Photo's of another girl!

[LouBoo]

My girlfriend doesn't want me to have any contact with this other girl I had a bit of a 'thing' with before we got together (altho myself and this other girl were never an item).
My girlfriend wants me to cut all contact with this other girl (even though shes a good mate now), wants me to remove all photo's I have of her - I only have pictures of her in group shots anyway - and basically completely erase her from my life.

Is this fair? Or do you sympathise? I have no feelings for this other girl anymore and whats in the past is in the past as far as I'm concerned. What should I do?

[Drusilla]

Your girlfriend is being unreasonable and petty. I would suggest you put your foot down and say no to her demands. This type of jealousy can make you feel adored at the beginning of a relationship, but in six months time, her insecurity and suspicions will have you pulling your hair out. Take care with this one.

[neathgirl]

Obviously your girlfriend sees this other girl as a major threat - even though there is nothing going on between you. I guess its a question of faith and trust in you and ur relationship. My theory has always been that if someone is going to cheat in a relationship they will go ahead and do it regardless of the boundaries or control the other party puts on them. NOT that i am saying you are going to do this but your girlfriend should trust in you enough to know that would not do anything ``inappropriate`` with this girl.

i think drusilla is right - her insecurities however small they seem at present will only intensify further down the line. Its best to nip this in the bud now and reassure your girlfriend that nothing will go on wi this other girl and that she has to trust in you, otherwise where will this end? - will her jealousy become so overpowering that at sum point in the future you wont be ``allowed`` any friends? xx

[suzi-q]

This is difficult because to a certain extent I sympathise with your girl.

My husband still has his wedding photo album from his previous marriage (which was over many years ago). Also he has a few photos of past girlfriends. I was upset when I saw one photo - the girl was absolutely beautiful - and Im just your average looking girl.

But having said that I think he has a right to his past, his memories etc and although I wouldnt want the photos on show or want to look at them myself I dont mind them being shoved in a corner.

So although it is a bit upsetting, particularly if your girl has had a bad experience or is very insecure I dont feel anyone has the right to demand that you get rid of the photos. But I would tread carefully if you are intending to have the girl as a mate. Try to include your girlfriend in the friendship and not make it something you do without her.

If you can reassure her that its her you love and you have no intention of re-kindling anything with the other girl. Just be really open and honest about it. The trouble is although this may seem like a small thing, it could become a huge problem if your girl is jealous everytime you look at or speak to another woman.

I have to fight my inner demons to stop this happening when my husband receives emails etc from ex-es as I am naturally jealous and a bit insecure myself. I just tell myself that its me hes with and the others didnt work out and Im not here to give him a hard time.

Do you end up in furious rows about this?

[atolhurst]

I'm afraid I sit on the other side of the fence on this one as I have been in the same situation.

If this girl has been a friend of yours for a long time and you just happened to have a little thing along the way, then that's one thing - no partner should put you in a position to make you cut contact with a friend. "Her or me" ultimatiums don't usually do relationships a lot of good.

However, if the basis of your relationship (friendship or otherwise) with this other girl was just this 'thing' then there's no reason for you to stay in touch, if you no longer have any interest in persuing a relationship. If you do, then you shouldn't be with your current gf anyway. perhaps you should ask yourself why you want to stay in touch - if it's because she's a good friend, perhaps try and integrate your girlfriend into things and see how that goes.

I would have thought your girlfriend does feel threatened. I certainly did when I came across exes in my bf's past. For me, the reasons for this are the obvious physical comparrision, the worry that said 'thing' might try and rekindle something (regardless of whether you would be interested or not) and the fact that you no longer have feelings for this person (or at least you shouldn't do) so why have contact with them?

With regard to the photo - the fact that it's a group photo rather than a single one of her, muddies the water slightly. But I can see where you gf is coming from. Perhaps you have other photos of the other people in this particular photo you can put up instead.

Ultimately, as far as I'm concerned, exes are part of the past, and that is where they should stay. You may or may not agree with that outlook but it sounds like she thinks like that so it's probably best to talk through the topic now with her, and see if/how you can progress.

[suzi-q]

How would you feel if your partner received emails from previous wife then?. My husband fessed up that his ex often emailed him. Chatty emails asking after me too, but I didnt know about it until he told me. Now I must admit it doesannoy me a bit - I get quite p***d off when I think about it.

He doesnt see her, talk to her or have any feelings for her. Theyve been divorced for years. She has a new partner and is shortly to get married. We got married last summer. So it is all in the past. I just try not to think about it.

You cant own someone can you? Even though Im a jealous person and my 1st husband was a serial cheater I try very hard not to put the pain and insecurities of the past onto my lovely new husband.

[laurence2]

one word TRUST.if no trust theirs no relationship, as for the photos/contact you've guessed it TRUST. saying that their are obviously jealousy/insecurity issues but you have to put your reassuring head on for her hope all works out well.

[Shire]

I think your current girlfriend is being a bit over sensitive. Everyone has a past, and nobody can ask you to erase it. I once had a one-off fling with a friend at work, and he subsequently found a new girlfriend. I still see both of them when they are in town, and as far as I and they are concerned it's not a problem, and both of them are good mates. I think that maybe you need to reassure your girlfriend that this girl is just a mate, and that you have no other feelings for her, but I don't see why you should give up your friendship with this girl unless YOU want to. I have got lots of male friends, probably more male than female in fact, and I would be horrified if my husband asked me to sever contact with any of them - but also I would never ask him to sever contact with any female friend - I trust him enough to not need to ask him this, and the same on his side

[tiger104]

Hi, I have to say I can sympathise with your girlfreind because the situation I have just been in is very similar.

Me and my partner have been together 1.5 years, he has had a friend for 15 years, but she has always been obsessed with him though, texting him all the time which I think is just too personal, I tried my hardest since we have been togther to let it pass me by, but it got me so upset inside and my feelings were forcing me to do something about it, although i'm 27 and this woman is lots older tham me and has children, i felt threatened, and we ended up having heated discussions all the time, and i took the step and told him how I felt and in a kind way he asked her to stop texting him as he is in a serious relationship now, i feel so much better.

I feel if you dont cut this girl off, your girlfriend will end up getting upset like i did all the time.

Balls in your court