[Poppy85]

I dont understand either - He has actually told me before that his girlfriend & their son are his family now & he needs to consentrate on them & make sure they are happy. - Thinking about it makes me feel sick, my poor lil girl

[Bobbisox]

what does your partner think of this Poppy
this first bloke is dick-head to be sure

[whiskeryron]

Poppy, as other people have said your daughter has a lovely daddy, the b*****d who has abandoned her is not worth being in the shadow she will cast as she grows into a beautiful woman as I know she will, I only wish I had a doll with his photo on it & a dozen pins.
You can see how angry I am. Good luck to you & your fella & your gorgeous little girl. Ron.♥♥

[Poppy85]

He has never got invloved, as regards to having a go at him etc, he has always been poliet when he seems him for the sake of my daughter & has always encoraged my daughter to see her dad but I think he has had enough too now & doesnt like seeing her hurting - He is an amazing man & adordes me & my daughter so anything that hurts us, hurts him!

[Poppy85]

Thanks Ron

[bednobs]

as has been said before, it sounds like YOU are more affected/upset by this rather than her, so if your main concern is her as you say, don't worry about it, , just carry on your lives as if he dosen't exist.
I don't mean to be rude, but you seem a bit miffed on your behalf rather than hers, and if that is the case, you need to get over it for her sake :) of course i could well be reading it wrong

[andy-hughes]

I can only repeat and reinforce the other posts Poppy - your current partner is Dad, and that's the role that matters - I know!

When we got married, my wife and i had another daughter, and I have always treated them exactly the same, and i get very cross if anyone tries to say that they are in any way different - they are - but that's something i canb't alter, I just make sure it never matters.

As far as the 'name' issue - does it matter what your daughter's name is really? our older two chose to keep their father's name, having a different name from their parents and their sister never bothered them. My eldest daughter was married and had a daughter, and then a son with her new partner, and again the 'name' issue came up. i reminded her that she never bothered, and sure enough, her children don;t either.

Names are not an issue for children - love, security and support are - and that is where you score as a family, and your ex misses out - although he won't see it until it is too late.

[albaqwerty]

On reflection, I wonder if the idiot is one of those "men" who prefer sons over daughters?

It's still his loss tho.

Ron your anger has emanated through my screen, I so agree with you.

[Poppy85]

thanks andy, you are so right, just dont want her feeling left out! Especialy if we have more children which we hope too

[Poppy85]

When we were told we were having a girl when I was pregant he was over the moon as said he always wanted a girl - I think it his new partner as she seems to be very controlling & I dont think she likes my daughter around & see's her as compation

[Poppy85]

* competition

[albaqwerty]

Could be Poppy. Maybe she's jealous and insecure. Jealous of him having had a previous relationship. Previous relationships, however, make us who we are for the next person to come along and love us :)

Come on here and have a rant at anytime, you can see we're nice folks (well, most of the time we are)

[HJT40]

Hi Poppy,

My daughters father ignored her existance until she was 4 - and it was me who initiated seeing her, Your problem is a similar one to mine.

He did see her every week for a couple of hours, then when he got married had her overnight, one night a week, and dropped her back first thing in the morning. This went on until she was 15. He saw her boxing day 2009 and she never heard from him for 6 months. He tells his family he phones, but she doesn't answer........the truth being he doesn't even have her mobile number.

It is a long way of saying that, if your daughter accepts that she is not seeing him, I would not force anything. I have always said that I will not lie to my daughter about what happened, but I don't need to tell her anything she has made her own mind up and is alot happier not seeing him and being told how brilliant her little brother is. Of course she misses her little brother, but the day will come when our girls are old enough, if they wish, to confront their fathers themselves. And we will be in the knowledge that we have done everything for our girls and they will make us proud and the fathers will not be able to say that.

Don't fret for your daughter, just be the wonderful mum that you are and enjoy the time you have with her. Leave him to his own life, he is the only one who will regret it - honest!

[Poppy85]

Thanks albaqwerty feels good to get it off my chest, feel alot better. Families are so complicated these days - My daughter could be alot worse off though, at least see has us :)

[HJT40]

I have got married, and my daugher, changed her surname to his. There is no reason why your new man cannot be her daddy and a more deserving one. Biological fathers are not always better than those who chose to accept and love a child who is not theirs.

You say she deserves better than her father, she has better!

Fret no more Poppy, live, love and be happy - all three of you.

[Poppy85]

HJT40 our stiuations do sound very simular. He is the one missing out big time, she is a star & is a joy to be around - Its very sad any parent wouldnt want to know its own

[Poppy85]

How did you cahnge her name without her 'fathers' permisson??

[albaqwerty]

oh HJT, you must have gone ithrough pain (as well as your daughters). However, you are right, you can proudly say you have raised them. (It must be so difficult to not diss the father tho, I've had to bite my tongue on a few occasions and we've been married for 24 years and have 2 kiddies together!!)

Huge emotional pain which I cannot imagine.

[HJT40]

Poppy - it was easy for me, he denied her existance so he was not on the birth certificate. I did it by deed poll. From what you say I can't see him not agreeing to a change of name if he is not that bothered with her. But I did not see if you are married, you may want to wait until you get married so that you can all have the same name?

I really would not bother wasting anymore time or energy even thinking about him. Our life is so much better now, but I don't regret the time I spent trying to get them to bond. I now see him for what he is. I also know that his family all know different versions of how she came to be.............. Start now Poppy, leave him in the past, maybe your little girl would like to call your partner Daddy? Have you ever asked........ and they all lived happily ever after from today,

[Poppy85]

She calls them both Daddy whcih I didnt know if it was a wrong thing to do but she decided it for herself. She calls one Daddy ****** & one Daddy ****. He has already said he wont agree to a name change in the past (I think just to be difficult) but no matter what he cant stop us being a proper loving family - we dont need him anymore - Just hope my daughter will grow up & understand I tried my best!