I am feeling down and fearful at the moment.

[steve208]

Well my parents are back from holiday which is good, could not stand it being just me and my brother for too much longer.

Last week was ok but it is now tuesday and I really have not done anything this week so far. Felt really low, and though it is good to have my parents back, I do find it somewhat constraining.

Mainly the things I have problems with right now are:-

* job applications, I have an interview for a job on september 1st and should make some applications as a back up so that there are things in the pipeline should i not get the job. But I cant focus on the applications as i am so negative right now.

*Then there is trying to get on with things and make life better, make friends etc. I feel nervous about doing the applications as I feel I have not doen mcuh since leaving uni last year but dont have the courgae to go out there and join clubs etc.

*General motivation and money. I just feel so stuck with motivation, I only ever have it for a day at a time and cant sustain anything. Also with money I am not very disaplined in paying off what i owe each month. However this is also to do with the fact that I dont have a good enough job.

So everything is affected by my low feeling and cant make any forward movement that i am confident will last at the moment.

[yesmadam]

Hi steve, since you're still in the same negative hole you've been in for a while, have you written this out? your question that you have put on here? and then? take it to your psychiatrist/councelor and let them read it.
Face to face, they can see your reactions and that's important.
If you dont get on with your psych then change them.
Good Luck in Your choices on life.

[steve208]

well no i have not written exactly whats here, but last thursday i did take a lot of things i had writen down. The session went well, but then had a massive argument with my brother when i got home and not felt right since then really.

Maybe I should just get down the pool tonight and that may help. I am sorry for posting about being stuck etc and i do want to get on and out of this but i cant for some reason. Maybe i always suspect that whatever i do i will fail.

[violetblue]

Hi Steve,
You seem to be in a complicated hole of negativity which, I promise you, I and no doubt many others have been in at some stage or another. It isn't just you, though no doubt it feels like it at the moment. If you keep up with your exercise you're giving yourself natural antidepressants, which can only be a good thing.
Don't expect to solve everything all at once, and don't expect motivation to be anything other than intermittent. It comes and goes, whether you're depressed or not, that's natural.
Sorry can't be of more help, I really feel for you, you seem to be having a bad time, but please remember that you're not on your own in that respect. Try to get things done when you're in an upswing, to prepare some ground for when you can't be bothered, and don't let family arguments get you down so much. Take care!

[Lore]

In an ideal world steve, where would you be right now ( being realistic)
Think about what you want out of life,
what do you need to do to get it?
ok, some jobs may not be what you want to do and certainly not what you've worked so hard for in terms of returning to uni, but to me getting a job is the way forward.

There's no reason as to why you can't continue to search for the perfect job whilst working, also you'd be making friends, spending time away from your parents not to mention seeing some money float into your bank account.

Or, what about taking a voluntary position for the time being?

It's time to close the door behind you steve and open a new one. you yourself have already recognised the problems and now it's time to do something about it.

Keep using places like this to vent your thoughts, what about a blog? talking about it or writing it down will help you a great deal.
A few of us here visit another forum called brainformation.com - you may just find it useful to do exactly that. This site is great for questions and answers but for the most of us having somewhere where we can share our thoughts in a more open way - in terms of being able to chat about it in depth or just to have a bit of a giggle to free your mind makes a difference.

[steve208]

Thanks violet.

I know that at some stage it will feel good to get involved with social groups etc but i have to get past the fear stage and also the notion that no one wants to be friends with me.

As an aside one big thing that scares me is contacting an agencey i signed up for temping with a few months agoand telling them i dont want them to find me work anymore. I got one interview through them a few months ago which i didnt get. They didnt contact me until couple of weeks ago to ask if i was avaliable. I said i would be on holiday for a couple of weeks now i have an interview (got of my own accord) and would rather get experience from voluntary charity work if i dont get the job and apply for things i want to do. I am so scared they will be angry with me. Though i could say when i have more experience i might come back to seek permenant work with them.

[steve208]

Thanks Lore.

