So, why can't I stop crying?

[kat2206]

I was with my ex for 6years, during the last year we were together he had an affair whilst I was arranging our wedding. I found out in September and left him.

He has moved on now with HER and, I too, have now found a new man and things are going very well, he treats me with so much love, respect etc..

However, THE wedding date is looming, next Saturday, and whilst I do not love my ex anymore it still hurts knowing that we would be getting married in a weeks time if he hadn't been unfaithful, so why am I so upset, hurt all over again, I cry at the drop of a hat.

It just feels like the time when I found out about the affair, so hurt but I don't understand why I am feeling this way as I am so much happier now than I was during that awful time.

[boxtops]

It sounds as if you havebn't had time to grieve properly over the loss of your earlier plans, kat - but count your blessings that you found out before the wedding, not afterwards.

Have you had a chance to talk your feelings through with your new man? He must be very confused if you are still so upset, even though you don't want man 1 anymore - but it's your sense of betrayal that is still getting to you. Try to think of it postively - today you could have been tying yourself up to an adulterer. He obviously didn't think enough of you if he was having an affair with someone else.

You are well shot of him. Put your chin up, and move on - you're better than that.

[Prudie]

Because you haven't got over it completely and the wedding date looming is a marker. I am still very troubled over a break-up nearly 12 years ago even though my current relationship of 11 yrs is the best I've ever had. I don't understand it either but think I should have had some help at the time to come to terms with it.

[Sqad]

\\\ today you could have been tying yourself up to an adulterer. He obviously didn't think enough of you if he was having an affair with someone else.\\\

LOL LOL oh! dear oh! dear.

[kat2206]

Thank you Boxtops, yes, I have spoken to P about how I'm feeling and he is so supportive, he knows I'm not upset because I miss the cheating git, it's just that I can't seem to put it into the right words of how I am feeling, if that makes any sense.

[bagpuss63]

I get upset easily also, and you have reason too, but think about it this way, 1, you could have been jilted or cheated on anyway, i presume he didnt want you to find out. 2, you have a new man, enjoy him, and don't let him see you upset or it could be the end. (if he knows reason) All the best

[bagpuss63]

sorry, slow typer

[kat2206]

Hi Bagpuss, no he didn't want me to find out, in fact after she had rang me, he did tell me that if I hadn't had the phone call from her then he would have carried on and married me whilst still seeing her 3/4 days a week (he was playing "golf").. That obviously made my mind up to get out of it as he had no remorse whatsoever for what he did.

[starone]

I would be crying about the time I wasted with a cheating completely nasty person. But cry until you have no tears left and with any luck you will feel better after. Good that you have a new man who is supportive. Keep thinking of him and no-one else.

[nannybooby]

Your ex was a large part of your life and it is still posible to be sad or angry over a situation or feeling that they evoke in you.I got really angry and upset when my daughter got married and had her 2 children , I was so angry and sad that her father had died from alchol abuse and would never see them.

[sandrina]

Be thankful you found out in time and remember "The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears".

Be happy in your new life!

[Sqad]

///So, Why Can't I Stop Crying?///

You will get all sorts of psychosexual answers to your question. but the basic reason is.......because you are a woman and that is what women tend to do faced with this sort of adversity.

So it is a normal response and you still would prefer life with him.

\\\\ I too, have now found a new man and things are going very well, he treats me with so much love, respect etc.. \\\\

Maybe! maybe! but there are no guarantees in life which is basically a gamble.

Stop "blubbing " to your new man or you will lose him too.

[kat2206]

Sqad, I don't "blub" to my new man, at all and for your comment with regards to thinking that I still want my ex is wholly inaccurate, whether or not I had met my man is relevant also as I was more than happy to start a new life on my own without a man in my life. Maybe your post was to get a rise, if so, bad taste mate!

[planeloco]

Hi Kat, I hope that I am wrong ! BUT it appears that you may still have feelings for your EX Love-Rat.
For the sake of your future happiness TRY VERY HARD to forget your EX & put EVERYTHING into your future marriage / husband.
If it helps why not phone the SAMARITANS, they are so wonderful & NON Judgemental, whilst they will not advise, they will listen & the more you talk about your situation, the clearer things will become, THIS IS A PROMISE as I was in a very similar position many years ago, I phoned the Sams & here I am into a 20 year marriage as happy as the day we got married. I am SO-SO Lucky !!
Please give SAMS a try & Best Wishes for YOUR Future Happiness.

[kat2206]

Sorry, is *irrelevant. Please excuse bad spelling, iPad seems to type predictive text.

[Sqad]

kat.......no, my post was just my opinion.

[kat2206]

Hi Planeloco, I don't have feelings for the ex at all, I am more tha happy in my new life, my new man etc but I couldnt understand as to why I am/was feeling upset, hurt still with the wedding date coming up in a weeks time... Maybe it's the "what if" factor?

[boxtops]

That's a bloke perspective, sqad, which is why I said to kat that her current man must be feeling quite confused. I think the rest of us understand where kat's coming from, particularly if we've been in similar situations at some time in the past :-)

[Sqad]

boxy

\\\\That's a bloke perspective, sqad\\\

So of little or no relevance?

[China Doll]

To be honest I don't really understand why you can't stop crying. To me it sounds like you do miss him to a certain extent and perhaps are not quite ready to move on. I've read the answers from other people and I do find it difficult to understand how a break up from several years ago could still cause unhappiness. I've no interest in any of my exes or what they're up to, whether we had a good realationship or if they cheated on me or what could have been, to me they're relationships that didn't work out and finished. I'm now very happy with the person I'm with but suspect if I'd not met him I'd still be single, I was never unhappy being single.

If you only split up last September after six years then I might venture an opinion that it is too soon for you to be in another realtionship as you've had no chance to get over the previous, six years is a long time. It would be for me anyway. I always had quite a few years being single after I broke up with someone and I think that's probably why I don't really care about previous relationships or partners. I only care about the relationship I have now.

I would also not be as patient as your other half if my partner started blubbing about an impending marriage date from an old relationship. It would make me feel second best and I would dump the partner. Probably doesn't say much about me but I would think that they had not sufficently gotten over a past relationship to be in one with me.

[boxtops]

sqad, no, not at all, but you sound dismissive - but I do agree with china's last para, OH said the same - if he's the new guy, you'd be a bit miffed if someone was still upset about the breakup from the previous chap. It sounds to me as if Kat still has grievance issues to resolve.