Complicated relationship, pregnancy, and I'm scared for me

[chimpanzee]

I wrote a post a while ago, it's just got so much more worse. I really need your help.

[chimpanzee]

The original post is http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/R elationships-and-Dating/Question372802.html

I found out that I am pregnant, I told him, expecting him to be over the moon. But he wasnt and I was devastated. I was in the pub, his girlfriend came over and slapped me, started a fight and he didn't even stop her. I cried so much, I couldnt believe he didnt tell her it was wrong to fight me.

So I thought Id just cut him off for good fair enough he's the father but I have my daughter to consider and she doesn't deserve to be surrounded by this violence. Ive brought up a child single handedly before so I thought I can do this again.

It was all quiet until she approached me and apologised (fairplay) but then said that her and the father would like to adopt my baby when it was born. They offered me a lot of money. OK i Know this sounds like something off Eastenders but I swear it isn't - they're my age (21) and they aren't rich. I said I'd think about it but inside I was disgusted - how can I even consider
selling my baby? I wouldn't for ANY amount of money. But I can't deny the thought didn't cross my mind to take the money then keep the baby, just cos I'm so hard up.

I told her no and that was it. But then he came round to my flat and told me he loved me and that he was ashamed of his girlfriends behavious in the pub. He said he'd leave her to be with me when the babys born and I really want to believe him, but I don't think I do. He comes round every so often and we end up in bed, but though I hate myself for it, I can't stop myself. I just want to feel loved and he's the only one that makes me feel special.

Sorry for the long question but I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, I'm so confused and it's making me depressed and really

[chimpanzee]

consider ending things, and I would if it weren't for my daughter and this baby.

Please help.

[CheekyChops]

Sorry to be blunt but he is using you for sex. ALL men say those things when they have a wife/girlfriend and are trying to sh*g someone else.

I'm sorry that you are pregnant. Have your baby if that is what you want, inform the CSA (or whoever) who the father is but DON'T let him 'buy' your baby from you. Inevitably he will leave you and stick with his girlfriend and then they will have your baby and what will you have? Nothing.

If he loves you, why didn't he defend you when his girlfriend slapped you? Why does he have to wait until the baby is born before he leaves her, why can't he do it now?

Keep your child, tell it all about it's father (whether he is part of it's life or not) but do not hand it over. You will gbet over this person and meet a decent guy, it may take a while, but you WILL.

Get on with your life and find happiness with someone that loves you and you alone, not you and his girlfirend as well.

Good luck hon x x

[chimpanzee]

I know you make sense CheekyChops, but I can't help how I feel about him. And I can't help but love him. I tell myself 'no more' but then when I see him I can't stop how he makes me feel. If I could move away I would but I can't afford it.

I would NEVER sell my baby, it's my child, part of me. That never crossed my mind. I did think about taking money off him cos a) it'd make him pay and b) I really need it, but I'd never ever sell my baby, I love it already.

I'm just so torn, I know what's 'right' but I know what 'feels right'. I have to be stronger when he comes round but I love him more than anything and he keeps telling me he'll leave her. I'm so thick and stupid and I hate myself for it, hence why I wanted to end everything and even tried, but I just can't do it to my daughter and this baby. I'm a mess. I just wish I could turn back the clock a few months cos if I knew he had a girlfriend I'd have NEVER even let him buy me a drink, let alone get anything further.

I hate myself.

[loza]

This has spiralled out of control hasnt it really? This guy is just another person you will think in a couple of years 'what the hell did i see in him'! i promise you that. I was on the other end of this in another relationship. I was the gf, he went out and cheated and the girl fell pregnant. He wanted something to do with his baby but not the girl...he wanted me! I had enough sense though to walk away. and i loved this guy with all my heart i actually did try to take my life on several occasions but I could never be treated like that and would never have gone back. You need to think like this! yes you felt bad because you didnt know he had a gf but she also didnt know he had you. This girl can lash out all she likes but she has to accept that yours and his baby is coming into the world and if he's such a nice guy he will want to see his child.
By the sounds of it she either cant have children or haven't yet any of their own?
if he does want contact their relationship will more than likely fail its a hard thing to deal with someone being pregnant with your partners child. But if it does please don't see this as an opportunity for you to start a relationship.. it wont work, he will cheat and you will feel exactly like his current partner now only with two children xx please try out counseling! it isnt for mental cases its for people that want to talk in confidence and it does make you feel a hell of alot better xx You can only get better from the point your at now and believe me you will! chin up!!!