I do have a job at the moment but it is part time (well dont want to do full time its too much, and more chance i will get more stuck in the job)

Tis just that its a shop job i have done for a few years in the holidays from uni and makes me feel i have not moved on. I am trying to do some voluntary work if i only do my part time hours. I did some voluntary work last year but am afraid of going back to the same place as i will feel like a failure for taking a step backwards.

[violetblue]

Steve, you're worrying unnecessarily about the agency. I've used them hundreds of times and if I know I don't want work from them (eg if I'm working) I just ring them up and tell them I'm otherwise occupied, and ask for my details to remain dormant, and in the event that I do want work, they re-activate the details or I re-register. What they don't want is to be ringing you up and you keep saying no, as then they think you're not really interested and won't send you anything.
It's great that you got the interview, and now you've got the same chance as anyone else they've chosen, and I sincerely hope you get it. On the other hand, if you don't get it, it's not because they don't like you - don't forget if they're interviewing, say, 6 for one post, they have to say no to 5 people, yet all 5 think there's something wrong with them, forgetting that there are 4 other people feeling the same!
I'm no psychologist and would never purport to be so, but it sounds like you're suffering from some sort of social phobia/anxiety and I hope your counsellor is homing in on this. Good luck with it all!

[steve208]

Yes thanks maybe it is some sort of social phobia. Ive never been very good with people.

The interview is for a civil service job ....more somthing i want to do and NOT found by the agencey.

Would it be rude to e-mail the agencey? I am terrible on the phone and i am sure i can compose a polite and to the point email.

[violetblue]

No, it wouldn't be rude at all.

[yesmadam]

sorry I didn't get back to you till now steve.... now then, after an argument with your Bro or whoever, instead of letting it fester into you and affecting you, go to a Gym and use the punchbag.
Pay your debts by standing order.
What did you do at Uni?

[steve208]

Ok I will try to do an email later today. I am so stupid ever since i failed at the interview the agencey set up in june, I have not been able to walk past where the agencey is in town.

Also another thing i am being stupid about is maybe going to see an ex girlfriend this coming weekend. I am off work which is very rare, i have to work every weekend normally. She knows that us seeing each other would be just casual. I know sex, alcohol and some other things can make me feel bad sometimes. But sex can make me feel good, like it should and it would also be nice to get away for the weekend might go to a theme park or something which would be fun.
Anyway i turn this over in my mind so much its stupid.

[steve208]

i did politics at uni.

And yes it would be a good idea to go for a swim after and argument get it out my system, i dont really like going to the gym. Though maybe i should try it again i have a free pass for a week.

My debts are complicated and if i tried hard could prob pay my credit cards off over a few months. By working lots of hours and spending very little.

I have credit card debt which is in part from last year of uni when i indulged and went on holiday when i prob could not have afforded it. But some of the debt on the cards is from last autum when i worked as an intern and had to pay my expenses from hertfordshire to london on the train (�750 for three months travel).

Then there is my student overdraft which I have to have down to �1000 by septmber, i can do this as have been making voluntary reductions in last few months.

Also have the student loan to re-pay but i am not earning over �15,000 at the moment so they wont take anything and i cant afford to contribute at the moment. I worry about the interest on this piling up even though it is at a quite low rate.

So in light of the debts i should really try harder to get a better paid and more rewarding job (rewarding mentally most important! need to use my brain!) But the emotional negativity gets me stuck.

I am sorry to go on and i do value all your advice.

[Lore]

Aah I didn't realise you already had a job steve- sorry!
I know what you mean about taking a step back tho, as I said earlier on, it's difficult to be or do less than you've worked so hard for but in time it will all fall into place.

I've lived a life of feeling like I had nothing to offer and nothing to gain in this world, (for a good few years I might add) only to wake up one day and realise that for all the times I was sat wondering what I could do about it I was wasting more time.
There are still areas I'd like to improve on and I know in time that will come. - because I want it to, just as you want to.
Be strong Steve :) - small steps go a long way.

