Personal Question

[phleb]

My hubby hasn't been properly intimate with me for a few months now. He will instigate spooning when i nod off and wakes me. It seems he waits for me to sleep. I asked him what the issue is and he says i am fat i don't turn him on. I am only a stone heavier and i am aware of this and will lose it, in process this minute.

My question is, if one loves someone, does it make a difference whether the person has gone fat, slim, etc?

Men do you feel this way when your wife's/girlfriends have put on a little 'winter' weight?

Apologies for the personal question.

[Purple_Popple]

If you genuinely love someone then it doesn't matter what size they become, however, there would be a concern for their health if it was excessive, but I certainly wouldn't love my partner any less if they put on weight.

[Mamyalynne]

Oh dear, I know you asked him the question but that's a very hurtful statement.

I don't think a few pounds or a stone would change how you cared for someone at all.

[woofgang]

I hope he stays perfect all his life!

[melv16]

Have you tried anything to turn him on?

[Svejk]

Not very nice is it. Still, if you will marry a George Clooney lookalike,,,,,,,,,

[Prudie]

phleb it's difficult to answer this without being hurtful but if you (man or woman) love someone you wouldn't have said this in the first place even if you perhaps don't find them as physically attractive as you used to. It was a horrible thing to tell you.

[Retrochic]

phleb how awful for you. Gaining 1 stone is hardly any weight -maybe a dress size. If you love someone you love then for whats inside not outside. What is he going to do when you get old? I can only speak for myself but feel there may be other issues and a 'proper' talk may be needed. He may be having problems.erectile dysfunction, and is blaming you rather than addressing the real issues.

[Stephen_G]

I'd tell him to go spoon the Cat on the Couch!

I don't think I'd sympathise with him even if he was used to speaking his mind.

[yogi-bear]

In answer to your question, phleb, if my wife were to/did put weight on and she has in our 23 years of marriage especially when expecting our four children ...it wouldnt/didnt bother me in the slightest.
Ask Mr phleb what makes him say that....perhaps spice up your activies....nice outfit and maybe a thong for mr phleb, you know that sort of thing. :)

Good Luck, my lovely x

P.s i bet you look cuddly and fine.

[Huderon]

In a word, no. Makes no difference to me at all, though I have always preferred a woman to have a bit of padding - snuggling up to one who is stick thin was, I found, an uncomfortable experience.

Lose the weight then see if things go back to normal. If they don't he's fibbed about the why and you can then set about finding out why he really isn't displaying the same interest as before.

[sherrardk]

Have you gained confidence in some other area of your life? Maybe become more organised since you've had the baby? He could be jealous that you are managing and he's trying to 'cut you down to size'. I just think he is being a mean git (sorry, I know that's not exactly helpful).

[Cloverjo]

I agree with Retro. I had typed out almost the same reply before I lost my connection.
It sounds like he has the problem. Saying such a thing to you and only touching you when you're turned away from him - and asleep! - is not on. You need to talk. I'd also tell him to sleep somewhere else until he can treat you and your body with a bit more respect.

[DTCwordfan]

I'd sit on his face....

No seriously, are you two talking as you should, does he romanticize you and vica versa - how about a weekend away - just the two of you......?

Am extra pound or three should not matter, it's both your personalities and communication that counts.

[Dee Sa]

this man of yours is a tactless twit, as a couple we both put on weight over the years and laughed about it, I called him Chief Stout and he called me Stoutie both were said with affection, sadly he is no longer in this world.
Loose weight if it suits you to do so not because of a nasty remark, talk to him and ask him what is the real problem, has he just said this to stop you in your tracks ? or to give him time to think up another excuse. Sorry to ask but are you happy in this marriage ? if not find yourself a man who loves you for yourself and does not criticise you.

[phleb]

He is into keeping fit and eating healthy. I dress well, am very organised and look great according to everyone, but him. I have put on weight, but didn't want to go down to size 10 too quickly so have relaxed a bit about it. When i lose the weight he is a little more attentive, not much though. It seems he doesn't like to see my face so tries it from behind. I relate to Kerry katona who's husband used to put her down and have sex with her when she was facing the other way. She has since met someone else and is happier. I go on the exante diet and lose loads, then i maintain my weight loss. he then tells me my clothes are too revealing or tight and dress is too short etc..never a compliment. He is basically a prat!

[woofgang]

Sorry but why stay with a man who abuses you?

[mazie]

Why are you staying with a Prat? Do you love him?

[phleb]

Well,i have tried to spice things up. The other night i came down dressed in lovely lingerie and heels, he was sat on his laptop. I sat next to him, and a few minutes later he got up and started packing his laptop away and before leaving he said make sure you switch everything off. Nothing else! then in bed, once i had changed into my pjs, feeling humiliated, he was pottering about looking in the mirror etc, i just lay in bed with my kindle. He was talking to me normally, but failed to notice i dressed up for him. I even bought him a sex toy and that made him laugh said he isn't into that. i felt rubbish.

[phleb]

I have no where to go, and last time i packed the kids cried and refused to budge, i cant go without them.

[phleb]

I hope one day something happens which makes him think about what he has put me through.