[sue11]

Hi Steve, I don't really know much about your troubles, but I would like to try to help a little.
I always think that people in your situation bring themselves down by telling themselves they are stupid which is what you are doing in your responses! I used to do this to myself all the time, torturing myself with how stupid and what a failure I was. Then suddently I realised how this was making me feel even more of a failure and made me feel even more stupid and unconfident!
You need to make sure you value yourself, you are not stupid and don't you dare keep telling yourself you are!!
Telling off over!!
What I used to do whas to give myself some TLC and realised that on down days, I needed to give myself an inner cuddle and say there there. Most importantly you need to ensure that you yourself do not add to your own feelings of depression.
From your responses, you sound like you are getting yourself slowly sorted out, so give yourself a big pat on the back, sounds to me like it is something you should be proud of.
My other suggestion would be to always try to give yourself something to look forward to. Plan some event, even if it is just a trip to the cinema or save a small amount of money each day to put towards trip out. I used to do this and when I was feeling blue, it gave me something to feel better about!
Hope this has helped a bit Steve, I am not a psychiatrist and I have never been depressed, although I suffered from dismal self confidence and used to have panic attacks. I realise that my answers may not be the ones for you.
Best of luck with the job interview!
Sue

[steve208]

Hi Sue,

Thank you very much for your advice. I do try to treat myself, but if i am having a down day i tend to just go with it or say when i feel better i will do things and it will turn into a down week.

Its simple things like going for a walk that help, its said that a 20 minute walk each day can realy help people feel better.

I have just got back from an hour in the swimming pool, didnt manage to go last week but normally go 2 or three times a week. The swimming really helps and its something i love doing aswell.

Though you mention about treating myself, maybe i am doing the wrong things, i tend to indulge if i am having a bad day...like buy some choc shortbread and apple juice or jamie dodgers and eat the whole packet. The suger rush is not good! Anyway i try not to do it too much and tell myself if its only once a month its ok.

The telling myself how bad i am is an instant reaction but since going to the counsellor i begin to have an alternative voice saying well is that really how things are?

[sue11]

Hi Steve, I think the most important thing is to try not to lay a guilt trip on yourself too much, even when you eat the whole packet of yummy jammie dodgers(!).
You need to remember to say to yourself 'it is making me feel good, therefore it is doing me good and I have every right to have this' go on, be a bit selfish for a change it will do you the world of good.
I found that the more I praised myself the more I believed it and eventually managed to get over some of my insecurities.
Did your parents ever tried to impress upon you that you should not make too much of a fuss over your talents? It is just that my parent always made a point of playing down my good points in case I grew up too 'big headed' and I think it had the opposite effect!
I have spent the next 25 or so years trying to undo the effect it had on me, but bless them I do love them, they were only trying their best to bring me up proper!!
I am wondering if working full time may actually help you? I know you do not feel up to it, but if all you do is sit at home trying to cope on your days off, would working help you take your mind off things?
You can still look for another job quite easily while you are working and take days off for any interviews that come up.
Keep me informed on how you get on at your interview!!

[steve208]

hi sue,

Well i partly blame my parents as they have not been very helpful and they dont agree that i am depressed or anything. They take the view of just pull yourself together and dont be so silly.

I unfortunatly live at home since finishing uni as cannot afford to move out what with having a low paid job and debts.

I am really down now, i was fine after the swim but dad came home from dropping my brother at football and was really grumpy. I said oh whats up and he was like oh its nothing to do with you. Him and my brother are so miserable all the time and i am not like that a lot around them. I try not to be down around others just when alone. Dam it really annoys me when i argue with people or they are down in the house it just makes me feel like there ois an atmosphere and i feel so bad in a house that is negative in addition to my negetivity.

I know my priorities need to be:-

Get better job, pay off urgent debts (all but student loan), move out of home, try to make some new friends and go out more.

[sue11]

Hi Steve, hope you are feeling better today. Sorry I had not realised that you had posted again or I would have replied sooner! Try not to let your parents arguments get to you too much, I know that when I lived at home with my sister we all argued pretty much all the time, it is amazing how much better the relationship gets when you move out of home and some of the pressure is off. It may help to move out if you can afford to and it can be a lot of fun to move in with friends, but only do this if you can afford it or you will simply be in worse trouble!
Your parents may be too wrapped up in their own worries to recognise yours, they probably don't mean to be like this, but sometimes you can be too close to someone to really recognise that they need help, try not to let it bother you too much.
All the best
Sue